HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!
Showing posts with label showbusiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label showbusiness. Show all posts

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Happy Birthday, Your Majesty!

TODAY IS HM THE QUEEN's Official Birthday...

... note the term "official"; Elizabeth II actually has two birthdays. Her actual date of birth was 21 April 1926, making her 84.

Her Official Birthday has no set date, but is ordinarily celebrated "on the first, second or third Saturday in June, though it is rarely the third," say the experts at Wikipedia.

As well as hosts of cards, bouquets (why would you send the Queen flowers, knowing they will more likely than not spend half an hour at the Palace before being sent on to a children's hospital?) and prezzies great and small from politicians, dignitaries, presidents and Kings, the today's highlight is the ceremony of Trooping the Colour; all soldiers in microphone-hats (bearskins) and Her Majesty riding side-saddle on her trusty steed Burmese. A stately display of pomp and splendour straight from the lid of a souvenir toffee-tin!

Highlights of the Queen's Birthday Honours include: actress Catherine Zeta Jones becomes a CBE (Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British British Empire), she says it's "humbling and overwhelming" to receive such a distinction; Oscar-nominated actress Sophie Okonedo ~ who I don't like because she skulked into the shop I begged outside on a regular basis and never spared me so much as a glance, let alone a penny ~ gets a CBE too; a railway station announcer ~ MBE (Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire) and a farmer who was awarded an MBE for "services to ploughing" ..(!)

WORLD CUP:
England v USA at Rustenberg. 7:30pm kickoff (London time) tonight.

(Not that, though I've yet to watch a game this year, I'm secretly following this in some underhand, mentally interesting unconscious-eyes-closed-type way ...)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA'AM!

84 GLORIOUS YEARS:
Commentary by the Queen herself ...
If you've ten minutes spare, this will provide educational, entertaining and highly informative coffee-time viewing...

Excerpts are from my Elizabeth R documentary. You can watch this in its entirety (about 2 hours) on my Fabulous Celebrity Blog!



TROOPING THE COLOUR:





BEN STILLER ~ ROBERT DENIRO ~ BARBRA STREISAND ALERT!
MEET THE F*CKERS IS ON BBC1 AT 21:30 HRS!

Having seen Meet the Parents, I wanted to see this sequel when it came out. But of course my local cinemas ran it for all of three days so I missed it. And every subsequent chance of seeing it. Till now...
To those of you not resident in the UK. Sorry.
Why not move here? Half of Mogadishu already has ...(!)

NOTE TO SELF:
GERMAN GRAMMAR LESSONS: BEGINNERS'/ADVANCED

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Gledwood's Guide to London

FOR EILEEN and all who require a guide to the Centre of the Universe (TM). This is the best I could do of patt, of course in a lemon-shaped town that's more than 20 miles North to South and 30 miles across, there's enough stuff to fill an encyclopaedia, let alone a blog post but here goes my little attempt. (Tube stations are italicized in brackets.) I made every effort to be accurate but please double-check with guidebooks or journeyplanners before travel... have a great time!

(Illustrated, clockwise from top: Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace, Harrods.)

Art Galleries
London has two Tate galleries. The Tate Modern (Blackfriars, Southwark) on the south bank, as the name suggests, specializes in such modern art that I was once transfixed by a steel girder set diagonally between two walls: I honestly could not tell whether or not it was a fixture of the building or an exhibit... Tate Britain (Pimlico) houses the pre-Raphaelite and earlier 20th century collections. The National Gallery at Trafalgar Square (Charing Cross, Leicester Square) houses older stuff going back to the rennaissance: Raphael, Canaletto etc. Don't miss the smaller but unique National Portrait Gallery on Charing Cross Road next door. Buckingham Palace has a Royal Art Collection open to the public (see below). There's also a Serpentine Gallery in the centre of Hyde Park but I've never seen it. Special exhibitions aside, entry to most galleries is FREE.

Museums
The British Museum at Russel Square (Russel Square, Holborn) is the British Louvre: Chinese, Assyrian, Babylonian, Egyptian and all manner of ancient relics. The Victoria and Albert (V&A) (South Kensington) specializes in early modern artefacts including clothes. Kiddies adore the Natural History and adjacent Science Museums (South Kensington); the former is especially huge but tends to be a bit of a "zoo of the dead": full of Victorian stuffed animals (but dinosaurs too)... If you're into Egyptology the Tutankhamun exhibition is on at the Millennium Dome (North Greenwich) but costs about £20 entry. Most museums are still FREE.

History and Sights
Get the best view of town from the London Eye (Embankment, Waterloo, Westminster), an outsized ferris wheel on the south bank diagonally opposite Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. Tower Bridge (often mistakenly called London Bridge) (Tower Hill) is the one that opens up. Despite the "ancient" seeming gothick stonework it's barely over 100 years old, which is pretty young for London... As well as grisly true-life torture chambers, the nearby Tower of London also houses the Crown Jewels collection, which are on open display and well worth a look if you stump up the entrance fee.

The best walk takes you from Green Park Tube across the park to Buckingham Palace. If this is shut, there's still the Queen's Art Gallery on the corner (lefthand side) which takes in visitors for a modest charge. Stroll down the Mall to Parliament Square (Westminster) where Big Ben marks the top end of the Houses of Parliament (oficially known as the Palace of Westminster) which has a free public viewing gallery (bring full ID and expect to be rigorously sniffed and searched). While you're in the area a poke around Westminster Abbey, venue of numerous royal coronations plus the most important royal burial ground in England (check floor plaques etc for who's where)... St James's Park, the littlest and prettiest of London's major parks is just off Parliament Square.

From Parliament Square go up Whitehall, the heart of British Government. Downing Street (the Prime Minister's official residence is at number 10) is behind gates about half way up on the lefthand side. Keep going and you'll find yourself in Trafalgar Square, the nearest thing London has to an official central point.

Shopping
For mid-range (often unique) clothes and other boutiques Covent Garden (Covent Garden, Leicester Square) has quite a choice and a central former flower market devoted to street entertainment and overpriced icecreams. Oxford Street is Britain's high street ~ a mile-long strip featuring numerous Pizza Expresses, Burger Kings and McDonalds and every major chainstore as well as the second and third largest department stores in the country: Selfridges and John Lewis . Tottenham Court Road (Tottenham Ct Rd, Goodge Street) is thee place for electronics bargains there are gerzillions of shops. But check the voltage! Ours is 220-240 ~ double the North American 110 volt standard; also British plugs have three pins (and it is not always safe to plug foreign two-pin appliances into bathroom shaver sockets). Charing Cross Road (Tottenahm Ct Rd, Leicester Square) always used to be the centre of the book trade; now more dispersed, though the tatty Foyles (formerly Britain's biggest book shop if not the world's) is still in place. It's also the most disorganized bookshop in the world with no rhyme nor reason as to where anything's to be found...

For luxury shopping Bond Street (Bond Street) intersects Oxford Street north-to-south and has virtually every designer name missing from Sloane Street (Knightsbridge, Sloane Square). Knightsbridge is, of course, best known for Harrods which, with a million square feet of selling space vyes with New York's Macy's as the world's largest shop. The food halls are fantastic and the cosmetics departments can supply virtually any perfume in the entire world, no matter how exclusive. Locals tend to gravitate to Harvey Nichols across the road which has an extensive ground floor full of cosmetics plus about five more floors of high fash and a top floor piano-tinkling restaurant.

Walk down Sloane Street to Sloane Square, home stomping ground of the hideous, braying 1980s pearls-and-twinset-clad Sloane Rangers who all seemed to be named Tilly, Hilly or something similarly ridiculous. The Peter Jones department store is renowned for housewares and home furnishings. The long Kings Road from Chelsea to the more vulgar Fulham (home of people who can't stump up any more than £3.5 million ($7 million) on a house, has loads of small boutiques (including (formerly) the 1960s Beatles' emporium Granny Takes a Trip and the Vivienne Westwood's 1970s Sex (later Seditionaries).

An alternative to Harrods' food halls is London's most grandiloquent grocer, Fortnum & Mason (Piccadilly, Green Park). It's a bit of a theme park in atmosphere (high on tourists; low on locals) but a great place to acquire that 1890s-style China tea caddy.

For toys, Hamleys of Regent Street (Oxford Circus, Picadilly Circus) always was until relatively recently the largest toyshop in the world.

Camden Town (Camden Town) is London's funkier, more alternative homeground... every other shop and stall seems to specialize in leather belts, Doc Martens and handcuffs... there are more extensive markets (specializing in fashion and nicknacks) than anywhere else (despite the recent Stables Market fire)... Camden is thee place to go for streetwear and clubwear...

... And I could go on and on...

But not without mentioning entertainment. The West End theatreland equals Broadway with over 12 million annual admissions to over 40 theatres... just about every major show in the world is here. Book well in advance for popular musicals. If it's not on Broadway it's probably here. And if it's not here, it's doubtless coming soon...

Guides:
The Aussie-Kiwi-South African-oriented TNT magazine is FREE from little metal boxes outside tube stations. Time Out (magazine) is pricey (well, it is to buy weekly if you live here) but well advisable for any visitor. Also the Time Out Guide to London guidebook is the one most locals would opt for. Time Out also do more specific restaurant, shopping, etc guides...

Money
Most international ATM cards work in most cashpoints across town. Traveller's cheques: pounds sterling, US dollars or Euros are all fine. Other currencies may be a little more inconvenient. There are zillions of bureaux de change, but they can be pricey. Post Offices are said to give the best exchange rate.

And that's about it. Tomorrow I'll put a bit about some more off-the-beaten-track places like funky Brixton and posh Primrose Hill but ciao for now...

One last PS re getting around. Bear in mind that the tube map really does NOT represent geographical reality (it's designed for easy viewing and planning of journies)... so Monument and Bank appear to be connected by a mile-long escalator (they are NOT one station by the way and interchange seems to take ten minutes) it is well worth looking up anywhere you want to go on a proper map, judging the nearest stations and working out which is most convenient. E.g. to get to Hamleys, about a third down Regent Street there is little point changing to the Central Line for Oxford Circus if a Picadilly line train won't get you faster to Picadilly Circus (hang on is this a good example? my brain is going dead...) look it up on a proper map or you might well spend longer changing trains and lines than just walking from somewhere a little further off.

Friday, December 28, 2007

(Thursday) Day After Boxing Day 2007


IT SAYS FRIDAY AS I TAPPED THIS IN AFTER MIDNIGHT...

THOSE PONGEROVSKIS ARE DOZING IN THEIR TEABOX IN DISGRACE. Whenever I dare venture a hand inside, Sergeant Itchy wakes like a light flicking on and glares reprimandingly at me. "Whatever you're thinking, don't bother. We're on to you." She gets more like Spherical every day.

Last time I poked my head in the tartan I kept whispering "hello you little Porkshires. Hello hello!" in the same tones that might have a puppydog scampering this way and that yapping (and maybe even "baying"~haha!). Then out come the three pink noses followed directly by their beady-eyed mini Porkshire terriers' faces. Then they're scampering about this a-way and that, all excited. And Bashful's following my fingers really closely, guaging which moment to seize to bite!

***

As you can see, not a lot doin' today. Actually when I last did look there was Robo-jamboree going on. One leaping out of the "jagoda" Jaffacakes box, another squashed down the magic-wand tube and violently gnawing at the Parmesan Toilet's door. Then out of the toilet Itchy springs all guiltily (again). I dunno what has got into them.

***

I did hear a very inspiring radio interview-cum-feature by Alvin Hall who is an American moneyman person who does TV and radio features on business and finance over here (dunno if he is well-known in America at all!) anyway this was on the subject of the American rapper Jay Zee or Jay Z* if you want to be cool (but Z says zed to me!)

Funny: when I was at school the only thing I wanted to be was very rich and successful yet now I'm poor and unsuccessful. But JZ fought his way up from dealing drugs on the drug-ridden streets to rapperstardom to massive success with clothing lines and many many hiphop-oriented endorsement deals in the US. So much so that he was worth $350 million last year which isn't bad.

