HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Ding Dong Dead!

MY ACQUAINTANCE and Valium Marilyn's friend the "Greek Crackhead ..." is dead!

She was never really my friend and we never got on. So I'm not going to start pretending to adore her now. I hate that sort of hypocrisy. I feel sorry for her boyfriend though. He is said to be utterly distraught.

Medically this is a familiar story: middle aged person ~ cocaine user (snorted/injected/smoked ~ it doesn't matter) ~ has sudden heart attack and dies. Apparently in America one heart attack patient in two tests cocaine positive... So none of this is any surprise.

But still... Rest in Peace Andra xx
~ Safe at last

Here's two crack links of the day:

1: A familiar situation:
vulnerable people are targeted, dealers move in, their home is turned into a crackhouse. They lose their home ...

2. The drug services seem obsessed with the idea that crack use can spread the hepatitis C virus. I'm not so convinced. This whole thing comes about from self-confessed crack smokers, who claim never to have injected anything, and yet still test positive to the blood-borne hep C virus. Would you take a crackhead's word for anything? They say things like "the hot pipe can burn your lips"... yet most pipes are built in such a way they do not GET hot at the mouth end... Grrrr! o I dunno.


Reeny's Ramblin' said...

Crack/cocaine is nasty stuff....

Vincent said...

She's better off now, I think... I hope she rests in peace.

Akelamalu said...

Another drug death. :(

Jeannie said...

Wouldn't unprotected sex be a more likely way of contracting the virus?

Baino said...

Don't know a thing about crack but I know enough that hep C is transmitted via contaminated needles (My Nana contracted it in a hospital in the 60's before disposable needles were available) and in a tiny proportion of people through foetal blood exchange when pregnant. Highly unlikely you'd get it from smoking a crack pipe or any other kind of 'utensil'. Also very small risk through sexual contact. I agree, who'd trust a crack head. I'm not sure why health workers are so het up on it. It's treatable unless it becomes chronic then your liver's stuffed.

Gledwood said...


Syd said...

Sorry about Andrea. So senseless.

Jewel said...

I work in harm reduction. Chronic crack users often have dry cracked/chapped lips. Sharing pipes can put you at risk. Also, sharing snorting vessels (rolled bills,straws,etc)is risky. Membranes in thd nose are very thin and snorting drugs can cause damage to the lining providing an opportunity for the hep c viru to enter.

antonia vladimirova said...

за Антония Владимирова, аз се записах на мечтите фондация гости през 2005 г., и тя ми краде Бог говори защитени chrsitian министерство име, министерството на сънищата, Исус дойде в мен, като тялото ми перфектни размери и Rev. Тони Владимирова се опитва да се рушат, но призовава си преподобният, кажете на нея, показват мейла си, и нека я лъжа, никога няма да получите на Светия Дух, които твърдят, че са му Рейчъл Александър, каза, показа, hollie му shes ъ-ъ вещица, hollie, заяви, показа, Рейчъл Александър показва отсече, като му боядисана коса, каза hollie, давай напред и треперят, каза Исус, Im навой този в мрежата, този Исус typeing на компютъра, следете за това , Рейчъл, каза Исус, shes Александър вещица, каза hollie му Пол Муни, каза hollie, отрязани, като, жена си, Micki съди Муни, ха-ха-ха, казва Господ ми хареса си, rache, дявол ти, ти, казва Господ, аз знаех, каза, Рейчъл Александър, about antonia vladimirova, I signed the dreams foundation guestbook in 2005, and she steals my God spoken protected chrsitian ministry name, ministry of dreams, Jesus came inside me like a body my perfect size, and rev. toni vladimirova is trying to ruin, but calls herself reverend, tell on her, show her email, and let her lie, you will never get the Holy Ghost that you claim to have, its rachel alexander, said, showed, hollie, its shes uh witch, hollie, said, showed, rachel alexander showing cut off, with, its dyed hair, said, hollie, go ahead and tremble, said, Jesus, im puting this on the net, thats Jesus typeing on computer, watch for it, rachel, said, Jesus, shes the alexander witch, said, hollie, its paul mooney, said, hollie, cut off, like, her wife, micki sue mooney, ha ha ha, saith the Lord, I hated your, rache, you devil, you, saith the Lord, I knew, said, rachel alexander,



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood