Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!
Showing posts with label bonfire night. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bonfire night. Show all posts

Monday, November 05, 2007

Festival of Lights: Remember Remember ...

"REMEMBER REMEMBER THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER -
GUNPOWDER, TREASON AND PLOT!"

IT'S BONFIRE NIGHT TONIGHT!

Ostensibly a festival in remembrance of the famously foiled Gunpowder Plot of 1605, whereby a dolt named Guy Fawkes and his chums planted great tubby wooden barrels full of high explosives all throughout the cellars beneath the English Houses of Parliament... only to get caught, tried and hung, drawn and quartered...

To this day people all over England, Scotland and Wales set off fireworks and light huge bonfires, often complete with a huge human effigy called the "Guy"...

This actually predates that Guy Fawkes by many centuries, back to a dark time crackling with the flames of ritual magick, where bonfires were bonefires - screaming with the agonies of human burnt sacrifice.

It's all part of the ancient Festival of Lights, part of the same Indo-European pagan heritage that links Bonfire Night to the Hindu "festival of lights" Divali. Very often the two festivals clash and, having several hundred thousand Hindus here in London we have twin fireworks extravaganzas every night for over a fortnight. My friend Mother Hubbard calls it "Doolally" when this happens.

I would imagine most of the big fireworks displays would have been this weekend just been, though I've not glimpsed any. There were some manic garden fireworks last night tho. When it comes to cheap fireworks I much prefer the type that go off with a jack-in-the-box shriek-&-bang rather than just a pathetic half-second fall of lights, like a cigarette being tapped out of a car window.

Surprisingly my hamsters weren't panicked at all by all this bang-crashing (being as they take any opportunity whatsoever to rush about as if their lives are at an end). Perhaps they are growing up. Or maybe their secret goblin who lives in the granary box, clambered out and caused mischief in our back gardens last night...

Well it's barely six p.m. at time of tapping yet pitch dark. It's dark not too long after four thirty these days. Deepest winter is a three thirty nightfall, which is terribly early. Meaning you'd get up in darkness, leave for work in the dark. The sun skirts exhaustedly just above the horizon, either suffusing the clouds with watery light or else dazzling straight in the eyes from the end of your road. Then evening, as I said falls not too long after three. Nightfall in this country always takes much longer than in more tropical climes. Not for us the ten minute sunset then ~ WHAM! ~ starlight... no, we get a great display of it, the yellowy, tired, extinguishing sun, settling down on its ruddy pillow of horizon doing everything to say "look folks, I did get up (just). I was here. I promise to come back tomorrow." No wonder those folks of old so treasured evergreens as evidence that summer would return - if many months down the road - at long (eventual) last.

Now I have to go, Valium Marilyn just came stumbling into this internet caffe and I'm getting dirty looks from a multinational crowd of poker players, porn viewers, emailers and people writing job resumes... gotta go...

have a merry one everyone!

And if it's not merry, may it be tolerable.

If you are doing bonfire night, follow the advice of Blue Peter and keep those pets indoors!

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STOP PRESS: It's now 9:01pm; our skies are full of coloured lights and bang-crashes...

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Another Gunpowder Plot link.

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Anton
How come all schoolkids' blogs from Singapore-Malaysia are like this?
No comments under each post, but a "flashbox" thing for messages from all their usually Chinese pop music loving friends? Go to http://fresh-blogg.blogspot.com and have a look ...

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Boum-boum/Taga-boum
http://tagada-boum.blogspot.com
intellectual French poetry...

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Absolutely transcendently psychedelically colourful Italian seafront houses... amazing!
From Isabella http://sheeppuppet.blogspot.com
clickonthat too but do click on the top sentence... I've never seen a street so paintedly bright..!!..

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Striking images:
http://hummann.blogspot.com
a blog in Thai!

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Amazing bottle top collection:
http://eleventwentyseven.blogspot.com
(how do they get 'em off without bending 'em? I certainly can't do that...)

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Scrap from Scratch
http://scrapfromscratch.blogspot.com
A classic American "scrappin'" blog... (we don't really have the same thing over here) ...

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Beautiful French cats

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Arizona and Wales: Dorien's Photo Blog
Great stuff at:
http://dorrien.blogspot.com

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This is what Eileen sent me:
Toronto photographer living under bridge (news article)
Her photos on flickr http://flickr.com/photos/anacrisan

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Tune of the Day:

Mozart's Requiem

Specially for Ivy ~ because it's Mozart's top tune

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Click for more e-"season's-greetings"-cards

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Another fantastic autumn-in-the-water picture; this one from Debsbox

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Writing romance. Instructions from the masters/mistresses: Harlequin/Mills-&-Boon!
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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood