HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Horrific Life (and Death) of "Baby P"


THIS HAS BEEN an ongoing story for weeks since his mother, her live-in boyfriend and their lodger were convicted of killing (or allowing to be killed) this 2 year old. Due to arcane English law his identity is "protected" (even though he had no siblings and is dead), hence the legalistic monika "Baby P". There's been an outpouring of outrage (and not just in the media) at how on earth this was allowed to happen. When he died the little boy had been tortured for weeks and had injuries so bad they included a broken spine. The police were involved, social services were involved (but it was the London borough of Haringey, the nation's worst). The child's social worker failed to spot the extreme danger he was in and even his family doctor, who examined him 2 days before he finally died failed to spot his broken spine.

How on earth such an extreme string of bungling officialdom could have been allowed to practise and how, even after a joint murder conviction the family doctor has not been disciplined and bobody from Haringey Council has been sacked is simply beyond comprehension.

This case has shaken up the entire country. This very morning the Prime Minister was discussing the matter in Parliament.

You would think that a shocking case like this would provoke a shake-up of all the defective systems that failed this poor little boy. But remember: this is modern Britain ~ change for the better is not inevitable, so we'll just have to wait and see.

From the Sun newspaper: Baby P dressed as turn of the (20th) century street urchin. I'm going to have to go now this stuff is too upsetting.

9 comments:

Fire Byrd said...

Appearantly according to Channel 4 news the mother has recently had another baby, whilst inside, which has been taken into care.... may explain Baby P as a name.

Outrage is good but action is better, so hope all these investigations come up with more workable solutions then just always believing the child is better off with the birth parents despite the social workers reccomendations to the contary.

Reeny's Ramblin' said...

Indeed a sad, sad story. In the summer there was a little girl in Toronto that was given to a family friend (because her Mom was trying to recover from drug abuse) and her caregivers beat her over a prolonged period of time, eventually resulting in her death. Child services here were involved and had checked on the child over 60 times - makes you wonder how thouroughly they looked at the situation. Unfortunatley, our system is so overburdened that she fell between the cracks. There is absolutley NO EXCUSE for a society to not be there for a child in distress.

Baino said...

These animals are everywhere and social services don't have the resources to handle them. Did you hear the story about 5 New Zealanders convicted this week for putting a 3 year old in a tumble dryer and swinging her on a clothes hoist. One involved - her mother - the other - her mother's boyfriend and cousin. Sickening. We should be licensed to breed.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ These are such very sad stories and they happen everywhere. I do
wish the child protective services did
a better job. They have been nearly always been involved in the cases that lead to death. I don't know how they sleep at night. Try not to be too upset
as there is nothing to be gained by us being upset. Take care of yourself.
Very best wishes, Merle.

Akelamalu said...

How that woman has the nerve to call herself a mother I will never know. I sincerely hope the new baby is taken away from her and I hope both she and the bastard she lived with are tortured when they get inside. There is a text being forwarded revealing the names and address of the three people involved in the murder of baby P.

Bimbimbie said...

Some people aren't fit to breathe let alone breed :(

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Truly, all society's should be judged by how well we take care of the young and the elderly. So sad.

Gledwood said...

FIRE BYRD: I know I only found out THAT little "tid" bit yesterday...

AUNT R: strange this little child got checked about 60 times as well... for what good it did him...

BAINO: o my God I never heard that one that really is grotesque

MERLE: this one did get to me, I don't know exactly why. And why child protective services are so bad ~ no idea either!

Gledwood said...

AKELAMALU: and to think lots of poor mothers in prison go through hell as the babies "have" to be taken away after a few months yet that bitch just let the boyf kill hers....(why????)

BIMBIMBIE: THAT is true

LONEGREY: That's true as well... hey I was wondering what had happened to you only this very morning and here you are!

R2K: ;->...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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