HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

E-cigarette update

I'VE JUST HEARD OF A new smoking cessation pill that is to nicotine what methadone is to heroin: Champix (varenicline) ~ thanks Lilly.(Ie a weak and feeble substitute ideal for those with enough will to power themselves through...) (methadone is actually stronger than heroin and more dangerous; it just feels weaker).

My e-cigarette which is called "Impulse" tastes like rhubarb crumble. I've thoroughly enjoyed puffing away in shops. When one store detective gave me a funny look I stubbed it out on my eye. The end looks like a diamond and is cold by the way; it lights up red whenever you toke on it.

I think I'm getting the puffing technique right, though I have to say I felt the need to buy a pack of ten Sterling Superkings "just to compare". And I'd say the nicotine blast is about the same. Obviously with Jasper and Jasper Impulses you don't get that lovely attractive smoke curling out of your nostrils.

Do you know I once got reprimanded for walking into a clothes shop while (heavily) exhaling cigarette smoke? How pissy can you get?

I'll let you know how my e-smoking goes: I think I'll be needing a newly refilled e-fag in a day or two. The ones I'm smoking are nonrechargable and disposable. Supposedly you're getting 25 cigarettes for £6.99 (which is about what 25 fags cost anyhow...) I still think it's better than nicotine gum, and way better than patches. I'm a nervous smoker. When I need a smoke, I need a smoke!

I bought a Thai film on DVD yesterday called Sick Nurses but it's pretty boring...

PS has anyone notice Blogger's "highlight a word and add a link to it" facility is GONE today... why?


a wonderful tune

sad cold war era song about a West German boy who falls in love with an East German girl

music from the Lord of the Rings


Anonymous said...

Love the image of you stubbing out a fag in your EYE....that'll show 'em...silly store detectives.
God,I am so cold,don't know if its lack of methadone or if its just cold.I'm like a lizard,i cannot function when its cold,i just seize up and sit in front of the telly,willing myself to get up and DO something...eat another mince pie?
Annie x

Gledwood said...

Sweats are a major clue as to whether methadone is involved. I've been off the mince pies ~ empty calories. Been guzzling microwave cheeseburgers instead!!

PS weren't you really put out when your ex boyf stopped getting scripted 7x30mg diamorphine amps per day and/or you split up with him?...??

bugerlugs63 said...

Yes, re comment on last post from Furtheron. . . those pills can have weird side effects. The "stop-smoking nurse" prescribed them to my Mum and her Dr was not pleased. He said the nurse shoulda checked her mental health record first! Can defo cause depression, others suffer with horrific nightmares, nausea. Prob best check out side-effects first.
And yes . . . you may well be a menopausal woman! Why wouldn't that surprise me ;-)
With love

Gledwood said...

I think I'll give 'em a miss then.

Did you hear of this South American frog with one of the most potent venoms known to man and THAT was a nicotine receptor agonist too!

Atmos said...

This is very nice post as long as i could understand but not completely. Cos then it becomes very technical and i real am poor in that.

Sid said...

Gleds, it's really worth investing in a high quality e-fag, the rechargables with liquid refills are much better, http://www.ecigarettedirect.co.uk/products/halo-electronic-cigarette.html these 'Halo's are pretty much the best around.. I know £30 is a lot but its worth buying the decent unit once and then just buying liquid, with the disposables you have to replace the atomiser too, not with these,, and you can recharge them via USB which is pure class ;)

Gledwood said...

Atmos: I don't understand what's complicated about it, but there you go....

Sid: my ONE proviso is that I can get the refills EASILY, that's an absolute must!

Sid said...

Yeah you just buy a little bottle of liquid online. I just worked out after buying cheapo ones and eventually a decent rechargable one, the latter is the better option!

eheth cigra said...

Electric cigarette adelaide - (http://ecigforlife.com.au/categories) A wide array of electric cigarettes and e cigarette Adelaide kits are now available in various online ecigs shops and retail outlets. E-cigarettes provide a safer option to smoking conventional cigarettes.



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood