HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?... Online!

I AM "IMPROVING MY GERMAN" by playing Sims 3 on my mobile phone. Although my first impression of the game was that it was devastatingly boring ~ all you seem to do is run between the loo, the bath, the TV set, flirt and kiss anyone of either sex (gets you more points) and do everything possible to stay in someone else's house (saves money) ~ then when you can't sleep, spend the night fishing and gardening... these are my tips for playing the Sims and I now have close to $3000 in Sim tokens/whatever they're called. But I have 2 boyfriends and 2 girlfriends and sometimes when all 4 are in the room at whoever's house I'm freeloading at, chaos ensues when I trie to plant a "hot kiss" on every one in a row... Anyway, where was this going? O yeah: because it's in GERMAN ~ I had terrible problems with one of the commands. I thought because it was under "hot kiss" it meant going even further (ie that they would like me more). But apparently, so I hear, "beleidigen" means "to insult" ~ no wonder I was constantly being left on my own!!

Speaking of online education, I am also setting up a Learn Japanese Free Online blog with all the links and hopefully embedded youtube screens for tutorials, games, etc. There are so many resources and with Rosetta stone weighing in at £380 for three levels with a mere 1500 word (ie very basic) vocabulary I decided I can afford not to bother with that (unless I could find it bargainaciously cheap on ebay... If anyone's interested in learning Japanese I will give the link once there's something actually on the page.

And last but not least: does anybody remember those oldfashioned text adventure games of the 1980s. "Interactive fiction" they are sometimes called. Well here's Zork: the biggest of them all. http://thcnet.net/error/index.php

PS sorry this site has gone so dull lately. Trust me, it's nowhere nearly as dull as I am.

PPS BTW here is a blog by someone who is trying to play homeless Sims who live a cashless life in a park...

9 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Crikey Gleds you 'do' a lot on your phone, I wouldn't know where to start!

Baino said...

I remember having SIM City on our PC years ago. It was a 'safe' game for kids to play. Sounds like it's got saucy, a bit like Second Life . . .I spend too much time in front of this thing as it is! Do you know of a free online French tutorial? I'd better get crackin on my parle vous Francais!

Gledwood said...

Akelmalu: I always try and kill 2 birds with 1 stone when I can!

Baino: I don't know of any specific ones in French, but if you go to youtube and type those words in I'm sure you'd get endless endless free tutorials... my top tip would be go for the BBC TV stuff ~ that's some of the best...

Gledwood said...

Here's the link for BBC languages. They "only" do French, German, Spanish Italian and Chinese as far as I know, but for people not at gloriously advanced stages, they're definitely the best free stuff I've ever come across:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/french/tv/

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood