OK. FINALLY IT HAS got to the all-time pits. I am so exhausted, I have so much had enough that all of yesterday and all today up to this point (and that is all I can truthfully of course say) I honestly have not only not "wanted" to use but for most of the time felt so physically repelled by heroin I want to be sick. No more do I ever ever EVER want to be sticking a needle in my left foot, right foot, anywhere else. Finally finally SOMEHOW (how-?? I don't know how I honestly don't) I have come to some sort of turning point. I know I have got there because, as with anything important in life you don't "need" anyone to point it out. You just know.
I'm ever so sorry not to have kept in touch. As I said before I don't want to wind people up or make anybody worry about or be sorry for me. I am just utterly exhausted, so bad I had to stop those antidepressants (they were only making it WORSE and actually, might I say CAUSING most if not all of those weird "alcohol"-related effects I tried to describe...) literally last Monday I was hanging onto the walls so as not to fall. I have had had had had had HAD HAD HAD HAD ENOUGH
ps re the drink i don't want to give wrong impressions. those pills really made things a whole lot worse yet still there remains some residual thing, not exhaustion but something that comes with it (when really bad) they call "brain fog". only drink seems to clear this
pps the hamsters are all alive and fine! i barely have seen them as they've all been in a cupboard (not cruelty: they ARE nocturnal burrowing animals so giving them the peace and dark they like can hardly be called cruel even if it is in a way shutting them out) I have to remember constantly to make sure their water supply does not get in any way messed up (so many silly ways this can happen including the bottle just fuzzing up from exceptionally "hard" London water and just breaking) everything's ok in that respect
Releasing the inner blinger in me - I have only just - and belatedly - realised that having grandchildren gives me a good excuse to release my inner blinger. So ... we took a trip to Homebase...
1 hour ago