HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year 2010

I nearly forgot to say this... but have a brilliant one!
(And don't over-celebrate..!)

SuBo is surely the international talent find of 2009; this is (what I think is) her best track ~

If you want to see SuBo actually sing the song live, this is from America's Jay Leno show...



UP TO SOME TIME LAST NIGHT, it had been raining constantly for two to three days. Before that, it was frozen, the streets were like ice rinks.
It is still damp damp damp, chilly, and profoundly miserable...
When will this weather fiasco stop?

I don't know whether this is a blue crown conure... but I can't help but wonder how long this bird might LAST in such circumstances...?!?

Ashley the Fuzzy Donkey at the Donkey Sanctuary

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Paulie the Parrot


I SAW THIS 1998 film
(that I would have assumed was by Disney but actually it was Dreamworks) on BBC1 this morning. So entertaining:

A trotterdonkey green parrot flies all the way to Los Angeles looking for his long lost owner, finds self in a parrot donkey derby along the way, then finally comes home (coooooo!!)

Apparently Paulie is a "blue crowned conure" by the way, technically not a parrot, if you look at the lorikeet-like bill...

Paulie Trailer:

Taco Stall Musical Performance

PS: The proper name for a Parrot is POLLY. "Paulie" is pronounced with a long O ~ quite a different sound. How on earth Dreamworks managed to mix this up is beyond me... It caused me a LOT of difficulty Googling, that's all I say...

And talking of entertainers, here's a hyacinth macaw talking... look at that fearsome beak! They can apparently crack coconuts unassisted!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Boxing Day 2009: Snow Donkies and Cloud Dogs

ALL SNOW AND ICE is gone: London looks normal again.

Pictures: Lovely Dalston, North London Line train Hackney (previously called "the free line" due to utter lack of ticket checks), Chelsea mansion blocks. I wanna live in an apartment like that one day...

And here's some...

Are apparently called Bichon Frises (never knew that before!)
I really want a huge Wolfhound type dog and one of these:

A tribute montage to TrotterDonkies in inclement weather everywhere...

A video tribute to Billygoats and Hooved Trotters on snowy farms everywhere...

TITANIC theme music
... I wasn't too impressed by Celine's vocal yesterday... this is the only Celine song I REALLY like... those Scottish pan pipes... and what a film! All the press it got during shooting made it sound like a flop in the making and didn't it gross $1.6 BILLION..??!? Wow!

... Look at this cute fuzzy donkey burying its nose...

... and... last but not least, a baby cloud dog
(a bichon frise puppy)
how cute!

Hope y'all had a good one... if your Xmas wasn't merry, then I hope at least it was tolerable... Take care and a happy 2010!

Friday, December 25, 2009


I'M HAVING ROAST BEEF DINNER "for" Xmas ~ even though I don't keep the dastardly waste-of-space day I know everyone else does so I feel left out if I waste the day off my head on heroin, which is my customary way of "celebrating" Christmas.

Today I'm having a literary Christmas, I hope.
I bought those paperback ringbinder things, (dunno what they're officially called) ya know ~ those things students use to bind a project ~ to stop my errant papers blasting all over the place. I'm in continual terror of losing a page...

I hope everybody has a pleasant day out there... "pagan"-mas "Saturnalia"... Roman-Catholicized "Christmas" // or whatever your "bag" happens to be.

And most importantly of all: HERE'S WISHING EVERYONE A SUPERLATIVE 2010 ~ first year of the century we're allowed to say "twenty" at the front without sounding pretentious!!

Cheery-bye everyone!!

"Naturally" a Bengal tiger, African lion and American black bear would never meet... and yet, thrown together by persons who didn't have their best interests at heart, what a story!
Cuddly friendship... How cute is this. They were rescued as babies from evil drug dealers who wished to keep "high class" exotic pets in the garden... their thoughtful keepers at the zoo to which they were taken were insightful enough NOT to separate the three... and how amazing... have a look:

Here's the report from ITN news:

First Person: Lion-Tiger-Bear Harmony..!

All by Myself ~ Celine Dion
I know she's a bit gawky and geeky but man ~ what a voice! And I love that Scottish-sounding one she did about Kate Winslet throwing the Hope Diamond into the chill depths of the Atlantic after Romeo di Caprio died... how romantic!

Images: lovely roast beef dinner as only the English can pull off (must include cauliflower cheese and Yorkshire puddings and lashings of gravy..!)... I've not written probably 100th of this, but that's what War and Peace would look like in MS form...

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Xmas Eve 2009

It rained here in London last night.

The streets are more like ice rinks than ever before. I have to walk on the highway to avoid skating everywhere...
(Isn't New York wonderful..!)

Huge Xmas rush in the shops...

Steady on now, people. Where's this "Christmas Spirit" y'll go on about...?!?

I'm off to get a small fishtank full of methadone as we speak...

Don't the Trotter Donkeys look beautiful in the snow!

A snowy donkey in summertime!

Wishing you all the very best of luck with families, cooking, logistics, wine, celebrations... etc... tomorrow!

Have a cracker of a day!!

Absolute cracker number one Xmas song:
The Pogues + Kirsty McColl

What a voice this girl has! I think this is her best song/mix so far:

This is Leona's latest release. I wonder if the person who wrote the tune was English..? It sounds really English to me...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Brrr III


Pavements are still slippery.
(This picture may come from New York.... ahem!)

The Trotter Donkies dream of long days in summer meadows...

Hey I thought MY name was Trotter Donkey!

I say, Mummy! Can you hear the chipmunk squeaking at us!?!

Hey we were called Trotter Donkies before you. And we've been in a donkey derby!

Talking of snowy donkies...

... don't freeze yer ass off!

Wah wah waaah!!

OH FATHER ~ a lovely wintry video from Madonna:

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Brrr II

LONDON HAD MORE SNOW last night...

Several Eurostar trains running London-Paris broke down in the undersea tunnel, leaving thousands of French passengers stranded in London | not to mention Brits marooned in Paris. Several hundred people had to wait many hours to be rescued from the defunct trains. There is chaos at St Pancras International and Paris Nord and no-one knows quite when they'll get back for Xmas...

It snowed at the donkey sanctuary too.

Hello Big Ears!

Luckily a Siberian horse-rustler gave the Trotter Donkies shelter ...

No more donkey derbies for the time being, then...

Seasonal Greetings to y'all ..!

We have a Trotterdonkey doggie like this on our road. One day I want to get one of these, as well as a Gwendolina and a fuzzy donkey...
This vid courtesy Bermudabluez.Blogspot.Com

Monday, December 21, 2009



Pavements are like icerinks...
... yes, this picture was taken in London ~ honest! (I'm a dishonest person...)

The outsized ferris wheel is called the London Eye... isn't it majestic?!?

This one really is London ~ wahey!

Merry Xmas to all you pagans out there!
(It IS, after all, a PRE-Christian festival...!)

PS and OH ... a Trotter Donkey in the snow...!

Come here QUICKLY for some snapshots of les vacances parisiennes/etc chez Bimbimbie!!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Donkey Derby!


Yes! The sharp-eyed amongst you will notice these pixx are conflated from several derby days of the donkey kind...


Chomping at the bit (hardly!)... the furry donkeys cannot wait to race!

All the Trotter Donkeys in a row...

And off they ping!

... trotting away...!

Oh no! A wicked witch has cast a spell on the children!

The race took so long, the children who got on the donkeys aged 6 and 7 passed 13 years before the race finished!...

Giddy up now!

The lucky winner!

1. A little more sedate than the Kentucky Derby (this does have moving pictures after a brief photomontage)... or the Grand National (as featured in National Velvet) for that matter... a GENUINE DONKEY DERBY!

2. Aww! Look at all the furry donkeys...

3. Here's a one-girl donkey derby in Sweden or somewhere... What beautiful countryside!

Friday, December 18, 2009


DULL AS... YES, THAT'S ME nowadays, I'm sure...
for the dishwater ~ for that's surely what I've become as dull as. I can see it. Nothing more to say. I can't sleep. I'm up all night watching television, jotting notes, telling myself it's some sort of novel.
All the time I feel empty inside and don't expect ever to feel better. That's not glass half full thinking ~ it's just the truth.
Now to the weather: it's freezing cold.Sleeting and snowing and gales blowing through the interior of my house, so it's like hobgoblins at the door rattling, shaking, pleading to come in.
The air was so very cold yesterday morn, I could barely breathe. Apparently Paris is so whitened by blizzards it resembles wedding cake.
I don't know what else to say because it's late. Those gremlins at the door are banging, crashing, hammering no end! Better go now ~ enough dishwater for one day.
Who knows? By tomorrow I do believe all will be frozen solid!

Click on my Paris link and you see my Aussie friend Bimbimbie's day in the snow!

Washing up from EconomieSolidaire.Com...Detergent water from ZanyZebra... Paris snowstorm ~ StevenUnsworth.Co.UK ... "2003 Snow in Paris" by Paul Flaggman ... Cyborgers.Wordpress.Com



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood