I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK I DIDN'T EXIST ANY MORE. That's what Blogger seemed to think, and they were making me think it too. Without my blog I am nothing. I exist to no-one. Family and friends sparkle in bubbles of their own, but won't follow me to the big wide world. They don't want to.What I mean is, I intend to emerge with a massive public splash ~ and I know they don't want to be part of that. That was my biggest reservation as author of this potential "misery memoir" of mine (the story of my life on drugs). There were too many people I wanted to protect. Not because they'd done anything wrong; because I do not see why my captivatingly woven tales (as I hoped they'd be!) should throw an unwanted spotlight on those who unwittingly crossed paths with me. We don't all want the Warholian fifteen minutes (or more) of fame ...
Now I sense my life's at a crossroads or a turning-point. Strange my blog should be threatened with nonexistence at such a time.Wondering what to write, where to go, what to do. How. How to do it. Whatever "it" shall transpire to be...
I have too many projects, not enough time.
And far too much time wasted.
They say "what will be will be"... but there's nothing so fatalistic about my life's course: What will become of me is down to me. That's what frightens me the most. Me watching Me who plays "Me" ~ none of whom know how to take Responsibility. If my inner child holds the keys to destiny, then I'm terrified ~ for this Inner Child is the screaming unsatiated febrile baby of addiction, who diverted my life's course down the dead-ends of its whims, who recklessly joyrides my life, while I cower in the passenger seat wondering why we never flew off a cliff-edge years ago...
Yes, it's time to take control. But how on earth I'm supposed to do that, I've no idea...
Gleds, you can get round it.
ReplyDeleteJust clone your blog now.
It's what I did, just imported it all over to a new blogger blog. It will let you do that.
I don't get why blogger is being such a pain. Hope they finally acknowlegde that you do indeed exist (unless of course you don't).
ReplyDeleteCRUSHED: how do I do that? Does it involve importing the blog's contents to a new address? Or copying the blog? How do I do that?
ReplyDeleteREENY: I'm beginning to think maybe I don't (again)...
Oooer I really hope you don't lose your blog. :(
ReplyDeleteIt's rather sad that you ARE your blog Gleds, I think you're much more than that. You can replicate it or if you go to Wordpress, it will import all your existing posts and pics but it takes a long time. I THINK you can only copy your blogger blog through third party software but I'm not sure about that.
ReplyDeleteWhy not post your email and come a little further into the 'real' world.
AKELAMALU: actually the notice has gone down the type in a security word thing they'd put so I had to verify I was human each time I posted has gone... which I'm hoping is a good sign...
ReplyDeleteBAINO: maybe I was being overdramatic, but I realized what a big part of my life it is and how a lot of people only know me through this blog and comments I've left at theirs...
I'm really bad at replying to emails but you can contact me at
hammynutter@lycos.com !!
Hi Gleds
ReplyDeleteYou should amend your email address display in your last comment to something like "hammynutterATlycosDOTcom" to reduce the risk of getting loads of spam.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteHow's the writing going?
What are you working on? A novel? Short stories?
You're not alone btw, I'm struggling with both clinical depression and b addiction and get meds for both. I go on and off the wagon and finding it hard to commit right now whilst feeling in limbo about a lot of things. I was diagnosed with depression long before I got addicted to b so I can't really blame the addiction for that.
keep writing, I can't imagine that's easy either... do you end up with a bin full of screwed up paper? I'm not a writer, I'm a graphic designer and I have loads of off days when it's not working and suddenly, out of the blue, the problem is solved in my head - love that 'eureka' moment. It's a high of its own.
xK