OK LET ME TRY TELLING MY STORY FOR A THIRD TIME! (Two previous attempts and technology has failed me...)
Right. First let me apologize for having been out of touch. I'm sorry I did not meant to worry y'all with being away but I've been unwell and managed to do several days last week with NO drinking, which is something I believed I'd lost the power over for good...
My drinking was spiralling out of control. I was drinking 6, 7 cans a day. These are half-litre cans of 7.5% ABV white cyder so you can tot up the units yourself, if you care to do so. Basically on a single day I was exceeding my supposed limit for an entire week!
Another factor: new dealer; double or even treble strength gear. Sod's law that I'll be at my friend's house and get the vein first time. All I remember was standing facing her and fading fast... next thing I knew was a confounding haze of gauwching out on a wall with people walking past this way and that totally oblivious of me. Next thing I know I'm in possession of a "frozen" pizza, only it's long ago thawed and I can't even remember buying it!
A warning on the drug service wall describes my new gear to a t: right down to its distinctive orangey colour. Apparently all over London people have been overdosing on this stuff and chemicals in the gear stop the usual reversal drugs from having any effect so people have been dying on this.
Looking back: or rather peering rather sheepishly through a thick mist all I can see is that vast chunks of last week are missing and I can't remember spending the money that's gone. All I've paid for is some very expensive amnesia!
Whenever not on gear I've been depressed out of my mind and sweaty, diarrhoeary, lying in bed having nightmares about giant ecstasy parties full of beautiful people then I'm stranded 100 miles outside London with no money, no methadone and knowing I have to get to my chemist quick!
Methadone is supposed to keep its users "normal" but all I ever seem to feel on it is weary and listless and totally flat. On heroin I'm depressed, but on methadone I'm depressed out of my tiny little mind!
I'm sorry not to have been in touch for so long, but I'm touched that people worried for me. I did not mean to cause such great concern. I suppose you were right to be worried in a way because I wasn't that all right but I'm OK now. Little better than OK but getting there! I just wish I could get inside my own comments to answer them now!
OK take care my friends and I'm sorry again for stressing y'all... I really wanted to write at the weekend but had no internet connexion and this present one isn't that impressive... I'm surviving. I can make it. I HAVE NO CHOICE.
Twelve Months - I can't believe it's almost 12 months since I posted anything on my blog! I confess I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook - I know you think I'm a t...
1 hour ago