I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.
I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.
My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.
This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.
If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.
PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...
PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!
Attack of the Furry Entertainers!
Monday, November 09, 2009
Sleeping... Eating...
THE WEATHER'S extremely chilly. Fallen leaves everywhere in a brown mush. A "nip" in the air, if I can say that without being racist about the Japanese (according to the Official Politically Correct Handbook, not ...)
All I want to do is eat and sleep. Eat stodge, that is and go to bed in the day. And sleep all night into the bargain. And then when I'm awake all I think about most of the time is doom and gloom. This is depression (again).
I saw a documentary on Japan last night. Japan and Japanese things barely ever come on British telly. Well, nowhere near as frequently as I'd like. Of course there are people from all over the world in London and the UK, but no great community of Japanese expats, so Japan and Japanese things are pretty exotic here.
But there was this British man, who motorcycled (and ferryboated) from Sydney Australia to Tokyo Japan. He was on telly last night. Id' seen some of it before, but this was was the last episode, the Japanese instalment. I sat glued to the screen and nearly fell over when a couple of street signs appeared and I could read them!
京都駅: 京 kyō means "capital city" ... this is the same character used in Tōkyō 東京 ("East Capital"). The second character 都 can be read to or miyako, meaning "the seat of Imperial palace" or "capital".) (Kyōto, by the way, was capital of Japan before Tōkyō took on the title in the modern era.) Railway station eki = a horse 馬 (lefthandside) coming to a halt on the right, 駅 where they say the R should be used as a mnemonic for Railwaystation ...
THIS IS IT: Charlie Boorman ~ Sydney to Tokyo By Any Means ...
You seem to have such longing to see other places...yet you are held back by your addiction. No wonder you are depressed. Have you looked into natural therapies - vitamins/ supplements at all? Was the lethargy there before the addiction? There must be an underlying cause. If you can fix that - you'll be unstoppable. I realize that yours may not be all that simple an issue but I would never have believed that taking a couple doses of GABA would have eased, without any side effects, a lifetime of anxiety (which I now think was bordering on paranoia at times). I had to take the GABA regularly at first but seem to be able to skip doses now without freaking out again. Not having the anxiety has eased my own depression and has me thinking a lot straighter. I think taking the low doses of weed helped a lot too - more than with just the pain but it seems to have lifted my mood for much longer than the effects should have had any impact. Perhaps it adjusted my sleep patterns. I'm not saying the same things would work for you - you have different issues entirely, but what if there is some deficiency that is somewhat unique to you behind everything? You seem to search out good food - perhaps you are subconsciously looking for that nutrient.
I love Charlie Borman, especially in the docos with Ewan McGregor but haven't seen this one. Japan is a weird place by all accounts. My daughter's been there. A strange dichotomy of the straight laced and bizarre. You mean you don't get Iron Chef on telly over there?
That's funny you put up that picture of a hamburger chair thing. I've been looking at chairs online for my place and I keep seeing that chair and thinking it's funny - I just can't seem to think of any way to justify needing a big sandwhich chair, however fun it may be. I can relate to your issues of feeling like your life is just wrong for you and doesn't fit right, but not really knowing what to do to change it. I think a lot of people like us who become addicted to H are really intelligent people who somehow lack basic skills that others have. Like you can obviously pick up languages in a way that not many people can. That's amazing. But maybe something obscure like that is easy, while simply paying bills, applying to school, and organizing your life seems impossible. I don't mean to assume I know your life better than you do. Just a lot of what you write resonates with me, it seems similar to my own issues. I love school, get straight A's, read voraciously, work my ass off, but try to get me to budget my expenses, and organize my responsibilities and it's like you're asking me to fly to the moon. I feel debilitated by basic day to day requirements for life and it's really, really difficult to stick to any routine which may bring about change. I have no solution, just sympathy. All the power to you. And that pic of the bird diving is wicked.
Jeannie: I've heard of GABA but never even thought of trying it... so is it really that good? Maybe I should give it a go...
Baino: the Iron Chef? Is Charlie Boorman a chef then? ... Never heard of it!
That's where I'm getting confused about the series having a million episodes and somehow visiting Africa en route from Sydney to Japan... it was ANOTHER TRIP. Dur!!! OK I know now...
Akelamalu: do you think so? So why the craving? I thought if you craved something you're MEANT to eat it... (unless maybe it's opium...)
Nellie: that's exactly it. My Mum who's doing French classes has a teacher who's learning Japanese at the same college and says it's fiendish. Somehow I can remember those little signs as easily as road signs. But it might have something to do with not trying ... I think that makes a difference too.
I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!
METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH
Heroin Shortage: News
If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.
Christiane F
"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools.
Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross...
Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way.CHRISTIANE F:
TRAILER
You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.
To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...
DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today? If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!
Drugs Videos
Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.
If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.
Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"
In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"
Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).
Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"
Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.
Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).
Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...
And lastly:
German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!
Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?
Here's the 4-methylmethcathinone molecule. This is the "cocaine plus ecstasy"-style "legal high" I took that time and didn't even know what it was... After a brief but intense craze for meow, it was eventually banned in the UK in April 2010
If you wanna see what manic looks like, watch this. If this is the mood she stayed in all day she'd be moderately manic (severely manic is literally all over the place verging into complete incoherence)... I have been known to yell the same stuff over and over, which is why I like this:
Ferry Corsten remix. William Orbit performance. Samuel Barber's Adagio
DJ Seduction: Starlight August 1992
I love this style of music and WHY do kidz today call it OLD SCHOOL? MAKE ME FEEL ANCIENT WHY DONCHA! I really like that ting-ting-tong tune that comes into it about 3 mins in "release the spirit" yeah....! Respect goin' out LizzyD Yeah ;-)
Angelina Joelie: Crazy Chic
Girl Interrupted: best scenes
Mozart's Requiem Tranced Up
I like danced-up tunes now that I'm "OLD". Like this one... The actual name of the tune is "lacrimosa" which means sad. Which is weird it actually sounds uplifting. but there ya go:~~~~~~~~
Click herefor the Drought Post, news is in the comments.
Because there's more than 200 comments, look closely at the bottom of the form for for "Newer/Newest" - THAT is where you click to find most recent comments.
PETITION THE GOVT FOR PROPER PRESCRIBING TO ADDICTS: CLICK HERE
Royals and rugby
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Today is the birthday of King Charles. I remember that because it's two
days after mine and it was also the birthday of Donna, my best friend in
infant s...
HODGEPODGE NOVEMBER 14
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1. What's something you think is under appreciated. Explain.
*I would say some artists, some are real good but don't know the right
people.*
2. As win...
A FAVOURITE FOOD FOR A FAVOURITE SAINT
-
Our *estate di San Martino* (Saint Martin's summer) has been well and truly
over since Sunday and I sit here writing this on a cold, rainy afternoon. A
pro...
Blogging Break
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I'm taking a break from blogging, for two major reasons :a. I find it
hard to concentrate on chosen topics, while there's war and tragedy going
on in m...
Part 2 of "When you are So Mad!!!"
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No, Ive not been set free yet! LOL
I've thought so much about this topic of anger. I'm determined to not let
my life be consumed by my feelings of betr...
It Is Thanksgiving Week
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9 years ago on Thanksgiving morning I wrote a post about what does the
parent of addict have to be thankful about? It is the week of Thanksgiving
2023 a...
Nothing has changed …
-
Well well well …..
No editing I’m 60. And nothing has changed. … nothing. Well yeah, the
boys have grown and flown. The girl has grown and is turni...
The Trauma of Beautiful Things Audio Recording
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*(Dedicated to long time reader & friend Soc Priapist... XxX)*
The Trauma of Beautiful Things
I feel it so profoundly that it comes through me as a sa...
Yeah
-
No, I am not returning, just updating out of boredom. Plus writing on my
phone sucks, so it won't be a long post.
Yep my book sucks, makes close to no mon...
Dona Nobis Pacem
-
Due to moving home I haven't had time to create a new Peace Globe this
year, but I didn't want to let the Peace movement down so I've used last
year's ef...
The end.
-
Saturday, October 28th 2017.
