I'm very depressed. I've been taking drugs. I'm trying to get my TV sorted out. I either need to pay for an aerial to be fitted (wouldn't count on my landlord bothering with that in a million years) or more likely a dish. If I get it pointed at 19.2E I get loads of channels in German. So I can educate myself as I stare gormlessly into space for hours on end. I'm supposedly moving house almost immediately but frankly it's worth paying £150 just to hurry the move up and I get to keep the digibox. I'll just have to convince the community nuthouse I'm moving to that Euro TV will be to my benefit. I can also get Freesat installed for £67 but that's too complicated (they only take payment by debit or credit card) whereas if I arrange it myself and pay extra I can pay in cash and should get a cash discount. So that's all that's happening at the moment. Me trying not to take drugs and getting increasingly irritated by the rubbishy picture on my telly. 4 channels and you have to move the aerial to view each individual one. On a lucky day you can even get channel 5. I do possess a freeview box and bought a £70 high gain rooftop aerial on Wednesday. Unfortunately I hadn't a clue how to assemble it. So took it back to Argos under their 14 day money back guarantee in favour of a simpler aerial which supposedly came fully assembled but I couldn't work out how to fit the coaxial cable to the gizmo that plugs in the back (even though I have done this before albeit over 5 years ago). So I brought that one back and changed it for a £59.99 really posh indoor aerial that eventually scanned in some freeview channels (minus BBC, ITV and Channel 4 ie the main channels everyone buys it for) only for it to claim "no signal" on every single one. At one point I thought Al Jezeera was going to come through but no such luck. I only like Al Jezeera because I know George Bush wanted to bomb it. And no I am not an Islamic fundamentalist. Well that's that. I woke up feeling really sick today and I think it might have been withdrawal. A drug dealer on the street gave me a free sample of strong heroin which sorted me right out. Now I've had my methadone and intend to stick forever after to that even though the clinic have a ridiculous policy of insisting that anyone on a declining dose MUST drink it in the chemists under supervision, while a person on a level dose is allowed to take theirs home! This is all "to make sure you drink all your medication". Yeah, as if you're going to drink less than all when you're on a detox. Really logical. Of course I could have opted for take homes and just cut myself down but then I'm going to get moved back to the old catchment area of the old clinic and would have to either go back up to the dose prescribed or confess to the dose I was actually on because all new "clients" at methadone clinics are automatically put on supervised consumption for a few weeks. So that's that. I took eight pairs of jeans and two pairs of pensioner style trousers plus a vase full of the most horrible artificial flowers I've ever seen (all magnolia and brown, like artistically arranged dead moths). Got rid of that tat. Still have an everest sized amount of rubbish to go. Now I must leave you as this computer is about to terminate me. Please someone send me some happy vibes I'm so miserable.
6 hours ago
6 comments:
I want to send you happy vibes from N. Z. I've never been addicted so don't know what you are going through, but I have been unhappy and depressed in my life and had to get rid of the cause! In my case the ex-husband, ha ha! In your case it's got to be drugs making you seriously depressed.
I love my tele., have invested a lot in a good set and getting Sky T.V. installed so I can watch festival movies and quality series to my hearts content. Pure escapism! But I also get lots of love and support from my close friends. Don't you have anyone kind and drug-free who you can look to for support?
From Kiwigirl
Gleds, I'm going to send you some vibes to stop using heroin. I watched an episode of Breaking Bad last night in which a young woman who was an heroin addict (gone back out after 18 months clean) vomited while unconscious and died. It was graphic and terrible. I thought about you. And hope that something so terrible doesn't happen to you. Get off the dope, get clean and detoxed, and you will cheer up.
Hi,
Syd's right. . . I know, I can talk . . . still using and still having good days and bad days. I think I'm just blessed to have so many distractions (kids-though they dont always feel like a blessing at 6.30am!)to not have time to "get into" the depressive days. I just have to get on with it. Eventually something one of them says makes me laugh and it snowballs from there. You need something to focus on other than how you feel. I know this sounds simple and probably makes you wanna tell me to fuck off . . . but you were doing so well. Check you out 2 months ago. What changed?
I'm sending you as many "happy vibes" as I can muster. Ok I'm off to muster.
Take care
with love
Di
x
Hi,I wonder if your cyber social world and lack there of is not helping with your depression..?If and when you do finally get moved you can apply for a grant and then get you a new laptop? Or you might even be eligible for a loan from the social that would cover it.This is all probably stuff you thought of,just thought i'd mention it...Another thing,you can get your social paid into a bank account and get a debit card that way.And argos do deals on freesat set ups for about 80 quid.You might be able to pay cash in argos?And they might do freeview too.i dunno..Ever practical,me...Hope you feel better soon.Its a crap time of year,the dark days etc..not good for man or beast..sensible beings hibernate..mmmmmm..sleeeep...
Annie xx
I'll be in laaahndon town in April
Would love to meet up then
;-)
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