HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

All Together Now

IT'S ALL OVER BY THE SHOUTING as my friend Janice said. (She wanted Hillary too.) O what a shame but hey 4 more years and the economy will be even more ****'d (as will Britain's I make no claim to superiority here) THEN they might draught in Hillary to sort it out. Not that she'd be any good. I just think her best qualified to sort out America's insoluble problems... Hey it will be fun having a mixed race president though.

Akelamalu implied I was on shaky ground yesterday. Who was I insulting? I was only saying I like my adopted hometown more than the hometown I WOULD have adopted had I had a chance. It goes back to early childhood Saturday evenings as the homeward train pulled out of Kings Cross station I'd glance wistfully every time at the tennament blocks of the back of York Way (irony of ironies not realizing that was the centre of London's heroin trade!) and telling myself one day I would live in London and never have to bid the great metropolis goodbye...

Only 11 weeks till the Greatest Nation on earth kicks out its most pathetic president in history. 1 question: why oh why must it be so very long..??

The Farm ~ All Together Now

Binary Finary 1998
1998 was the Year of the Mitsubishi. O wow this gave me a big EEEEEEEE rush. Makes me want to wave my hands in the air etc etc


Zen Wizard said...


Obama's election made interest rates go down, so I have more job security (for the rest of the week...)

Does anyone have any earthly idea what this guy is going to do?

I liked his healthcare plan better than McCain's (however they both sucked.)

"The rich" make an easy target, but if you start over-taxing the rich you shut off the trickle down benefit their wealth has--like tipping bellmen and waiters or whatever. Or buying expensive stuff on Rodeo Drive and luxury cars like Jaguars and $H!T.

So "raising taxes on just people who make over $200k" might SOUND good, but beware the Doctrine of Unintended Consequences.

As a resident of Atlanta since 1992, I know how faulted this "Look at us! We elected a black guy!"-mentality can be:

Good black guy= Mayor Andrew Young.

Not-so-good-recently-paroled black guy= Mayor Bill Campbell.

I am not saying Obama will necessarily be a disaster, but that job is too important for a "wild card"--which is pretty much what he is. He spent less than three years in the Senate.

In the Illinois State Senate, his first elected position, he got everyone else kicked off the ballot for registration technicalities, and ran unopposed. (Hey I didn't believe it either look it up...)

His "historic" vote on Iraq was the right vote for the wrong reasons--i.e., everyone else freaked out about Israel because of WMD from bad intelligence.

What I am saying is, it is not like Obama hired the Pinkertons or Wackenhut or some private security firm and got his OWN intelligence and then voted. He subjectively perceived Israel was in danger, and then stated that he did not give a crap by voting against the war--then he got lucky because the intelligence happened to be faulted.

Well, after January 20th, he's my commander-in-chief so all I can do is salute him and hope for the best, I guess.

(I am so glad my Republican congressman got re-elected and it looks like Saxby Chambliss the senator got reelected. I am not a die hard Republican but there needs to be a check-and-balance.)

Baino said...

Wow this is a bit of a departure from Chinese Curry and Roborovskis! Ah inexperience doesn't matter THAT much he'll learn! Can't be worse than the last guy!

Gattina said...

Thanks for these two hilarious posts (at least for me) I was so happy to read something what made me laugh with my morning coffee ! And honnestly I agree to what you wrote !
From the both candidates Obama was the best ! that's quite easy to say because there was no choice !
I prefer London by far ! New York is nice for a visit but not for living. When my son was living in London for 10 years I came over so often !!

Zen Wizard said...

Interesting British metaphor--everyone is saying that the Republicans will rebound in 2010 (at least in Congress) because the Democrats have no one to blame if they don't deliver on all the stuff they promised.

I.e., the Dems have Presidency, House, and Senate (and probably two Supreme Court picks.)

Citizens have this obnoxious habit of ACTUALLY REMEMBERING ALL THE CRAZY $H!T YOU PROMISED to get their vote. Everything that doesn't come through can't be sloughed onto, "But the president wouldn't let us do it," or, "But the Senate dragged its feet..."

But it is my understanding that when Tony Blair kicked the Tories asses circa 1997, they just started squabbling amonst themselves and they have never recovered. (At least that is my understanding in broad strokes.)

Maybe that is a bad metaphor because Great Britain does not have as strict of a two party system as the USA.

Bimbimbie said...

Well I just hope he's got a better clue than the PM we ended up with when we decided to have a Cccchange ... it's not all about how you deliver a speech, your own or the ones drafted by underlings.

Calfkeeper said...

Ha. Funny how you seem to think that Hillary will be the ultimate Salvation for the US of A.

I think the ecomonic issues go much deeper than any president can cure, no matter race or gender.

Also. It's annoying that now that Obama is "in" the biggest news item over here is what kind of dog he will put in the White House with him. (in his words, he's going to pick a "mutt like me.") and what it will be named.

Another news item is that now that he's in the comedians are going to have a rough go because whatever they come up with will be labeled "racist" and he really isn't all that funny in the first place.


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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood