HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Bird-Brained Birdseed (for the Hammies)...

THIS HAS TO BE AN ULTRA-QUICK POSTING as my computer's letting me down bigtime... taking half an hour just to mess about doing basically nothing. Loading entire pages bit by bit as if my London time clock's the crown jewels. I don't care if there's errors on the page. Just load the bloody thing a bit faster!

And no! Before I forget, I was not telling "buggery" to any of yous lot yesterday. Rather to Vanessa Feltz's jaded, disbelieving and psychologically slow phone-answering team at the radio station...

At last! Big news of the day!! I've bought my tubby trotters some birdseed before they start losing weight and not living up to their shaggily furry nicknames...

And that's about all I've got to say. I'd better go now before I cause the computer so much crosswired complexiosity (e.g. by sending off this post, pressing return AND looking for a picture with which to illustrate it)... it might well blow a gasket and start smoking...

Sorry I've not been in touch with ANYONE lately. Nothing personal. The flamin' computer won't let me!!

In compensation have a look at this:~


The following took America by storm, but isn't so well known over the rest of the world... so have a look:~

Here's American academic Randy Rausch presented by Diane Sawyer, the same lady who did my Whitney Houston/Bobby Brown interview last year... !!

This really was the guy's "last lecture" ~ diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer he had a very short time to live...

ps: in case you're interested, those roborovski-finches illustrated are Britain's prettiest garden bird, the embarrassingly-named blue tit, an upside down-flitting acrobat at the wintertime feeder who has lifted the heart of tea-drinkers acoss the nation for many a generation with his flitteryfluttery entertaining anticks...

pps: hey I just bought a whole roast (and still warm) chicken for £2! They'd sold out before so the Spanish lady at the industrial chickenery said "40 minutes!". I duly came back in 45 mins precisely to find nearly ALL the new batch gone, a queue in progress ~ and was lucky to get just one!!

ppps: roborovski rowing boat. yeah, I ate an avocado the other night and left the scooped out half-skin in with my trotters to nibble on. they took to jumping inside, nibbling it, then washing in it... (it does look just like a robo-rowing boat!!)


Akelamalu said...

Good to hear you got the hammy food. You need to find a new internet cafe. :)

Gledwood said...


M- Filer said...

Sounds f r u s t r a t i n g !!!!!

Patti said...

Oh slow internet drives my batty. My Dad refuses to get rid of his antiquated dial-up and I hate when he needs me to get online at his house.

Blue tit made me giggle!

TOM said...

I hate slow computers!! Drives me nuts...Seen the Last Lecture, seems he's been giving it to everyone from 60 minutes to Oprah....Hope you can get those Hammies Beefed Up

Gledwood said...

MFiler: v e r y v e r y f r u s t r a t i n g ! ! !

Patti: Yes I am fully with you on the dial-up... I suspect this is a dial-up cafe, what vulgarity! Only suddenly it's working quickly and properly. Just like the fault on your car when you take it to the garage, suddenly it becomes inexplicably and irritatingly "intermittent" ... when nobody's there to help it's back to full-on inconvenience!

I know what a name for the nation's prettiest bird (some would disagree and say the slightly larger, more garish GREAT TIT (yes, a true name!) is prettier... but I prefer 'em "blue"..!

Tom: what you mean beefed up? fed up? they eat SO MUCH FOOD compared to their size and Pingpong the Chinese hammy eats about 1/10 as much as my robos. I've stashed their food inside toilet tubes taped upright to the glass in a squirrel acrobatics style "have to go climbing for it" roborovskithon. No this is not teasing them. No they will not starve to death. Curiosity will get the better of them far far FAR before that ever could be an issue.

E.g. yesterday I put a broccoli "tree" inside a taped-on upright toilet tube with a tiny gap at bottom... next thing I see Spherical climbinb said tree like a naughty child and sitting on the canopy. She looked so entertaining and only jumped down when Bashful and Itchy appeared to be having too much fun pinging on the wheel without her {;->...

Anonymous said...

Interesting Speech of a Lifetime! Britain's Blue Tits are beautiful - does that have something to do with royalty? Hhehheee. Great to hear your whole household has eaten well ;)

Nicole said...

I love avocado. Sometimes I make a spread with it for toast or sandwiches. I take a soft, ripe avocado, scoop it out and mash it up with a fork and some lime or lemon juice, pinch of salt, cracked pepper and chilli powder. If I have fresh chilli, I chop that up instead and a little bit of garlic and usually some coriander. It's delicious and very easy to make.

Deb said...

Hang in there gled.

I, too, have been absent for a time...just really busy and have some stressful stuff going on. I don't like being negative all the time so have opted to take a break for a bit.

But I missed you.


Bimbimbie said...

Great news your robos get to eat their fav food ... sounds like you have been experiencing Aussie speeds at your internet cafe. The blue tit birdies probably have something to do with the cold weather over there, that or the "namer" of that family froze his off observing them *!*

Hope you have a non frustrating weekend. Smiles *!*

tut-tut said...

Yes, I've missed seeing your quizzical little furry face on my comments!

Computers can be very infuriating, can't they?

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

You sound on fine form, Gleds!

Janice said...

Hi Gledwood,

The blue tit is a pretty bird and it looks a lot like our house sparrow except more colorful.

Too bad about your computer have you tried deleting your urls and run a scan? And you might want to optomize your disk space too. I run mine every other day, especially if my computer is slugish.


Gledwood said...

Anon: blue blood maybe DOES makes blue breasts for the Queen... who knows..?!? No wonder her Royal Doctor is paid so very much to keep stumm!!

Nicole: I'd never thought of chili with avocado. What a topping idea. (Or top topping idea/etc..)

Debs: I missed you too.

And I can barely send a message to anyone now. Not while this dreadfully slow computer situation continues I shall get cut off in the meantime. I cannot do it!!

Bimbimbie: hey I thought Australian speeds would be superior to ours... maybe that was just an old world/new world assumption...

our phones network DOES appear to be more hightech than America's and Canadas I must say... I know this because: just look at any picture of an American town what do you see? But telegraph poles, everywhere! These ceased being a feature of the British cityscape well over a decade ago! The phone cable is a good several inches diameter and buried in the ground... FAR too thick to string up tree to tree! So I take it our system's more up to date... (could well be wrong though as per usual haha!!)

Gledwood said...

TutTut: they are impossible. I've been NOWHERE for DAYS AND DAYS it's IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Welshcakes: I'm fine, computers not. Robos confused by food high above heads. (Lazy swines!!)

Janice: 2 answers:

1. Yeah blue tits are well pretty. Specially in a country where just about EVERY native bird seems to be BROWN.

2. Oh no I can't delete anything that's a CYBERCAFF computer I'm talking about and I've no idea what could be wrong... except that the entire netcaff's using DIAL-UP!!!

金太郎 said...

まさか家のエレベーターでフ ェ ラされるなんて思ってなかったよ。。ww
「ここでフ ェ ラさせてくれたらもっと報 酬あげるよ♪」

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood