HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!
Showing posts with label winter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label winter. Show all posts

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Better Already


I REALIZED while rushing to the chemist that I feel WAY BETTER than I have in days. Not so paranoid. More to the point, not so depressed.

I'm only 28 pages from the end of my French novel. That and 6 Feet Under, an everyday tale of folks living above a funeral home, have been soundtracks to my life.

No I don't think 6 Feet Under has depressed me. It's the best TV series I've ever seen. I like Billy the bipolar brother who keeps coming off my meds. People who do that are shockingly irresponsible and should be institutionalized!

I hope you like the furry chinchilla picture? I really would love a chinchilla or three (as long as they had huge wheels to ramble upon). They need a special "marble" which is a stone chopping board you slam in the freezer to be lovely and cold in summer. As dwellers of the high Andes, chinchillas find summer captivity unbearable ~ sometimes to the point of death.



I can't really keep a chinchilla. The nearest tiny equivalent is the Russian or Djungarian hamster also known as a "winter white" because its winter fur tones with the snow. They also have thick luxuriant fur, with fur on the soles of their feet; they also take dust baths and like chinchillas probably do need a "marble". Mine looked close to death one summer's day (thanks guidebook for giving no warning of this). They perked up immeasurably rambling on a tray of ice-cubes. Before y'all call me an animal-torturer, remember these are Siberian hamsters. And if they didn't want to be on the ice, they'd have walked off it.

Anyway I have to go have a charming weekend everybody.

PS has anyone else seen Made In Chelsea? Docusoap. One character is heir to the McVite's biscuit empire. I like the blonde girl with the kind eyes. I don't know her name yet. She went on the fishing trip where the other girl put a live maggot on her tongue. That's a true sign of class ~ not being afraid of dung and wiggly things. If you don't believe me, observe the reactions of lower class people around dirt. They act like they're too perfect to get dirty. True upper class people never do. I met the upper classes at university. They're OK.
I try to be classless (which makes me middle-class). How about you...?


Illustrated: chinchilla in ball with cat looking on; winter white hamsters in summer; winter white hamsters in winter...

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Winter is here!


IT'S RAINING. IT IS MISERABLE. I am miserable.

So I went to Morrisons and bought cheapest brown bread, tomato soup, ground black pepper (to go on the ridiculously over-salty Value Soup), kippers, tea etc etc.

Winter hibernation here we come!

Also my goblin cure should hopefully be with me tomorrow, or the next day at latest. Then I'll have the luxury of home broadband back. Hurrah!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Hammy in winter ...


YEP, winter is upon us. Creeping up, closing in. Darkness surrounds us. It's in the air. The aroma of bonfires, the stench of death.
Autumn is my favourite time of year, being the time golden hamsters are at their tubbiest, hamstering away a gargantuan hoard of goodies to last all winter through.
As the days grow shorter and colder, so the wild hammy gradually gets more and more lethargic. Eventually he realizes the time has come for the Big Sleep. Carefully he barricades himself in, blocking all burrow entrances in case a naughty poisonous snake slithers down the tunnels while the tiny tubby is "torpid". (Hamsters don't technically hibernate.)
Then little hammy goes into a deep sleep, breathing only a few times a minute, as his body temperature falls. Every 4-8 days he wakes up for long enough to bumble out of bed into his bathroom (hammies never wee in their bed, if you've ever kept one has a pet you'll remember they usually use the furthest corner opposite for wee-wees). Anyway he does a wee, then his tubby bum vanishes down dank and mysterious pitch black tunnels deep into the lower depths of his burrow. He returns football-faced, pouches packed to their furthest extreme with a face-full of goodies upon which he nibbles till sleep overtakes him yet again.
When the burrow warms up, hammy re-excavates the burrow entrance and ta-daa! A bright springtime world full of daffodils and bumblebees, warm breezes whispering through the leafy trees. Harvest mice and dormice and woodmice are all scurrying in the bushes. Hurrah! says hammy, fresh seeds! And off he pings into the sparkling sunshine.

EVA CASSIDY: AUTUMN LEAVES

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Freezing Cold



IT IS FREEZING COLD...



I slept like a log.



Still depressed.



House in a mess.



Wanna get out of here:

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Brrr IV


Here's a fieldmouse taking a drink from an icicle in a garden in Fosters Booth, Northamptonshire:



As featured in today's Metro London newspaper ...


"Bling" vids:

1. Hope Diamond put on display "naked"



2. HM the Queen talking about the Imperial State Crown (the one I'd nick if I robbed the crown jewels) ... this is quite something



Whose diamond is this? (Shown very nicely here: most diamond photographs (I think) transfer very little of the stones' brilliance to the printed page...)
What's it called? What's the cut? How many carats?




My Original Bling Quiz is STILL OPEN! so come on ANSWERS PLEASE!!

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Snowing in London ...


YES IT'S SNOWING HERE... again...



... far as I know, it went on snowing all night and this morning we were in winter wonderland ...



