HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Countless Free Games!

I DON'T KNOW whether it's my mobile phone having the breakdown now, but I downloaded a game for £4.99 yesterday ~ it was called deBlob and you go around blobbing into them and painting buildings various colours. I soon got tired of it. So I had a look down the list of 62 other games available. No Jet Set Willy (see yesterday), and nothing really caught my eye. But I found one called Anno I liked the look of. By now my credit was about £2.30 because I'd also sent my Dad a video message that cost me nearly £2. So I downloaded the £4.99 game anyhow ~ and it loaded up. After this I got into a loading frenzy and am now the proud possessor of Sim City Metropolis, Earthworm Jim, Edge, McVenture, The Sims 3, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Monopoly World, Trivial Pursuit 2010 and Sonic Unleashed ... that's about £60 worth of games on "paper" (as if phones would use oldfashioned paper these days!!)... but it cost me nothing.

But how did all this happen? Did the phone make a mistake and give me the entire lot free? Are they on 24 hours' approval? Will my next 6 topups get instantly drained as cyber-bailiffs home in to collect the debt?

Do you think the FBI will arrest me when I dare step foot on American soil? Can anybody explain anything about this?

Interestingly it's two of the games I thought would be least interesting that rivetted me most: Edge ~ a cube-rolling vaguely Tetris-like situation that reminds me of the old Adventure Game on BBC2 ("gronda-gronda your royal highness!" said the Chinese lady to the teapot... then the plucky adventurers did indeed brave cyber-squared spreading out to the edge of the universe, and if they lost, fell off into the infinite dark... and good old Monopoly, which I play against my telephone, and am currently winning hands-down!

And how was your day??!?

Edge: phone game review

Monopoly Here And Now World Edition:

Sorry my blog has got about as boring as smelling an old man pissing in a lavatory. I'm sorry, really. I feel so depressed otherwise... what do you want to hear about? How I'm miserable, not sleeping and sporadically drinking too much..?

Last but not least...
The Adventure Game ... hammy acting, not-too-bad-for-1986 special effects and... well ~
Just see for yourselves:

DON'T MISS EASTENDERS' 25th anniversary live episode tonight, BBC1, 8pm if you're in the UK ~ outlanders might be able to view later on BBC America/other carriers... we get to find out WHO KILLED ARCHIE MITCHELL!!

Here's a vid from the soap's hayday, when Den and Angie used to regularly pull in 18 million plus viewers... that's equivalent to a 90,000,000 rating in the US of A. Not bad for a shoestring soap, eh?

No! Apparently BBC America have ceased airing Eastenders... but in 2004 The Dish Network picked it up. (Airing episodes 5 years behind...!) So if you're a lucky viewer, you'll know what I'm talking about sometime come 2015..!

Oh what a cute furry entertainer!


Akelamalu said...

I've never downloaded anything to my phone because I don't understand downloads and would probably land myself with a huge bill!

Gledwood said...

I'm not on a monthly contract so I feel free to just swap SIM cards if anything irritating DID happen to my present account... know what I mean..?!?


I don't blame you though. I've nearly come a cropper through loopholes in Ts and Cs before... only found out at the last minute what the catches were, so didn't get caught out.

E.g. pay monthly as opposed to pay-as-you-go mobile broadband charges 30p per megabyte overrun costs... which doesn't sound a lot. Until you realize that is £300 per gigabyte..! And the standard fee for a pay-&-go 1-month 1-gb top-up is £10!!

Janice said...

I have T-moble, and I buy minutes not games. But then again, I don't do much with my cell phone, its for emergencies and when my daughter need something, only.


Gledwood said...

They have TMOBILE in Los Angeles?


I wondered why they dropped the perfectly good name one-2-one in favour of something I knew was foreign (but from where I hadn't a clue till you just told me)...

Syd said...

There are about 22,000 apps for the iPhone so there are endless games and such to download. I have a couple of card games but don't have time for much else, although the Trivial Pursuit sounds interesting. I'll check to see if there is an app for that.

Liz said...

It's when you start looking forward to Midsomer Murders as the highlight of your week that it's time to worry. (Oh dear, I'd better start worrying!)

Oh Gleds! Why can't you find a good doctor or a nurse or someone who can help you?

By the way, I've just got re-addicted to Tetris.

Bless you. Lots of us care about you.

Now my verifier is soarboar! Are you like a boar with a soar head?!!



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood