Porkshire Reprimand

DATELINE LONDON 0942 HOURS ~~ i just saw a Chinese woman walking her lopsy-eared Porkshire. It did huge pooze on the pavement and she started reprimanding it loudly in Chinese. Sounded ever so funny.

My "creditors" mentioned yesterday are just friends I borrowed £10ses off over the 2 weeks. I was skint because of paying off bills last week so had to borrow money just to eat. Very depressing, that.

The weather forecast predicts today to be the hottest day yet. I am NOT looking forward to that!!

I've got to go now and imbibe methadone at the chemist.

Dogs that do tricks...

I'M CURRENTLY RESEARCHING so if/when I do get a terrier, I can teach her (I would prefer a she-dog because they're even tinier and don't hump your legs and can have puppies if required)... teach her to do tricks.

Does anyone know much about this? Except that you encourage the tiny trotter to do what you want and reward her with chocolate drops/peanuts/etc...

Talking of tiny terriers, I was reading a dogfood can in the corner shop today and realized the food situation is indeed as suspected ~ that a tiny porkie can go all day on a single standard 65p 400g can ~ whereas an American Akita would require FIVE times as much ~ that's £20 a week on doggiefood as opposed to £4 for a porkshire... know what I mean..??!?

I wasn't joking when I said I wanted to train my Norfolk/Porkie/Cairn terrorizer to bundle into a bag and lie quietly as I quickly rush through Morrisons. No way could I leave the poor swine tied outside ~ I would be far too terrified of dogknapping, which IS rife. E.g. my dealer lost a prize Staff(ordshire bull terrorizer) ... I was once accused of eyeing up a dog with theft in mind. It was a grizzled old West Highland with cloudy eyes so what on earth the crazed black man who did the accusing had in mind I don't know but the owner laughed and laughed when he heard it. "The dog is fifteen years old!!" he hooted.

I have noticed that dogs who do tricks are without exception very well behaved (well it stands to reason that trained=obedient). If I can and I ever do get a doggie I want her to do a selection of tricks, including standing on back legs and hopping, jumping over held-out newspaper (like a steeplechase), staying where told, trotting round in circles until told to stop, playing dead etc... in short the type of tricks the Jack Russel Eddie used to perform from time to time on Frasier... then perhaps my tiny troting mophead terrier might become star of a Talented Pets agency and get a starring role on a longrunning TV show ~ y'know as the family pet porkie on a sitcom or whatever...

ANYWAY, can anybody tell me more about teaching a tiny trotterdonkey terrier to do tricks? What tricks she might be persuaded to do?.. And how? Is it possible to train a tiny terrorizer never to yap? Surely the going-2-bed-in-a-bag trick is easy to train...? Lots of posh ladies take their toy doggies everywhere ... into posh restaurants, bars, shops etc... and only get away with it because the furry mutants (I'm not too keen on pomeranians/chewawas/etc ~ I wouldn't want anything more ridiculous than a porkie)... because these furry swines are well trained and habituated to going in a bag and behaving... know what I mean..??

We did have dogs as I was growing gup, but I've never had a doggie of my "own"... only cats, hamsters, tropical fish (inc. giant snail and dwarf aquatic frog)... freshwater prawns ... and a mouse. Never the canine sort of trotters... so:~ ANSWERS PLEASE!!

ANSWERS PLEASE!!

CAIRN TERRIER TRICKS...
I love doggies with furry "beards" growing out of their "boze" (their snout)... aren't they CUTE!!

These are the kind of tricks I'd want my tiny terrier to do... but they'd have to be more professionally executed for TV...
... but this beautiful ケアーン・テリア is still doing a wonderful job ...
... hey do you really think I could get a baby cairn or porkie caste as the next Eddie on the next Frasier?... wouldn't that be amazing!!



YORKSHIRE TERRIER TRICKS...
THIS is the type of puppy I want ~ a very bright little porkie!



You can see some more tiny terrier's tricks on my Amazing Pets blog...

Porkshire Sunday

I SAW an American Akita, really cute, who looks like he's got shades on, such is his face pattern. He walks down the road two streets away. The owner caught me staring. "But his tail isn't curly!" I remarked.

"Ooh aye!" she replied. I think she comes from Yorkshire.

Talking of Porkshire terrorizers ~ there's a Japanese girl on my street who walks one that looks just like Baby Itchy Roborovski when fur-bashed, soaking wet and compulsorily groomed by Bashful and Spherical. Very sweet.

And talking of Japanese, I'm doing really well with it. Studying every day. I know 200 kanji now and have a vocabulary of about 600 words. I'm aiming at 7000-word fluency within the next two years...

I'm still in a quandry about dogs. There's no room at my place for an Akita, much as I'd love one ~ and I really love them. (Who would ever guess~~!!?!) I found a mop terrier called Scruffy at a North London animal shelter, but I he is reserved and I think I would have to get a puppy anyhow, to train it to do tricks, including smuggling itself in a bag into supermarkets etc (and when my landlord comes round and I mysteriously have to leave every time). We're not really meant to keep pets, though I didn't sign anything. The guy downstairs has a staffordshire bull terrier, but he has access to the back garden... well I'm still working on it...

... and I have to go, I'm about to be timed out as per usual. Hope y'all are having a CHEERY WEEKEND!!

Back tomorrow...