Hammy couldn't resist burrowing out a little nest INSIDE the snowman...



This is apparently a natural 12-sided snowflake..!
(Do you believe it?)



O yeah and Casey Johnson (seen here centre) , crank-calling would-be reality star (turned down The Simple Life with Paris Hilton and that Nicole Richie psycho got it instead) lesbian heiress (to the Johnson & Johnson pharmaceuticals fortune) died of an accidental DRUG OVERDOSE ...

Vanity Fair obiturary ...
Original 2006 Vanity Fair interview, in which she revleals her nasty character ...



As old King Solomon said: there is nothing new under the sun!



MY bling quiz is still open. Roll up! Roll up! Answers please!

Monday, January 04, 2010

Summer Brown ~ Winter White


LOVE THE CONTRAST!

ARCTIC HARE:





WINTER WHITE SIBERIAN HAMSTERS:
(As I said, I used to have one of these, only mine merely went a lighter grey...)





STOAT/ERMINE





Brrr! Is it as cold by you as it is here? Probably a lot colder in many cases.
They say London has more snow on the way (the last lot melted a week ago.)
Wrap up warm everyone (unless you're in the southern hemisphere!)
And don't wear real fur..!


PS I saw my neighbour's bisson frise Cloud Doggie going for walkies in a winter jacket yesterday: how cute!

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Winter White Fur

NOW IS THE TIME FOR PURE WHITE FUR...

MIDWINTER...

I used to have a winter white Siberian hamster... only mine went grey in November, not white!



Stoats go white in winter; the white coat is usually known as ermine...



Isn't this a cute picture:



Arctic rabbits:




See also 2010: STOP THE FUR TRADE (yesterday) ~~

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Damp


UP TO SOME TIME LAST NIGHT, it had been raining constantly for two to three days. Before that, it was frozen, the streets were like ice rinks.
It is still damp damp damp, chilly, and profoundly miserable...
When will this weather fiasco stop?


I don't know whether this is a blue crown conure... but I can't help but wonder how long this bird might LAST in such circumstances...?!?



Ashley the Fuzzy Donkey at the Donkey Sanctuary

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Boxing Day 2009: Snow Donkies and Cloud Dogs

FURRY FRIDAY ON SATURDAY!
ALL SNOW AND ICE is gone: London looks normal again.

Pictures: Lovely Dalston, North London Line train Hackney (previously called "the free line" due to utter lack of ticket checks), Chelsea mansion blocks. I wanna live in an apartment like that one day...

And here's some...

CLOUD DOGS
Are apparently called Bichon Frises (never knew that before!)
I really want a huge Wolfhound type dog and one of these:




SNOW DONKEYS
A tribute montage to TrotterDonkies in inclement weather everywhere...



GOATS, DONKEYS, HORSES IN FRESH SNOW
A video tribute to Billygoats and Hooved Trotters on snowy farms everywhere...



TITANIC theme music
MY HEART WILL GO ON
... I wasn't too impressed by Celine's vocal yesterday... this is the only Celine song I REALLY like... those Scottish pan pipes... and what a film! All the press it got during shooting made it sound like a flop in the making and didn't it gross $1.6 BILLION..??!? Wow!



... Look at this cute fuzzy donkey burying its nose...



... and... last but not least, a baby cloud dog
(a bichon frise puppy)
how cute!



Hope y'all had a good one... if your Xmas wasn't merry, then I hope at least it was tolerable... Take care and a happy 2010!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Xmas Eve 2009

It rained here in London last night.



The streets are more like ice rinks than ever before. I have to walk on the highway to avoid skating everywhere...
(Isn't New York wonderful..!)



Huge Xmas rush in the shops...



Steady on now, people. Where's this "Christmas Spirit" y'll go on about...?!?



I'm off to get a small fishtank full of methadone as we speak...



Don't the Trotter Donkeys look beautiful in the snow!


A snowy donkey in summertime!



Wishing you all the very best of luck with families, cooking, logistics, wine, celebrations... etc... tomorrow!



Have a cracker of a day!!



Absolute cracker number one Xmas song:
The Pogues + Kirsty McColl
FAIRYTALE OF NEW YORK



LEONA LEWIS BETTER IN TIME JASON NEVINS REMIX
What a voice this girl has! I think this is her best song/mix so far:



HAPPY
This is Leona's latest release. I wonder if the person who wrote the tune was English..? It sounds really English to me...



Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Brrr III


THERE'S SLUSH EVERYWHERE



Pavements are still slippery.
(This picture may come from New York.... ahem!)



The Trotter Donkies dream of long days in summer meadows...



Hey I thought MY name was Trotter Donkey!



I say, Mummy! Can you hear the chipmunk squeaking at us!?!



Hey we were called Trotter Donkies before you. And we've been in a donkey derby!




Talking of snowy donkies...



... don't freeze yer ass off!



Wah wah waaah!!

OH FATHER ~ a lovely wintry video from Madonna:

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood