If you go away

I'M STILL clearing up. I'm hoping to get the worst of it done by tonight, then I have one clear room. Not completely perfect, but within the bounds of "normality"... At last!

I've thrown away one black bag full of empty sin bins, and I'll have another black sack full of full ones for the exchange! I'm so looking forward to turning up as Junkie of the Year. Not.

DUSTY SPRINGFIELD: IF YOU GO AWAY
This tune just came on tv. I like:~

Ridding

I GOT RID OF ALL MY NEEDLES. I cleared two drawers full of drug-rubble. The towerblock-shaped yellow sharps bin is full. I filled three smaller bins with more needles. I'm determined to clear as much as I can today, but I feel tired and basically ill. I need more energy.

I have one drawer to go but it has more "normal" stuff in it. I hate dealing with drug paraphernalia, as it makes me think of drugs.

Literally everything I have that I don't need is going. Like I say I do need more energy because I'm exhausted already. But I'm not giving up. I'm fed up of living in a dump.

Exchanging Lives ... (+I'm a Thinking Blogger II, + David Beckham + England Pepsi Cola Must-See Commercial)

SUCH A TIRING BEAUTIFUL DAY... and yet I wanted no part of it... For so many years, the weather and I have been at odds. At best, the most splendid sunshine does little to thaw me out; at worst, I'm so thawed I'm sweating amphibian-stylee. Today I just wanted to retire from it all. Not only was I sweating like a swine, but I was stinking and not feeling at all oriented to submerge under cold water (still no hot water, so a cold bath would mean a stone cold one). All day I was being chided by life to engage. All day I failed to do so. The needle exchange gave me an enormous yellow sharps container, big enough to hold several hundred used "workses" ... this I carried in a dark blue carrier bag ... and yet, somehow (and How on earth this happened I've still not a clue...) I managed to bring home one carrier bag yet devoid of yellow container. Where did it go? Mysteries, mysteries.

What do I need such a container for? A huge number of old worksies lying in boxes in my house, in the bottom of drawers, mostly blunted up. In shameful quantities. Several of those huge yellow containers full, for sure.

In fact, to coin a phrase, my mind is focused on Exchanging Lives ....

In the late afternoon I got so depressed, and not wanting to creep back inside where it is so extraordinarily broiling hot (I'm in a garret room. Talk about roasting. And I've a powerful office-fan in there and it's still too hot. Ukk! As I say, I didn't want to go inside and so found myself curled up on my doorstep like a mouse, sleeping off the dregs of the day... Horrible day. Horrible me, more like. Tired, tired, tired. I'm tired of this life.

But I did, at least today (in the last hour, actually) come up with a killer scheme of what to do. I don't like posting up plans really. Plans are for doing. Fantasizing about doing them is only good when it imparts them power. But I don't want to dissipate my dreams by blabbing them. Does that make any sense..?

My story of a thousand instalments I should hopefully finish up by tomorrow. I've been racking my mind about what I want to do how and when ... how I want to spend my energies and my life, both in the immediate and far future. For the time being I shall leave you with this thought: I want so much more from life than a drug habit and a blog!

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I'VE WON A THINKING BLOGGER NOMINATION AGAIN!
Many thanks to Janice "Twist and Skewer" NW!
Here are my all-new nominations:

Nicole Mobile
http://nicolemobile.blogspot.com/
Of Czech origin, she's found herself in Amsterdam via Adelaide, South Australia. She's a graphic designer and so thinks in the medium of photography. Take a look at the blog and you'll see how "thoughtful" requires no words ...

Ruth's Million Stories:
http://ruth-boofie.blogspot.com/
In her own words: ruthjen (ruth jenner)
Happy wife and avid gardener. My Husband was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer May 2005. Given 2 months tops to live. I cared for him at home; sadly he passed away April 6th 2007; somehow I must go on.
Compelling, uncompromising; a powerful ongoing true story ...

Plumpiemousie
http://plumpiemousie.blogspot.com
This is the first blog I ever visited after I first set up my own, and I'm still in touch with Mousie to this day. Plumpiemousie is a magickal village, somewhere on the dreaming seashores of France ...

Merle
http://merle-3rdtimelucky.blogspot.com/
A "silver-surfing" Australian lady from Melbourne. She's full of common sense and posts up the most amazing parables, proverbs and fables. Very intense (too much sometimes to take the entire post in at once.) (And I don't get where she gets so much material to be able to post it every day ...)

Audrey
http://audrey-forca.blogspot.com
Blogging from Scotland. She understands life's little contrarinesses and tricks. "...I have spread my dreams under your feet, tread softly for you tread on my dreams..."

To those nominated: you must nominate five others (it doesn't matter if they've been nominated before because I've been nominated twice now! But I have to say, I did nominate five different people this time.) You don't have to display the Thinking Blogger medallion if you cannot or just don't want to. But I think they prefer it if you do .... And of course you have to tell those you've nominated via their commentary boxes!


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Click on my entertaining clip of the day: David Beckham and English Soccer Team Bavaria 2006 German Pepsi Cola Commercial. Unless you're really familiar with German television, you've probably never seen this one before, so have a look, be entertained... (It's really funny with blond plaitted serving wench, lads in lederhosen, und so weiter; und so weiter ...!