Now I have to "fight" my way up to the top. But perhaps not much "fighting" is to be done at all: the top is my natural place. Scum, just like cream always floats right up there soon enough!

***

Nothing else to say: I spent most of the day asleep!

***

*Jay Z really does have his head screwed on: I found this link "Jay Z disses the dollar... appears flourishing euros in his latest video"... smart guy!!

Monday, October 01, 2007

As Summer Morphs To Autumn...

DARK, DANK, RAINY AUTUMNAL MONDAY. Welcome to October everyone!

I know some of you
are surely reading this in sandy parts with azure skies and gekkos on the walls... well lucky you. There's a chill in the air and I am so weary today I can barely move. I really had to drag myself off a pile of cushions in the corner of the floor where I had fallen asleep earlier (like a dog, I know!) Tonight I have to do lots of writing, I've told myself, as despite what I've said in posts, the weekend has marked a lull in production I have to have to press on on on...

That annoying George Michael was on Desert Island Discs yesterday morning. How precious can you get. I don't have much truck for people who make their fame and fortune appearing in teenybopper popgroups and playing the publicity merry-go-round... only to turn round eight figures richer and say "oh I want to be taken seriously now so I won't follow any of the rules that brought me this success" - then he wonders why he falls out with his record company! I could go on and on but that's my George Michael point. I could understand how he felt and even why perfectly but I just think he should have grown up and accepted commercial realities - it's not like they haven't paid him handsomely over the years. He made a pretty good interview subject (most people who come on Desert Island Discs are - it's a kind of Vanity Fair magazine of the radio. Nobody's invited until they truly have made it. And the most interesting personalities, incidentally, (so I've found) have been the captains of industry. The "stars" of showbusiness tend to be self-obsessed puffballs of nothingnesses, but that's hardly an original observation...

It is nine minutes to six and gloweringly dark already. Headlights are a-shinin'...

OK I gotta go pharmacy... Ta-raa!

Have a click on my video of the day (up top at present) it's an entire (4.5 mins) episode of that 1970s/80s BBC kids' TV classic Morph! Haha!!

***

BORING STATISTICAL ANALYSIS
I had a poke through my "traffic reports" earlier...


As of today, approximately 32% of my visits come from the USA; 22% from the UK; 5% from Australia, 5% from Canada. A whopping 18% are from unnamed countries. Does anyone have any idea why the hitcounter can't tell where they're from??!? I don't know about this stuff...
There's no seriously far-out locations of late - no Myanmar, no New Caledonia or French Polynesia but I did get 1% each hits from the following countries: Ivory Coast, Indonesia, Morocco, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, Colombia, Malaysia, Hungary, Japan, Sweden. I have no idea who any of those people were. Who does read my blog in Japan?? Or Morocco? Hungary I do know who it is, Malaysia possibly... but like everyone else, I suppose lots of mysterious individuals slink across my blog in the dead of night and were it not for Sitemeter and Statcounter I'd have no idea they'd been... (spooky!)(not!)

The average visit length is about 5 minutes, which is good.

Sorry I tell a lie I just checked the actual figure: 4 mins 30 secs.

Oh and at the moment I get about 80 hits a day. Over time the numbers vary from 40 to 140 - usually at the lower end - humph!

When I see other people's counters I sometimes have a click to see if any meaningful differences arise. Usually they don't. But one fascinating fact does: ie. the average American blog would tend to have about 80% or higher visitors from the USA and maybe 5% from Britain. So here I am in Britain and far more Brits congregate here... which brings to mind that saying: Birds of a feather flock together...

Having said that I don't think many other addicts read this at all. If they do they never get in touch. There ARE "communities" of addicts online, but they tend to keep themselves to themselves; also I'm not cool enough to be one of them...

...o! I just thought about that...

... I think I'm going to cry!! hahaha ;~>...

I bet you all get more hits than me. Evil Spock gets 300 a day. But then Evil Spock has magnetic powers of evil beckoning that hypnotic gaze between the eyeballs...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood