HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Hamster Ice Cream Threat

RIGHT. FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT I have posted up a roborovski nibbling on an "ice cream"... I am desperate to find some wild bird seed for them. Otherwise it will be Cornettos from the corner shop in sheer robo-desperation... I am "listening again" to Vanessa on BBC London radio doing a housemouse phone in and growing more offended by the second that not only did the call answerers assume someone calling himself "Gledwood" must be mentally ill, but that my TRUE STORY about Itchy escaping for 2 days (longer term readers will remember this)... in a room overrun by wild sewer mice... only to be picked up the two days later CAVORTING UNDER MY CUPBOARD WITH THE WILD MICE!!! I could not believe it. And neither, so it seems does Vanessa Feltz's crew so b*****y to you. (If you're American and wondering what the infilled letters might be, they are "ugger" and the complete word means "sodomization" in British English (it does not mean zooophilia, as some schoolkids seem to believe...)

The local internet caff at my new place is so hopelessly slow it is pretty much unuseable. You cannot even have radio streaming through headphones as you blog, now THAT is pathetic.

O yeah and I caught squirtingly rampant diarrhoea from ... from what? Not my cooking. I've only done a bowl of pasta. Do you think the local Chinese is infested with rats?...

Righty I have to go otherwise my poor hammies might have consumed the entire Mr Kiplings fruit pie crusts I've had no option but to feed them with... Yo! Bird seeders! Where are you! C'mon show yourselves. Or it really is ice cream time for the hammies....


Daisy said...

That hamster ice cream looks delicious! Do they have regular supermarkets where you live? Here, there are grocery stores, supermarkets, and "one stop shopping" places like Target everywhere, and they all have a "Pet" section with hamster foods. But I think where you live is a lot different.

Patti said...

Is it REALLY ice cream???
Um i'm guessing you got the diarrhea from the chinese takeaway. I find that happening from time to time. Must be the MSG.
Pish Posh on that silly woman and her show.

sofia said...

are you sure they only eat that bird seeds?
they cannot eat something less hard to find?
forgive me if i look ignorant, but i only have a cat, and it eats almost everything...
hamsters, i have no clue!!!
;)good luck for your search!!!

Bimbimbie said...

Important things first ... did you find wild bird seed for your robos?

Better stay away from that Chinese t-away

Who Vanessa wotsername? ;)

Anonymous said...

It takes time to find the right food stuffs in a new environment, hope the Hamsters are stuffed with bird seed by now. Right ... no more from THAT Chinese Take-away! Change the Station channel too ... ;)

Nicole said...

Gled, most people lead utterly boring lives and can hardly believe anything but the norm happens. These people usually eat the same thing for dinner most evenings, read the paper at the same time every morning and go to bed at the same time each night. Since when have you worried what other people think anyway? You probably don't remember this, but my friend Suzanne in Amsterdam has a cat called Sneezer. He was away for a whole MONTH and a half once and returned almost unable to walk, looking like a sewer had finally spat him out again. Everyone thought he had died, but he too returned just like your hamster.

Nicole said...

I just realised the title is "THREAT" not "TREAT", when I first read it, I thought it said Ice cream treat!

Velvet Ginger (Rubye Jean) said...

Cute picture! I hope you find birdseeds for you 3 pink noses.

Akelamalu said...

I hope you found some birdseed! Most likely cause of the squits is the chinese takeway!

Gledwood said...

Daisy: yeah there's a HUGE one round the corner but it ONLY DOES DOG AND CAT FOOD! Seemingly NOBODY keeps parrots, budgies or even the humble hammy round by here. Just Staffordshire Bull Terrorizers. And alley cats. Hmmm. I had to go back to my OLD manor to buy some intellectual hammy food. Seriously!!!

Patti: no! that's some kind of human candy stuff that hamsters shouldn't really be eating anyhow... I believe I've seen it in newsagents'... do you really think MSG gives the dire rear? I LURVE MSG... makes life Chinese food worth the nibbling and life worth living in my opioion!!!

Sofia: actually I say I bought birdseed and it DID come in the same sized and shaped packet. It was actually hamster~gerbil~mouse-food specially small for roborovski-sized little mouths and pouches. Poor little swines! They cannot manage rat food it's too chunky for them to do anything but nibble rather reservedly and frustratingly not be able to pouch most of...!!!

Bimbimbie: Vanessa Feltz? Used to have daily talkshow... don't remember why but it very suddenly and publickly fell through and suddenly she was pulled from the air, which is unusual for Britain (unlike America where it seems to happen all the time...!!???!?!?!?)... yeah now she's on radio 9am-midday Mon-Sat a v fast quickwitted talkshow obviously far TOO quickwitted for the likes of me even though I DID phone in the SECOND she mentioned the topic of mice... phoned in AGAIN ... and emailed... well they can go to hell I'm not bothering again

Gledwood said...

Anon: done all that!

Nicole: o yeah i don't really care. was just offended to be judged like that. bearing in mind i rang THE VERY SECOND the topic was announced, ie 10 mins BEFORE the 3 hour show began and still they weren't interested. i wish they'd just be straight4ward and say "we don't find that story plausible" instead of messing me about. there's only 2 hosts on that station i bother to fone now. both are late night when things are far less uptight

Velvet: the pink noses are snaffling budgieseed as we speak!!!

Akelamalu: i suspect it's Chinese takeaway too... it's gorgeously tacky but a bit oversalted and tacky even for ME which means that by ordinary culinary standards it must be execrable!!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

The pic is so cute!

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood