http://www.lindasdailylivingskills.com/ wondered if you might find this OT's blog useful,knowing you struggle with your daily living skils didn't really have time to post much earlier but now i'm home watching crap saturday night telly i have the time! sounds like you are still struggling with your moods, have they reviewed your meds yet if not why not? tell that worker i said.....no not really but you should be able to get to a level you are comfortable with, life does not have to be such a struggle......have they offered you ways to fill your day i know voluntary work is shit but its really important to have meaningful activity what ever that maybe, hope i dont sound like i am preaching cos i am not it just makes me sad that you feel sad....that you talk about death and firing lines...... i do often read your posts just dont always have time to chat....plus my space bar is sort of broken so often words come out all joined up and it really pisses me off. as i have to go back through the text and smack the spacebar with real force to make a space...... love and respect to you L XX
i stopped taking the risperidone because it does nothing to stop me being depressed at all and i thought it might give me more energy being off it
last time i saw the consultant he was talking about mood stabilizers but i don't want one if i can avoid it. if i do get one i want one like lamictal or whatever it's called, one that blocks depression but not mania. i want another manic episode. when i was manic i was antidrugs. i dont understand why on earth any manic person would feel the need to use drugs particularly uppers but statistically i heard bipolars are more likely to use drugs in an up phase than a down, now that sounds crazy to me
i only use heroin as an antidepressant. if i didn't feel depressed i'd have no need of it at all. it doesn't cure the depression but does make it about 50% better
antidepressants have disagreed with me vehemently in the past. prozac gives euphoria but also that akithisia thing so i'm literally so agitated i can't stay still for even a few seconds
i'm not hearing voices and i only feel slightly paranoid a tiny proportion of the time so i don't see why i need an antipsychotic. also that risperidone really worked strongly against the mania and i want the mania back again, i don't care if i lose it, it's better than being depressed. i do lose my temper when i'm manic (even when i'm on my own) but the mood is usually positive. now i go outside and feel like i'm wading through honey. i hate being wherever i am and just want to be home again.
i don't care about being clean at the moment. i'm more motivated to give up heroin because heroin acts as a mood stabilizer and i need a destabilized mood in order to get it high again
i know i probably sound like a real mess talking like this but i don't see any way out except by getting the mania back, that was the only time i have ever felt my true self and the only time i have ever felt truly positive and antidrugs
big irony was everyone at NA assumed i had to be using to be that hyped up. well i think they're a bunch of naive obsessives. i mean how naive do you have to be to believe that ALL happiness has to be drug-induced. it really begs the question why they bothered giving up in the first place. they're more than willing to believe i'm clean when i'm down, but not when i'm up. and i've noticed before they're crap at addressing mental health problems i'm really surprised not to have heard anyone talk about bipolar in "the rooms" as they say. quite possibly this has to do with every bipolar addict who's come in getting scared off by the utter lack of understanding and acceptance you get for having such a condition
i'm doing an antidrugs course 2 days a week for 2 weeks, it's only 2.5 hours but i'm so exhausted when i get back i just sleep. i'm sleeping hours and hours because i have no energy
my care has got transferred to this other borough where i saw this hostile nurse who had a go at me for using heroin then demanded to know why i was there. i said because i got a letter telling me to come. then he says he will get me a dr's appointment. so a totally wasted appointment, i needed to see a dr from day one, not some half arsed nurse
i don't have much faith in the mental health system all i want is to get my positive mood back, i don't care whether it's called a mental illness i'd rather be psychotic and happy than nonpsychotic and depressed. simple as
I'm a golden hamster...
I pack my pouches
I'm a tubby entertainer
I love nibbling things in my nest
After a big day pinging, I sleep like a tiny baby...
http://www.lindasdailylivingskills.com/
ReplyDeletewondered if you might find this OT's blog useful,knowing you struggle with your daily living skils
didn't really have time to post much earlier but now i'm home watching crap saturday night telly i have the time!
sounds like you are still struggling with your moods, have they reviewed your meds yet if not why not? tell that worker i said.....no not really but you should be able to get to a level you are comfortable with, life does not have to be such a struggle......have they offered you ways to fill your day i know voluntary work is shit but its really important to have meaningful activity what ever that maybe, hope i dont sound like i am preaching cos i am not it just makes me sad that you feel sad....that you talk about death and firing lines......
i do often read your posts just dont always have time to chat....plus my space bar is sort of broken so often words come out all joined up and it really pisses me off. as i have to go back through the text and smack the spacebar with real force to make a space......
love and respect to you
L XX
i stopped taking the risperidone because it does nothing to stop me being depressed at all and i thought it might give me more energy being off it
ReplyDeletelast time i saw the consultant he was talking about mood stabilizers but i don't want one if i can avoid it. if i do get one i want one like lamictal or whatever it's called, one that blocks depression but not mania. i want another manic episode. when i was manic i was antidrugs. i dont understand why on earth any manic person would feel the need to use drugs particularly uppers but statistically i heard bipolars are more likely to use drugs in an up phase than a down, now that sounds crazy to me
i only use heroin as an antidepressant. if i didn't feel depressed i'd have no need of it at all. it doesn't cure the depression but does make it about 50% better
antidepressants have disagreed with me vehemently in the past. prozac gives euphoria but also that akithisia thing so i'm literally so agitated i can't stay still for even a few seconds
i'm not hearing voices and i only feel slightly paranoid a tiny proportion of the time so i don't see why i need an antipsychotic. also that risperidone really worked strongly against the mania and i want the mania back again, i don't care if i lose it, it's better than being depressed. i do lose my temper when i'm manic (even when i'm on my own) but the mood is usually positive. now i go outside and feel like i'm wading through honey. i hate being wherever i am and just want to be home again.
i don't care about being clean at the moment. i'm more motivated to give up heroin because heroin acts as a mood stabilizer and i need a destabilized mood in order to get it high again
i know i probably sound like a real mess talking like this but i don't see any way out except by getting the mania back, that was the only time i have ever felt my true self and the only time i have ever felt truly positive and antidrugs
big irony was everyone at NA assumed i had to be using to be that hyped up. well i think they're a bunch of naive obsessives. i mean how naive do you have to be to believe that ALL happiness has to be drug-induced. it really begs the question why they bothered giving up in the first place. they're more than willing to believe i'm clean when i'm down, but not when i'm up. and i've noticed before they're crap at addressing mental health problems i'm really surprised not to have heard anyone talk about bipolar in "the rooms" as they say. quite possibly this has to do with every bipolar addict who's come in getting scared off by the utter lack of understanding and acceptance you get for having such a condition
i'm doing an antidrugs course 2 days a week for 2 weeks, it's only 2.5 hours but i'm so exhausted when i get back i just sleep. i'm sleeping hours and hours because i have no energy
my care has got transferred to this other borough where i saw this hostile nurse who had a go at me for using heroin then demanded to know why i was there. i said because i got a letter telling me to come. then he says he will get me a dr's appointment. so a totally wasted appointment, i needed to see a dr from day one, not some half arsed nurse
i don't have much faith in the mental health system all i want is to get my positive mood back, i don't care whether it's called a mental illness i'd rather be psychotic and happy than nonpsychotic and depressed. simple as
thanks for your comment
Really cute little critters.
ReplyDeleteI like the top photo. I was thinking of changing my Avatar to that :-)
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