Well, here I am editing my last blog post. It's been exactly 10 years since
I started. The main reason being that I emigrated ...
Too Bad Its Monday Humor + KATZ
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Sometimes Saintly Nick hasn't been feeling well recently. He spent most of
today at hospital having test run. As you know, he has cancer and the tests
ar...
Great article about addiction
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Drug use is common, drug addiction is rare. About one adult in three will
use an illegal drug in their lifetime and just under 3m people will do so
this ye...
Obat Herbal Stroke Berat dan Ringan
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*Obat Herbal Stroke* - Penyakit ini terjadi karena peredaran darah didalam
organ otak mengalami penyumbatan atau gangguan. Penyakit Stroke ini adalah
adany...
The People You Meet
-
Not saying this is a come back of any type, but after farewelling my
darling friend Jeffrey today, I felt the overwhelming need to blog. Met a
weird Japan...
Despair and Dissolution
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I haven't written partly because I was confused by the new setup. Took me
ages just to get to my blog. Frustration.
Everyone can say "I told you so". Hate...
A long time coming....
-
I cannot believe I have neglected this blog for so long.
Just to let you know I will be uploading a post in the next couple of days.
Things are good.
My hea...
Gone but never forgotten
-
Hello everyone....
Saturday the 24th May would of been Merle's 80th birthday...
Unfortunately she is gone, but never forgotten...
I just thought I would ...
Everything in it's place
-
Yum.That people are reading this in Israel and Indonesia, as well as so
many other places around the world that I never would've expected is pretty
fuckin...
How to Negotiate With Used Cars Dealers
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Car traders have excellent discussing abilities. They know how to deal with
their clients with their methods and methods to make sure that they shop.
Amazi...
starry starry night…
-
Ho Ho Ho! Hope everyone had a merry fucking Christmas and will enjoy a
drunken orgy of pleasure on New Years Eve. I had a nice Christmas Day with
Melinda(a...
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
-
.....I think the time has come to acknowledge that I'm not actually
blogging any more.....
PLUS
I'm off on Sunday for a Big Adventure Down Under, with L...
-
Before we dive into another cracker from Paul Gallagher, I first must
congratulate Scott Rush for having his death penalty annulled and the
sentence been ...
Daze of Summer
-
Her mentor is one of the most gentle people on the planet. He catches flies
in his hands and sets them free outside his studio, and he flicks
mosquitoes a...
Musings
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A week has passed since my last post and it's been a week of contrasts.
Right smack bang in the middle of week, Wednesday, was Australia Day, a
public holi...
Who buys CRACK without Brown ?
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See these F.cking dealers up here they cant get the brown sold cause its
shite so lots of people are just buying Whisky and im thinking to myself No
For Me...
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Would you trust someone who was never sure if they loved you?
I want to be held (or posses a large amount of drugs)
I want to be skinny and pretty
I want...
The Neighbour's Gun
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I remember those lazy summer nights. In my light, light dress, I would open
the window and gaze at the moon in the night. I would look and almost feel
th...
THIS is classic slice-of-life video; filmed from a sushibar conveyor belt in Japan. You don't need sound for this one (unless you speak Japanese...)
Never Mind The Balearics...
LOST WEEKENDS... Lost weeks... Lost lives...
THE SPANISH ISLE of Ibiza is the "spiritual home" of much British dance music...
Eva Cassidy: Autumn Leaves
I wonder if Autumn is as miserable your end as it is here..? This song wonderfully reinterpreted by Eva Cassidy (I think) brought tears to my eyes when I first heard it. See what you think ...
Christiane F
Christiane F
("Wir Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo")
Berlin has long been a centre of "alternative" living, attracting the artistic and dejected. And of course heroin rushes into such a void:
You can see the film in its entirety by clicking HERE.
These are my 3 roborovski hamsters!
(And now there is one...) Itchy, Bashful and Spherical... Itchy, the scruffy, dopey (and tamest one) died a few weeks ago. I was very ****** off (no swearing on this blog (or I'd be effing and blinding all the time...)). Spherical and Bashful were the remaining "Trotters" aka Hamsta MCs, Carrot Nose and Trotter Donkey ... until Trotterdonkey died and now poor Spherical Carrot Nose remains alone ...
What name should I give to my fictional slavering English mastiff hellhound..??
Name the Uncooth Doggie...
NOW I'M PUTTING UP A NEW POLL...My forthcoming fiction shall feature a giant, ill-tempered slavering hellhound of an English Mastiff who spends her time savaging pram wheels, dolls, etc; pulling soft toys apart... growling at houseguests, baying at the light fittings etc etc. She has a total personality change, however, when she gets "raped" down the park by a local rottweiler... leading to a howling, baying, snaggle-toothed litter of puppies!Anyway, which of these three names do you think fits best?(In alphabetical order)GwendolinaPansyTinkerbelle???Vote now ...!!
London Time
GMT (aka "Universal Standard Time"):
ahead of the Americas; behind everywhere else...
Trisch & Jen on the phone
Real life spooky phone call. Trisch Li is speaking to her friend Jen, who has a stalker sneaking round the side of her house. I Love the film exposure. I love the funky background. And I love Trisch. She had bipolar. She died. She left some amazing stuff behind ...You can see Trisch manic here.
Moby: Go
Anyone who was a Twin Peaks fan will know this tune: the in-sequence floaty tune played in-episode (not the theme tune) that made that tellyprog so dreamy.
This tune is something else:~~~~~~~
Future Sound of London: Papua New Guinea
THIS tune is transcendently beautiful.
Thank you to Lizzy who reminded me:~~~~~~~
The Orb: Little Fluffy Clouds (Danny Tengalia)
Archetypal triphead/herb-tokers' tune ...
Urban Shakedown: Some Justice
One of my all time favourite "hardcore" rave tunes. The "woman" singing "we live as one family" is actually a man speeded up. The primal line "Now eeeee-yeah-oh-eeeee-yeah we live as one family," sounded to me like the sun rising at psychedelic dawn. For a long time there was forever a part of me left from this 1991-1992 era, still out there, tripping in a certain corn-on-the-cob field at dawn...
Praga Khan: Injected with a Poison
Sums up what my attitude used to be and is once again to gear. That because, "There's a rainbow inside your mind ... Injected with a poison.... we don't need that any more."
Scott McKenzie: San Francisco
I really used to believe all this crap with all my heart. Peace and love and chemical dreams. If you've ever tripped out high upon higher and sublime upon sublime there is no way of bringing the beauty of the experience back with you... I once had a friend down who brought some cocaine. I did some lines and was soon stuck to the ceiling. I had tickets for a rave in south London. He was too wasted to go. So I had to negotiate an hour and a half nightbus ride all the way down. By Trafalgar Square I was eeing out on 2 pills as well and my eyes such massive discs I couldn't read the bus time tables and had to tell passers-by I'd "forgotten my reading glasses" (how embarrassing)... then I arrived around 3pm. DUR! Not pm (wasn't THAT late 3AM): though these pills didn't wear off till well after 11am which made them superstrong... anyhow... Security let me straight in I'd obviously taken all my drugs (indeed I had: felt like I was flying by this point)... first person I encountered was a middle-aged woman in a ball gown swaying back and forth in the foyer (Brixton Academy: a venue for 5000) I told her: "you are so cool". We subsequently made friends. Watching this video and seeing how stuck in the neverending moment of bliss some "flower kids" are I remember this lady having to tell me: "there's the party. Then the party's over. You have to accept that." But I never could. I wanted happiness to last for ever...
SCOTT MACKENZIE HAS GONE (copyright reasons)
HERE'S JOE BELTRAM 1990 ENERGY FLASH
Who is the superior writer? (From... in no particular order...)
Itchy's "Windy" Face
Not because she has the "farts" but because she "runs like the wind on a windy day" this is Itchy's look when she is nervous...
Bashful and Spherical look like this
(Itchy is a bit smaller)
Bashful's Lookie-Lykie
Hello you Tiny Tubby! Roborovskis are the tiniest of all hamsters, being a mere 5cm/2" fully grown... "Bashful" is pulling a bit of a grumpy face here; but hey!
Should my daily videos stay giant on the top or go mini on my sidebar? (You can only vote once.)
Doggie or Kittie?
You Are: 50% Dog, 50% Cat
You are a nice blend of cat and dog.
You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.
And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.
38 year-old guy, 6 blogs (the main one is gledwood vol 2 so go there for new postings: blogs are linked via my sidebars), I also have 3 video blogs. One mainly music vids, the other random "novelty" clips from Youtube/etc. The third is my Fabulous Celebrity Blog for fans of trash culture. Unfortunately addicted to drugs - yes it was my own fault but what can I do about it now? Addicted means trapped & can't stop. That's how addicted I am. But that's not ALL I blog about. Apart from drugs I love drink. Apart from drink I'm into little furry animals like Pingpong, my Chinese hamster, and my 3 roborovski hamsters: Itchy, Bashful and Spherical... and ... er, food. Lately there has been a drought of the substance that enslaved me for so long. Will I clean up? Only time will tell...
Fun, comforting, and friendly.
You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality.
People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.
6 comments:
You seem to have such longing to see other places...yet you are held back by your addiction. No wonder you are depressed. Have you looked into natural therapies - vitamins/ supplements at all? Was the lethargy there before the addiction? There must be an underlying cause. If you can fix that - you'll be unstoppable. I realize that yours may not be all that simple an issue but I would never have believed that taking a couple doses of GABA would have eased, without any side effects, a lifetime of anxiety (which I now think was bordering on paranoia at times). I had to take the GABA regularly at first but seem to be able to skip doses now without freaking out again. Not having the anxiety has eased my own depression and has me thinking a lot straighter. I think taking the low doses of weed helped a lot too - more than with just the pain but it seems to have lifted my mood for much longer than the effects should have had any impact. Perhaps it adjusted my sleep patterns. I'm not saying the same things would work for you - you have different issues entirely, but what if there is some deficiency that is somewhat unique to you behind everything? You seem to search out good food - perhaps you are subconsciously looking for that nutrient.
I love Charlie Borman, especially in the docos with Ewan McGregor but haven't seen this one. Japan is a weird place by all accounts. My daughter's been there. A strange dichotomy of the straight laced and bizarre. You mean you don't get Iron Chef on telly over there?
Eating stodge will make you feel even more lethargic you know m'dear.
That's funny you put up that picture of a hamburger chair thing. I've been looking at chairs online for my place and I keep seeing that chair and thinking it's funny - I just can't seem to think of any way to justify needing a big sandwhich chair, however fun it may be.
I can relate to your issues of feeling like your life is just wrong for you and doesn't fit right, but not really knowing what to do to change it. I think a lot of people like us who become addicted to H are really intelligent people who somehow lack basic skills that others have. Like you can obviously pick up languages in a way that not many people can. That's amazing. But maybe something obscure like that is easy, while simply paying bills, applying to school, and organizing your life seems impossible. I don't mean to assume I know your life better than you do. Just a lot of what you write resonates with me, it seems similar to my own issues. I love school, get straight A's, read voraciously, work my ass off, but try to get me to budget my expenses, and organize my responsibilities and it's like you're asking me to fly to the moon. I feel debilitated by basic day to day requirements for life and it's really, really difficult to stick to any routine which may bring about change. I have no solution, just sympathy. All the power to you. And that pic of the bird diving is wicked.
Jeannie: I've heard of GABA but never even thought of trying it... so is it really that good? Maybe I should give it a go...
Baino: the Iron Chef? Is Charlie Boorman a chef then? ... Never heard of it!
That's where I'm getting confused about the series having a million episodes and somehow visiting Africa en route from Sydney to Japan... it was ANOTHER TRIP. Dur!!! OK I know now...
Akelamalu: do you think so? So why the craving? I thought if you craved something you're MEANT to eat it... (unless maybe it's opium...)
Nellie: that's exactly it. My Mum who's doing French classes has a teacher who's learning Japanese at the same college and says it's fiendish. Somehow I can remember those little signs as easily as road signs. But it might have something to do with not trying ... I think that makes a difference too.
I meant exactly it re the heroin stuff as much as the language stuff. See I wanna be a writer and can't even express myself right.
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