HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Where's Our Dinner?

MY POOR ROBOS. I've done a practical joke on them and cruelly hidden their food inside a toilet tube taped upright to the back of the tank, dump-bin stylee. In order to access this, they must first climb atop their lightbulb box, where they usually sleep, and, climbing through two further tubes, affixed higher to the back mirror (higher than they can access without said rooftop climb) they eventually come, obstacle course-style to the top of said giant dump-bin of birdseed.

I've seen Bashful doing this already, all shaggy-furred and popping in and out of said obtstacular tubings. She looks ever so funny.

Now I've cleared the floor of ALL tasties, including chicken bones, chicken jelly (from the two-pound roast one I bought the other day)... red peppers and cheese bread bits... old French fries ... and all manner of tasty treats. Everything's balancing by sheer grace of willpower and gravity up high above their heads. And so far, all they've done is wander around looking faintly confused about the entire matter!

What set me off on all that climbing lark was my installation of a broccoli tree with elephant-protector-style toilet tubing round the base trunk. Spherical crouched into this and was next seen perching upon the treetop's canopy looking ever so tubby and round. Then she got bored and simply sprang down (a good 25ft drop in human terms). Went for a wee. Then took to thundering onwards upon her wheel.

Well as you can see there's little other news from my end. Surely this can only be a good thing...?

Oh, we're getting new locks installed early next week... isn't THAT a change from the old landlord, where it was a luxury to have any locking doors at all!

Hope you're having a pleasant weekend, everyone!

Cheerio!!

XX

23 comments:

d. chedwick said...

your weekend looks as exciting as mine!

Daisy said...

Neat-o! I think adding challenges like the food puzzle is a great way to add fun and interest for the hammies.

Anonymous said...

Your weekend is sounding pleasant Gledwood :) Apart from "a practical joke on them and cruelly hidden" food from your hamsters! Hhehhehhee The last house I lived in didn't have locks for ten years but wasn't broken into for that long either. It's good to hear your Landlord this time might not be from the bottom depths of hell
};-}

Baino said...

After last weekend, I'd have thought you'd be grateful for the peace and quiet. Poor little furballs . .I hope they find the birdseed more easily than you did! No locks on your doors? Don't you live in central London? Mind, I don't lock anything . . .one of the joys of living on acres, nobody can be bothered breaking in! Cheers :)

Bimbimbie said...

Now that's just plain mean lol poor little furballs. Serves you right if Spherical kept you awake all night on that wheel of hers he he *!*

btw ... broadband here is known as narrowband because the speeds are a joke *!*

Are you happy about your new Mayor?

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Glad your weekend was a peaceful one after the last one. And I hope the hammies get their food OK
and don't starve on you. Glad about the new locks, that's great. It must feel like home by now.
Thanks for your visit and comments.
I agree we have the choice of our attitudes. It is very sad that you left off your homespun wisdom to go
to the drugs. Take great care, Love,
Merle.

Akelamalu said...

New locks? You're going up in the world Gleds! :)

Albrecht von Krappa said...

Don't lose der leitfäden keys or das doors mit lockenheimers will nicht let you out meine kleine hamster.

Vi said...

aahhhh, boor little robos! lol

You'll be happy to hear I bought two chinese dwarf hamsters today for my boys! (Roger and Theodore)

Velvet Ginger (Rubye Jean) said...

I hope those little Robos find their food! Poor little things!

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds I hope you are well settled in to your new place,Your playing tricks on the little hammies, I hope they can manage to find there food..Take care Gleds,, Jan

Deb said...

I visited with my brothers cats yesterday and they provided entertainment as well.

"Mama" cat is really something...she LOVES attention and fetches things like a dog. If no one's paying attention to her (heaven forbid!), she will go pick up her little bottle top (her favorite toy) and drop it into a sour cream container. Like her own game of kitty basketball or something. Her son ("Taz") is a big klutz and not very catlike at all...he actually falls off windowsills and is scared of everything. They're very different cats!

Eileen said...

Been gone for 10 days and you have a new home! Will have to spend some time reading up on the goings ons...hope all is well ;)

Patti said...

So in other words I need to construct them a wee little sign saying "Will Word For Food" LOL I bet they are an entertaining sight!

Yay for locks on the door!

Liz said...

Gleds, I haven't been able to do much visiting of late but I'm so pleased to hear that you're safely moved in to your new abode, that it has locks!, and that your robos are also happy in their new home. Albeit slightly confused by your new food set-up!

Fancy the call-answerers not believing you! You should have sent them to your blog where they could have read your stories. Cheek.

You're sounding happier too.

Oh, and how was the Chinese curry?

sally in norfolk said...

Home from my holidays ..glad your move went ok and hope your soon well settled x

Whitenoise said...

Hey Gled, hope all is well.

TOM said...

I love the pictures you get of those guys!!

Bimbimbie said...

Is you ok Gleds ... been a couple of days since your last post, hope you aren't ailing *!*

lettuce said...

what?!!!

they are carnivorous?!!!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood