A Late Wakening

I LAID IN BED ALL DAY TILL 5PM then defrosted for an hour (ie smoked cigarettes in front of the television) then HAD to go out to the bloody methadone chemist. Strangely the methadone made me feel much better. Yesterday I was manic in the morning, depressed in the afternoon. So depressed I had to go to bed I felt lousy. Couldn't even eat, so I had to buy a shish kebab. I get the couscous version in the box with salad. A full meal of smoky lamb chunks for £6. The shop that does the less salty salad is shut over Xmas. Lazy bastards!

I nearly had a big row in the library just now for phoning a friend. Some Asian guy kept coming up to me asking me to keep it down. Then he told me to stop talking when I was trying to LISTEN to a very involved story so I yelled I'M NOT TALKING then the rude woman who tells the homeless man not to sleep in the library said "well I can hear you" so I deliberately spoke as loud as possible as I gathered my things and left. Amazingly I didn't feel the biting cold that had me in sweats of misery walking down. That's because my methadone is finally working.

The poor girl in the room next to me has bought an LCD TV and expected to get Freeview channels out here in the twee suburbs where we get the worst TV reception I've ever experienced. I said you'll be lucky. Then she asked me how to tune it in I said highlight analogue tuning and she got 4 channels of snow, just like I get. The other night Gladiator came on ITV. I slammed in the DVD and compared scenes. The DVD was normality. On ITV it was snowing in Rome!

I'm feeling ill. I don't know why. Is it just manic depression again? I don't know. I feel like I want to puke. I have an abscess on my right foot. The abscesses on my legs have gone down after I stuck surgical blue needles in each one and drained them but this one on my foot is too painful to mess around like that so I might have to go to casualty (that's the ER to you Americans) to get flucloxacillin, which is the normal antibiotic for drug abscesses. Yes I'm afraid I was using every day over the Xmas break (and what sane person wouldn't?) but now I'm back in the routine of knocking back methadone like a 40 year old baby in under the chemist's "supervision" I somehow find it easier to keep the old nose clean.

I'm fretting about what I'm going to eat tonight or should I just get drugs instead? I don't really want to do anything. I wish I could have general anaesthesia. I wish I could have £10,000 to put my magazine together. I worked out start up costs would be a mere £1000 for computers and phones but several grand to pay the printers to knock out the things. In this country WH Smith are the main distributors of periodicals but I need more information about how you persuade shops to order more copies. Can you do offers like buy 20 get 20 free? Please if anyone knows anything about the magazine industry please help me. I really need a detailed book on the subject that goes into the mathematics of print run costs and advertising revenue. Websites and links please. BTW I have looked into the idea of publishing online and for various reasons it's a non-starter. The entire point of this magazine is that you take it home and read real words on a real page. Even Dickens published a magazine "Household Words". Not a website. Did you know when American newspapers went online they garnered a mere TENTH of the advertising income from the internet as from paper. Please someone who has edited or better still been advertising or circulation manager on a magazine get in touch and tell me how it's done.

Well I've got to go else I'll get terminated. Happy New Year to one and all. (Just in case I'm not in the mood to post between now and then....)


Illustrated: the standard of technology in my house (except you can't even have a set-top box in my house) ~ the landlord who takes in over £200 PER ROOM per week ie SIXTY THOUSAND POUNDS A YEAR income from this house cannot even be bothered to fit an operational high gain television aerial to our chimney!



HARDCORE TECHNO VOL 4



HARDCORE TECHNO VOL 3

Birdie Din-dins

I SAW a gorgeous pigeon today in the bushes by the library. He looked just like this one, with white neck.

My first thought was: What a beautiful bird.

My second said: He would make a beautiful pie!!

But I didn't trap him or eat him. Instead I stalked him with my mobile phone camera, and got shots of undergrowth with "find the pigeon" puzzle (like those hidden-object games) ~ the 21st Century "spot the difference". (These are the only newspaper puzzles I'm truly good at. Crosswords rely on spelling rather than language itself (which would appeal to me more). Sudoku was invented by the Japanese because their language will not fit into crosswords. I recently told someone this and he was gobsmacked and said "well I never thought of that before!" ~ come on!

I HAVE YET another druggieworker as my old new one's leaving. The new one is a nutnut nurse. So I've come full circle. I even went to a dual diagnosis support group. Is it irony or fate or what is it? ~~ that I felt I had far more in common with the medicated psychotics in that room than the typical boringly alike swaggering junkies you get in other druggiemeets...?

At least people who go crazy end up in different places and get there different ways. Insanity comes in strikingly varied colours. Drug addicts, on the other hand, are all such the same-same-same they are chronically boring. The attitude is boring. The brittle exterior. The "I'm better at being an addict than you" you hear all the time. All boring boring boring. Same same same. And they're all liars. Partly because the system trains them to be... through the unrealistic expectations it places on addicts and the continual, implied threat that if you don't claim to be doing well enough you'll get cut off your script. Why on earth anyone would work with druggies by choice, especially in a "one substitute fits all" methadone clinic is beyond my comprehension... But there you go.

I'm off now for industrial cod-in-parsley-sauce on wild mushroom tortelloni with Orkney cheddar-sprinkled broccoli.

So what are you having for tea?

I'm Rich!

... RICH IN INFORMATION, that is. For today I joined the library! And because this is a new borough, where I don't owe massive fines from ten years ago, the application went straight through! I wandered about like a lottery winner in a department store thinking: Any of these books could be mine!

Little things little minds ~ yes.

Also I get free internet time ~ wahey!!

VIDEOS OF THE DAY ~ UK ANTIBINGEDRINKING CAMPAIGN
"YOU WOULDN'T START OUT A NIGHT THIS WAY SO WHY END IT LIKE THIS..?"

BINGE-DRINKING BOY:



BINGE-DRINKING GIRL: