HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!
Showing posts with label neighbours. Show all posts
Showing posts with label neighbours. Show all posts

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Good news: bad news...

THERE IS GOOD NEWS AND THERE IS BAD NEWS. I will only tell the good news today. And that is someone (I don't know who because it was 9-11:30pm and I wasn't conversational) came and cleared out the hooligans' room last night. Vacuumed it out. Spent ages sweeping the hall obsessively. And I know it wasn't one of them because they didn't talk "black" and I understood the few words they spoke by the door.

The bad news I hope to have turned to good news by tomorrow. But it is nothing to do with neighbours. I cannot say till it is sorted out!

Watch Michael Jackson's Private Home Movies, as originally shown on Fox TV...

Monday, January 18, 2010

Shhh! Listen...! (QUIET!!)

I DON'T WANT TO SAY horrible things about my neighbour, like I hope he has been shot dead, or I hope he has shot someone dead and is doing life ~ well he can't ~ unless he has a looky-likey even more looky-likey than the 25 or so all black kiddy-gang members who pile into his room sporadically and were there this morning... after staying away ALL weekend, except Friday night... Because they're back there this morning.
What is going on? This is so puzzling. When they first came they ~ and I mean all FIFTY of them ~ were there constantly. Their presence was IMPOSSIBLE to miss. Now they're hardly there.
He apparently told my downstairs neighbour, the one I had the row with over not saying hello when I came home to find a stranger staring at me like a psychopath (it was him but my eyesight is so terrible that, until I came right up close it could honestly have been anyone at all!) ~ GLARING at me accusingly ~ which threw me again, because I didn't expect my neighbour, who I hardly knew back then, to be doing that. So I said hello sheepishly ~ not being at all sure whom I was saying hello TO ~ THEN he accused me of being rude and I exploded WHAT ARE YOU SAYING "A HELLO WOULD BE NICE?!? I JUST DID SAY HELLO!" then he VERY rudely, in my opinion said "I DO HAVE EARS!"... NOT a good start to any "friendship"... well this one, who I grew closer to in solidarity in the nuisance situation... said Mr Noise Nuisance Neighbour had spoken to him and said he had a new place several miles away, so was moving out. And indeed ALL WENT QUIET.
And to Mr Nuisance's credit, even though he has come back, there has been little genuine nuisance since then.
I don't know what on earth such people do in their spare time, or how they live their lives. They're not heroin or crack addicts. Not dealing, so far as I can tell. I've shared properties with heroin, crack and "herb" dealers in the past and know the in and out short phone calls "where are you" pattern. That is not it. The constant comings and goings are DIFFERENT, young people. The youngest of whom seem little older than 13, 14. Which I don't like. Underage smoking weed in my house.
The bad attitudes, bad vibes are the worst part. As a group these people are obnoxious...
But individually, when I have said hello, they seem sweet as apple pie.
Curiouser and curiouser. It just saddens me to see these kids so obviously on the WRONG track ~ and doing it under MY ROOF. Sad... so very sad.
And they are STILL HERE...
WHEN WILL THEY EVER GO?!?
I hope they leave soon, and leave me in peace!!

PS I FOUND A HAMMYHOUSE FISHTANK on the street yesterday. Took it inside. Maybe I'll get trotterdonkey robbies again...! Who knows.... ;->...

STOP PRESS: CONTEXT CUT DIAMONDS ~
I got the wrong picture on Saturday. THIS is how they look. An entire natural diamond crystal is cut this simply... only 1 in 100,000 gems found are suitable... The cut is patented and available only through Tiffany... and how amazing does it look!!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Have the nuisance neighbours gone...

... or not?

My life is in constant query.

The noisy, nuisance neighbour ~ who really did take nuisance to extremes with swearing and brawls in our hallway, ten or more guests arriving at once at 3am, 4am, 5am. People chatting endlessly on mobile phones outside my door. Wrong door buzzers ringing. Stones thrown at windows (mine being at the front ~ lovely.) Bad attitudes. Total disrespect for fellow housemates. He forgot his key once and smashed in the huge glass front door pane (British houses are notoriously low security, even in 2010)... then had the cheek to say "someone on the street did it". Endless, endless nuisance. Ever since they've been in that room ~ an entire gang of them ~ we've had police "happening to be" strolling up and down our street or driving past, whereas I hardly ever saw police before. They're even alleged to have burgled the neighbours. Police were round for ages after that one. Scum scum scum.

