IT IS ICE COLD here in London. The weather forecast said "normal weather for January". It feels a lot colder than normal. I sleep under four layers, I'm so cold. You can see passers by's breath as they go past.
I had a bad reaction to some tea I drank the other day. Four cups over the course of an afternoon was enough to put me on a high then a down. The up and the down turbulently mixed together and I felt very paranoid and weird. I think I'm hypersensitive to caffeine. Two cups of strong tea in the morning seems to be OK. I've had one today to see if I feel any better than on two. I might have to cut out tea and caffeine altogether. It never made me feel "high" until I got a manic "high" last year. But it did used to make me anxious, which made me give it up for a few years, and the anxiety flew away.
I have been feeling mentally wobbly for a while and had a really crap day yesterday. Paranoia and depression with anxiety: but paranoid, depressed and anxious about nothing at all and everything simultaneously.
If I wasn't on antipsychotics I think I'd be having a really bad time.
I was going to talk about tiny tits in the trees but I haven't seen any. Blue tits that is. When we had a birdfeeder when I was a child, our garden seemed to be full of them and great tits, which are slightly bigger.
I hope you all are feeling OK.
I finally get paid tomorrow which is a relief as I got the current non-lot of money early because of the new year. Which means it's gone quicker. I've had to borrow £15 just to survive. I must have spent it carefully as I still had £5 yesterday...
My foot is slowly healing. Maybe the vitamins from the salads help with it..? Who knows. I know that eating salad is meant to be better than not eating it. I know it's not very wintery but it's the only veg I can stomach at the moment (apart from baked beans which allegedly count towards the 5 portions a day recommended by The Government.
And last but not least my methadone has finally gone down to 55mg and is going down to 35mg over the next ten weeks. It's all planned out so no need for doctors' appointments between now and then. I can't wait to get OFF the stuff completely. Really can't wait! If all it's going to do is make me feel "normal" why not feel normal on nothing? I'm taking the last bit slowly though. Don't want to be one of those people who goes running back screaming on to it again. I know a LOT of people are said to do that. I can think of two off the top of my head. Well time's ticking must go... see ya next week.
Illustrated: a blue tit in the snow
12 comments:
Glad to hear you're still eating your 'greens' and cutting down on the Methadone.
Everytime I log on here I get the following message
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and quite often my computer seizes up whilst I'm on here. Not sure why, do you know?
Hi gleds,glad you are still on track and still enthusiastic and realistic about coming of the methadone.The negative feelings you describe are exactly what i felt when i was last clean....everyone told me they would pass but i found i had to pull myself together for responsibilities that couldn't wait and so i failed and went back on the meth.I wish i hadn't,i wish i had chosen subutex,a much better option...but you have a reaction to subutex?So i guess i was one of those who went back screaming for their comfort blankie...at least you are aware.
Annie x
I didn't get a message like Akelamalu, strange ! Carry on, it will get warmer and spring is coming then we all feel better !
Nice tit... I mean the photo - really good photo
Good news on the foot and the dosage... every step is a step in the right direction
Good to see you are getting your dosage down ... little steps and all that :)
I love my mugs of tea but if I drink too many I get a dull headache and the shakes - so I always have a glass of water in-between which seems to help quite a bit... What about green tea have you tried any of the different flavours - I've got a Moroccan mint one on the go at the moment which is refreshing.
Yes well done on the methadone . . you will feel the cold more as you cut down . . . But spring is kind of on the way.
I hope you're enjoying payday and buying loads of deli sandwich ingredients. Fruit and veg will defo help you heal. My fave at the minute is easy, cheap(ish) and good for you.
Halved red grapes, halved & "stoned" cherries, chopped apple. All with a very generous coating of Onken Black cherry yoghurt. O yum. I suppose a little drizzle of honey wouldn't go amiss?
Have you seen that ad for "Netflix" with the hamsters going about their stuff in their houses? Bless the swines.
Take good care. With love x
Hi Gleds,
Sorry I haven't been round for awhile. Sounds that you are doing better. Wishing you a blessed 2012.
I can't start my day without 2 cups of Irish Breakfast tea. Never made me racy tho. Coffee does, had to cut that back big time. Good that you're eating well and yes, bananas and baked beans (not together of course) are meals in their own right
Hi Gledwood,
WOW 120mls to 55mls is one hell of an achievement. If I dropped my meth by that much I wouldn't be on any at all.
Take care, there's some particularly good gear about,if we've got it where I am, it's sure to be in London.
Ps. I've been getting that warning about collectiva tv. for months.
Re the warning: I don't know which widget it relates to but I'll have a look for it and try to take it out!
thanks for the messages everyone :-)
i hope i do feel better in spring...
i hope you do too!
Hey Gleds,
It's been so long that I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember me plus I have learnt the hard way that if I want to keep myself employable, I have to hide both my own addiction and my reading/subscribing to blogs about it. Employers apparently google you name and I doubt they'd look kindly at the mention of heroin in any way shape or form, regardless how good a graphic designer I am. Thought police have won.
Not entirely though. This is my other me. Calamity K. I've already started the blog entries. I'm using it to talk about my unsavoury past and eventually will mention my addiction. Basically my platform to tell any truths that would make me unemployable without having to censor myself for that reason.
You're welcome to my blog:
http://calamityschildaverygoodgirl.blogspot.com/
Just please, if you do remember who I am (we discussed typography once), then keep my id to yourself. I will be starting a more public blog which will mainly focus on graphic design and ideas, how I approach creative problems etc. That's more befitting potential employers. You know how judgemental people can be. I don't like having to hide part of me, if anything I'd like to stand up as an opiate addict that doesn't fit the stereotype in anyway. But that would just lead people that don't know me to label me as the stereotypical addict. The only addicts people read about in the paper are the granny mugging, child murdering low-lifes. It's like the idea of a decent, hardworking, kind and caring addict frightens people. They just can't and won't accept it preferring to hold on to the stereotype. People don't like their views challenged because it challenges their values and beliefs. Which makes me think they must be really insecure about them. If you're interested in the truth, you won't mind, even will welcome having your views challenged and values re-assessed.
That will do for now.
Take care and keep warm and safe.
xxKxx
Very interesting info !Perfect just what I was looking for! “Peace, commerce and honest friendship with all nations entangling alliances with none.” by Thomas Jefferson.
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