Sun is shining.... expensive new optical wear required...!

YOU KNOW if I deleted everything that might embarrass me at some time afterwards, I'd barely have any blog left.

What was all this crap about me being pushed into lying in front of a train by the bitchy Buta? Ridiculous!

I was in a right tizzy earlier. Then I spoke to somebody else from the clinic, who calmed me down.

Now my mood has switched and I've been feeling slightly manic all afternoon. And it definitely is mania (or hypomania, to be precise). I feel like I've drunk an enormous amount of black coffee and it's kicked in all at once. Or I've taken a tiny dose of speed and it's there, perking me up all the time like a hamster's perky ears... I'm also having mood swings. One minute I'm high, next I have an unaccountable sinking feeling. Then I'm hyper. Then I want to cry. Exactly what happened before when the mood went UP!

I'm quite happy being UP. It's FAR better than being down. I was reflecting on how this is supposed to be a mental illness and thinking what a crazy place is this world we live in. I hope I stay up like this. I think I deserve it. I've been depressed for far too long. I also want some Transitions or Reactions lenses for my glasses. I didn't want photochromic lenses in my only pair of glasses, as they always darken when you go outside, no matter what the weather and I'd only want that in summertime. So I'm saving another £69 to get the trendy frames everyone says suits me in Reactions brown. To be frank, I prefer grey-black to brown, but my frames are bronze so grey would look like a mistake at the factory. What do YOU think?

I was going to get contact lenses (mostly so I could wear sunglasses) but I'm too old for contacts these days...

Ukh you know what, I wish that Buta woman hadn't put pressure on me the way she did. I'm now fantasizing about going into rehab. And to do that I need the rehab seminar. See this is what happens when you cajole and coerce against people's will. They wont' even do what they WANT to do, because you're forcing the point. I would have thought Buta, being a mental health nurse, would understand that aspect of human nature. But then again, she does seem a bit stupid, so who knows....



20:30 hrs The News of the World, Britain's most salacious tabloid is to go out of production as of next Sunday. The 168 year old publication, which sold 5 million copies in its heyday had become mired in a giant phone hacking scandal. Royals, celebrities and even murder victims' families' mobile phones were hacked into resulting in a scandal so great that the newspaper lost nearly all their advertisers ...

Good Day Sunshine

IT WAS SUCH A GORGEOUS SUMMER DAY today :: I walked everywhere wishing I had a camera to capture its ever-gleaming sparkliness for my blog. A Royal blue sky, a transcendently gleaming sun. Everywhere they touched was pristine and resplendent. But underneath it all, London lurked, dirty, coiled, a tired old man of a city who's finally had his twice-yearly bath. The gold never quite met the muck. But how the rooftops gleamed!

Finally having got fed up of washing myself with a section of soap the size of a 50p (remember those pick-outable fruits of the forest blobs I mentioned) I got proactive and purchased an immaculate bar that was so noncoloured, nonperfumed, not even namestamped, that it seemed to glow surreally from within like a mogul's jewel. So on washing my "pits" I placed hand to face expecting at least some manner of soapy smell to come back: instead, tendrils of vulgarity assailed my nose - a kind of rancid onions compost heap mingling with untreated sewerage. O! That was just the whiff of my own body! No worries there...

Seriously though, all these opiates bung up your olfactory pathways. On detoxing to various degrees various times I was horrified how much I thought I'd been clean but in fact wasn't. And to think, in years gone by I was so obsessively clean I used guiltily to ask whether I could borrow people's shower just because it had been a sweaty day. I wish I had a shower now. The negative ions on a heavy day can actually get you a high from the spray. But don't even think of experiencing this if you're on hard drugs. These dull the mind to all but the most primarycoloured of experiences - hence two diametrical character traits of addicts: a seeking after hyperstimulation at the one extreme and a perceived need to be coccooned from all life's sensations, good and bad, at the other ...

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STOP PRESS: I'LL BE GABBLING on the Gabbly at midnight tonight, London time, to anyone who wants to "meet" me ...

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STOP PRESS AGAIN: I've just had Gabblly disaster! Paterfamilias I was there albeit a couple minutes late (but no more than that) due to eejut other people's wallclock grrr. (I got superstitious about logging on too early which with hindsight was a waste of superstition as some broadband gremlin's really been earning his keep tonight. I'm sorry i WAS here but it kept saying you had just "left" in grey (even though you weren't listed to the right ..(?)) then, when you did talk you didn't seem to get my reply ... this has never happened b4: did you have a bad connexion? We must try another time. Cannot let gremlins get the better of us. Don't give up ::we shall overcome!