Now the room is empty ~ MOST of the time.

Only on Friday, when I thought we were fine and free and RID of these idiots ~ about 25 of them AGAIN are in the room. For one hour. Then nothing.

Nobody has called by. None of his little gangbang friends call round now.

He was there yesterday for about half an hour.

I'm hoping these brief visits mean he's emptied his stuff and moved on. But that might be too good to be true.

Could just be he's in trouble with police and hiding out elsewhere.

I know he hasn't gone for good, because his (probably stolen) mountain bike is in our hall still.

When that's gone and he's gone and someone else is in that room who is QUIET and never talks to anyone... then, finally, I might be happy on THAT score.

Until that impossible date, I'm not counting any more chickens ~ until well and truly HATCHED!!




Friday, January 15, 2010

Gone

THE NUISANCE NEIGHBOURS REALLY HAVE LEFT! (Apparently). I got a tip-off the day before yesterday, no noise since then... no constant endless knockings, doorbuzzings, people brawling in the passageway all hours of the day and night. The house seems extraordinarily quiet. And yes, I'm sure the empty room is EVERY BIT as BIG as this one:



BVLGARI:
Makers of some of the finest of fine jewellery in the world...


Sunday, January 10, 2010

ASBO Kids


ASBO Kids: ~ doesn't the one on the right look charming!!?!" ~ these two were described by the London press as "mini Krays"...
The Krays were pantomime gangsters in the 1960s. (i.e. they were real people but those who know say they were mostly show ~ no real shady businessman would tolerate his face in the papers the way Ronnie and Reggie Kray seemingly so enjoyed.)
An ASBO is a New Labour Government introduced Anti Social Behaviour Order, as imposed on young hoodlums. Now worn as a badge of honour amongst certain of the "lower orders" ...

Nuisance neighbours: I will post properly on Monday. Suffice it to say they're I am not the nuisance magnet ~ as I've been told repeatedly it's my type of emergency housing that's the magnet. None of the antisocial behaviour has been directed at me. It's just a general disrespect for the house and the others in it. E.g. the front door being smashed in by someone who can't be bothered to carry a key. (Where did I see THAT happen before...??)

WOW! for once a diamond photo showing a little bit of fire!

... so which famous stone is this, then?

One can find some rather pleasant jewellery online at BlueNile.Co.UK ~ go on, have a click!

Talking of bling: my COMPETITION IS STILL OPEN
ROLL UP! ROLL UP YOU HORRIBLE LOT! AND STAKE YOUR GUESSES
WHICH STONE IS WHICH??

~~~***closes Monday!***~~~

ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOUR ON THE SAVANNAH
"BATTLE AT KRUGER"
sorry about the idiot amateur newsreaders, but this was the only clip I could source quickly without endless minutes of nothing much happening...
Lions vs buffalo vs enormous nile crocodile ~ amazing!

Friday, January 08, 2010

Nuisance Neighbours

Yes, it's happening again. New obnoxious neighbours. In the room RIGHT NEXT TO ME. But the landlord's promising to take action.

Here's the type of action I think he should take:




... Better still!...
Here's where expressions such as "racked with guilt" come from ...!




And here is yesterday's furry woodmouse drinking from an icicle:

Tame Shetland fieldmouse ...

If you still can't see my tubby furry icicle-drinking fieldmouse properly, click here!

I am reading The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton... I thought that chick was an American, so is there any reason the book should be set in British spelling?... did she think it was suitably posh to write like that?... or are Penguin Classics taking liberties..!?~??!?

MY BLING COMPETITION IS OPEN TILL MONDAY
SO GET YOUR ANSWERS IN NOW!!

Buy a replica of J-Lo's pink diamond engagement ring in silver and coloured cubic zirconia at Eve's Addiction ...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Harrassed and Happy

I'M GETTING TROUBLE AGAIN from nasty neighbours but, as the song says (see below) "I don't wanna talk about it"... all I will say is that when I threatened to call police the poison person in question quickly fled!

One of very few vaguely interesting things I've read about drugs recently came from an Ecstasy Fact Sheet I picked up in the drugs agency. It was actually a good 4 or more sides of closely typed foolscap/A4...

"Are people still taking that?" I thought, and read on. Now some of the old hippie types at ecstasy.org-type websites would say that MDMA (ecstasy) is a "heart-opening substance)... it's basically an upper that, as well as making you feel excited (like you're at the best party that ever was, hearing the greatest music, etc.. etc...) it actually does, to recoin some 1960s-speak, make you feel full of "peace and love"... quite amazingly so, in fact.

One of my more curmudgeonly friends, who preferred nasty old speed, told me "but I don't want to sit in the corner of the rave feeling like Buddha" (exactly the effect I took it for!)

Anyway this new (to me) info told me that ecstasy does not elicit any feelings that are not inside you anyway...

... which is one of the most positive things I have ever read... meaning that I am full of the most amazingly transcendental joy it breaks the limits of description.

To put it another way, I suddenly realized something I suppose I've always secretly known all along: that you don't need drugs to feel "high"!

After reading this, I decided to contact this Inner Joy: and suddenly I did. It was a couple of weeks ago and I was trotting mundanely back from the chicken shop with my £1 special deal (+ piece + fries), and I thought about what I'd read and ~ wow! Amazing! I did get right directly in touch with this amazing joy inside me!

That is the happiest thing that's happened to me for a long time..!

Videos:

Everything But The Girl: I Don't Wanna Talk About It

Everything But The Girl: Missing

This one got to number one time back in the late 80s (if I remember rightly...)

a v nice tune.

The group's name, btw, comes from their original ad in Melody Maker or the NME magazine "everything but the girl" (ie we have a group put together but we need a sweet singin' vocalist) and she does sing sweet...



This, however, is probably their greatest and most memorable hit:~

Everything But The Girl: Missing (club mix)



ps Bashful's name should really be バシフルさん Bashifuru-san (far as I know, that's the nearest Japanese equivalent...)

and here is the dictionary definition for "itchy":

かゆがってさん (that is Kayugatte-san)

Bashful would be 内気さん (Uchiki-san)

Spherical is 丸さん Maru-san

(the katakana readings given yesterday are phonetic transliterations (yes: Iichi-san, Bashifuru-san and Suherikuru-san are the nearest the Japanese can get in their own language to Itchy-Bashful-Spherical!

PS yesterday's title Frank was a pun I forgot to elucidate on the former British National Drugs Helpline "Talk to Frank" ~ clickonit to see...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Neither Hide nor Hair

MY HOUSE HAS BEEN QUIET SINCE MONDAY when a man from the council came to "measure everybody's rooms"... he had ever such trouble getting into Immaturity's room; standing outside waggling keys in the lock etc etc...

... the house has been quiet and I am glad.

I keep finding Roman Catholic magazines on the street from some organization called The Two Patricks (or something like that)... all stuff to do with apparitions of the "Blessed Virgin" ("Mother of God")... I looked for apparitional videos on Youtube but found only disappointing shots of Virgin Mary dolls (supposedly a statue) opening its eyes... a cross-shaped light over an Armenian church... oh and a "film of a real demon"... but as soon as I saw the first shot, a guy in darkened woodland with a torch on his face I thought "no no no!" and disconnected. So I posted something far more REAL instead: a nuclear bombing. THAT is the real future!!

VIDEO: HIROSHIMA



MUSIC: Cygnus X: Orange
Here's one of my favourite tunes from olden times. Here in the original version with video



ORANGE: BEST MIX

There are gerzillions of versions of this out, but I think this is the best. You need to give it nearly a minute to get going, then it doesn't stop (made me feel like I'd been at the disco biscuits again...)

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood