The Monday Papers

HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THIS? I LEFT OUT from yesterday's news review Mystic Meg’s MESSAGES FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE-!!

Surely she does them with a Road Atlas Britain, eyes shut, with a pin, flicks randomly through a “name your baby” book, then pulls sundry words from hats to complete the effect. Every week there is hidden treasure to be "revealed". EVERY WEEK.

Here goes:— SARAH OF BIRMINGHAM: YOUR LEGACY IS AN EMERALD RING IN THE GARDENING GLOVES. GARY OF EDINBURGH: YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION FOR THEM AT THE HOSPITAL. LIZ OF DOVER: TIME TO SMILE AGAIN.

Do you reckon Liz is so happy because she got to the gardening gloves before Sarah?

And now today’s Sun newspaper.

Shilpa wins BB for us all

TRIUMPH OVER RACISM SEE PAGES 4 & 5

(This is the bitchy Brit girls vs Indian Bollywood superstar actress “racism” row. The press continue in their typical way to squeeze every penny’s worth of value from the scenario.

Front page, main headline. (This is a laugh.)

STATE X-RAY SPIES TO SEE YOU NUDE

Secret cameras in street lamps

X-RAY cameras capable of seeing through people’s clothes would be installed in LAMPPOSTS under leaked anti-terror plans seen by The Sun.

All passsers-by could effectively be seen naked in the Home Office scheme.

Police would monitor the pictures to snare terrorists and criminals …

… page 3 NEWS IN BRIEFS (half-page colour picture of Keeley, 20, from Bromley, tanned and naked but for bikini bottoms.

KEELEY has mixed feelings over the idea of anti-terror x-ray machines ... “I’ve got nothing to hide. But some will see it as an intrusion.” She perceptively declares.

More “celebrity” Big Brother bluster on pp4-5.

Hooray for Bollywood — headline. Indian actress Shilpa has won. (She’s a far greater star than the rest of the house “celebs” put together because she has a following running into hundreds of millions on the Subcontinent.)

Jo “I don’t give a ‘forklift truck’” O’Meara “was last night in pieces” over the death of her agent over the weekend from a heart attack. Now, after all her bad behaviour, her mentor has died. And she’s beating herself up and blaming herself.

Oh dear.

And that, dear Readers, is today’s NEWS.