HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Happy Birthday, Your Majesty!

TODAY IS HM THE QUEEN's Official Birthday...

... note the term "official"; Elizabeth II actually has two birthdays. Her actual date of birth was 21 April 1926, making her 84.

Her Official Birthday has no set date, but is ordinarily celebrated "on the first, second or third Saturday in June, though it is rarely the third," say the experts at Wikipedia.

As well as hosts of cards, bouquets (why would you send the Queen flowers, knowing they will more likely than not spend half an hour at the Palace before being sent on to a children's hospital?) and prezzies great and small from politicians, dignitaries, presidents and Kings, the today's highlight is the ceremony of Trooping the Colour; all soldiers in microphone-hats (bearskins) and Her Majesty riding side-saddle on her trusty steed Burmese. A stately display of pomp and splendour straight from the lid of a souvenir toffee-tin!

Highlights of the Queen's Birthday Honours include: actress Catherine Zeta Jones becomes a CBE (Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British British Empire), she says it's "humbling and overwhelming" to receive such a distinction; Oscar-nominated actress Sophie Okonedo ~ who I don't like because she skulked into the shop I begged outside on a regular basis and never spared me so much as a glance, let alone a penny ~ gets a CBE too; a railway station announcer ~ MBE (Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire) and a farmer who was awarded an MBE for "services to ploughing" ..(!)

WORLD CUP:
England v USA at Rustenberg. 7:30pm kickoff (London time) tonight.

(Not that, though I've yet to watch a game this year, I'm secretly following this in some underhand, mentally interesting unconscious-eyes-closed-type way ...)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA'AM!

84 GLORIOUS YEARS:
Commentary by the Queen herself ...
If you've ten minutes spare, this will provide educational, entertaining and highly informative coffee-time viewing...

Excerpts are from my Elizabeth R documentary. You can watch this in its entirety (about 2 hours) on my Fabulous Celebrity Blog!



TROOPING THE COLOUR:





BEN STILLER ~ ROBERT DENIRO ~ BARBRA STREISAND ALERT!
MEET THE F*CKERS IS ON BBC1 AT 21:30 HRS!

Having seen Meet the Parents, I wanted to see this sequel when it came out. But of course my local cinemas ran it for all of three days so I missed it. And every subsequent chance of seeing it. Till now...
To those of you not resident in the UK. Sorry.
Why not move here? Half of Mogadishu already has ...(!)

NOTE TO SELF:
GERMAN GRAMMAR LESSONS: BEGINNERS'/ADVANCED

11 comments:

Akelamalu said...

I'm watching Trooping the Colour now as I type. It's a great spectacle don't you think? :)

Gledwood said...

Absolutely. D'you know after posting all that I never thought to see it on telly. What channel? I've only got 1-5

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

What do you think of England's chances at this world cup? Just to let you know that I am back.

Gledwood said...

England's chances of winning? Very, very slim.
(Though I have to say I'm watching England v USA as we speak... which is not like me(!))
They're not playing that amazingly. No fire. No passion. Too entrenched in the idea that England is a crap country that never wins anything and doesn't deserve to win...

Nice to hear from you :-)...

Syd said...

That scene from the Fockers is so funny. Ben Stiller says, "But mom you were riding him like Sea Biscuit." It is so funny. You will howl.

Gledwood said...

COMMENT #1

Who/what's Sea Biscuit? Closing titles are rolling as we speak. It was hilarious.

I liked the scene with Dustin Hoffman, spray cream and Barbra Streisand's breasts

talking of sprays:

my local supermarket used to do spray chocolate mousse, WAY better than creme;

4get sexual chenanigins, spray the crap straight into your mouth a blob at a time till all's gone. really nice

die hard with a vengeance is coming right on, is that any good?



NIGHTINGALES: COMMENTS PLEASE

Gledwood said...

COMMENT #2

the fuckers were screamingly hilarious. shame on my local cinema for pulling it after about 2 performances. they do that with every film i specially want to see. the queen with helen mirren. young victoria with... precisely. a film with a plot with no-one famous and it's about queen victoria doesn't get shown at all. pathetic

american beauty's now on bbc2. that recurrent rose petals scene reminds me of my x. we used to sit stoned in her old house seeing that scene over and over, hmmm

NOBODY IS COMMENTING ON MY NIGHTINGALES, I NOTICE! come on you recalcitrant lot!!


ok ok call this a stoopid question but:
is American Beauty a comedy?

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I agree it's daft to send flowers to the Queen. Why not send them to someone who is lonely? I thought the trooping of the colour would be on Sky this morning - I wanted to show some students - but of course it was all football, fotball, football.

Gledwood said...

Aaarkh!
I watched some of England v USA but gave up in boredom...
Is the Sky you get called something like Sky Italia, or is it the same as the British one. I mean, do you get 300 channels with names like Hallmark, Dave, TCM and Animal Planet ...? (I wouldn't know...)

Lady Montagu-Pomponjoy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Liz said...

I love Meet The Fockers! It's hilarious.

Does that mean CZJ is a Dame? (Her parents have a house not far from us.)

OOOOH, my verifier is WALES!!!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood