ACTUALLY I despair most of all of any medical professional (with few exceptions) ever listening to me..!I feel ill all the time. I am exhausted. I am not sleeping properly. The psychiatric nurse I've been seeing an hour a week says I'm depressed.
I feel bloody terrible. And desperate. Especially after what has happened to me when I've tried antidepressants in the past ~ namely three different eventualities:
1. side-effects but no antidepression
2. (ONCE ~ in about 7 or 8 different drugs) ~ the proper antidepressant effect works and I feel much better
or ~ most usually
3. severe psychiatric side-effects kick in, including agitation and insomnia. I cannot keep still and annoy everyone. I become euphoric and a bit "manic", as if I'm turning from a depressive into a manic-depressive... ~ and last time I went crashing down worse than I'd ever been depressed to start with. I was having hallucinations ~ which I thought were alcoholic DTs. I was physically shaky and people thought I was drunk (but I wasn't). I didn't even realize the pills were doing this, but put it in terms of a moral and spiritual crisis, the "rock bottom" all junkies have to hit before they can clean up. I was so low I didn't even want to take heroin any more, and trust me, I have to be very low indeed to feel that way...
I saw my smiley Nigerian Dr Chumbawumba this morning to tell her all this and that the council have demanded a letter explaining how/why/whatever I got into such a mess. She is the one who, when told I was a chronic heroin addict simply said to me "why don't you just stop taking that stuff"? Dur. Today she declared my antidepressant dramas are only a normal experience when you take such pills. She said tell the nurse and psychiatrist at your druggieservice to write it for you. So that is what I'll do. I have very low hopes of all this getting sorted. Why won't she just parrot the nurse's "to whom it may concern" letter I gave to her? That's all they're asking. Ho-hum.At least the paperwork the council asked for is all in place and ready to be delivered at my next appointment.
Apart from that, though, I really don't know what to do. I feel I'm barely coping at all.
TALKING ABOUT that Mystery of the Universe known as Happiness, hava peruse of Ms Hen's post today on the subject... now here's a woman who understands the keys to Reality. I dare you to click on my Deer Hunter Music (Saturday) and read her blog with that playing beautifully in the background...
7 comments:
Gledds,
I am sorry things are such a mess and you are so low.
I am taking acupuncture treatments, and they are definitely helping with the depression. Maybe they are worth a try for you. They can also help with drug/alcohol addiction.
Love you much,
SB
I might give that a whirl. They always have given free acupuncture to "stimulant users" at my local druggiecentre (ie crackheads)... and I've had complementary ear acupuncture a few times... I might give it another bash. 1st time I had it I felt something off of ear acupuncture... 2nd, 3rd, 4th and onwards and onwards times I didn't ... what on earth am I doing wrong....?!?
I hope that there will be a solution for you Gleds. There are some antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs that may not have the side effects that you mention. Maybe a different doc is in order or perhaps a psychiatrist.
Al-Anon is for families and friends of alcoholics. We have been affected by their alcoholism.
My heart goes out to you, Gledwood. Been there, still doing that. Not much I can say other than you're not alone. Medication blows, no medication blows. It all just sucks.
Your doctor doesn't sound very sympathetic at all. I hope you get it all sorted out Gleds and feel better soon. x
Syd: I'm going to try and do it without the meds, but WOULD like it on my notes that I disagree with them, in case I ever really need them in future and aren't in a position to explain all this at great length. Doctors really are stupid sometimes...
Laura: They threatened me with LITHIUM once. No way am I taking a toxic metal like that. Lithium is what powers long-distance batteries. I don't want it in my brainbox too! So I'm just going to have to try it without any medication at all.
With all these side-effects, I think my body might have been trying to tell me something...
Akelamalu: I'm changing GPs. My one hasn't the faintest comprehension of (or at least any appreciable empathy for) ANY conditions of a psychological nature, which is pretty gobsmacking incompetence in my book... having said that she's excellent with anything physical, like an abscess, or junkies' fungal skin infection... so there you go :-<...
Psychiatric help is essential in this case. Acupuncture treatments and yoga practices are said to be good treatments to control depression and addiction disorder. But I always believe that drug treatment programs can always help to lead a normal life back.
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