HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Better Sight Without Glasses

I KNOW I REALLY OUGHT TO GET NEW SPECS and all... but I'm taking the opportunity of too-weak prescription lenses to try out Mr Bates' method as outlined in his tome (first published 1920) : Better Sight Without Glasses.

I had a friend from uni from years ago who had particularly bad vision purchased the special blacked out pinhole glasses as illustrated. As you may know, looking through a pinhole focuses light to the correct length so the short (or long) sighted can see without lenses of any kind. It's on this basis that pinhole cameras work. The idea is not to wear spod-spex all the time, but to use them gently to reset the eyes to where they're supposed to be...

Now the Wikipedia article rubbishes the Bates method about as much as is possible, (hijacked by opticians, I suspect) but I know from my friend's example that within months her presciption had shrunk back three "dioptres" towards normal.

So that, my friends, is what I'm going to try...

What's Up Doc: As Time Goes By
Wish I looked this good in glasses...


15 comments:

sally in norfolk said...

will be interesting to see how you get on with the glasses..... do let us know :-)

Fire Byrd said...

I loved this movie,it was really funny.
Will you be able to cook your chinese food wearing glasses like these?

Reeny's Ramblin' said...

Those glasses are weird looking, but I suppose having eyesight kinda trumps the strange nature of those specs.

Reeny's Ramblin' said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Megan said...

I look forward to the updates.

Anonymous said...

Be sure to tell us if it works! If you increase your blog's font size, I guess we will get the message :D

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Sorry your specs gave up on you. I do hope the pin point ones work
and will be interested to hear how you fare with them. Are they very expensive?
Thanks for your comment. Brisbane is a nice city, but the humudity is severe there. Thanks for your good wishes about my tests. Do hope you are able to look after yourself, and guess there won;t be any writing at present. I guess you know if you click Ctrl and the Plus sign it enlarges the fonts for you to read. Crtl and Minus reduces
the same way. Take good care, Very best Wishes, my friend, Merle.

Puss-in-Boots said...

I worked for an ophthalmologic practice until about six months ago and one of the tests for visual acuity was with pinhole and it usually improved the vision up a few lines.

As for using the pinhole glasses, I've heard of it but don't know anyone who has actually tried it. I do know that it doesn't work on anyone who has a degenerative disease like macular degeneration, glaucoma or cataracts.

Akelamalu said...

I've never heard of these glasses before and will be really interested to hear how you get on. I know from experience that the more you wear glasses the more you need them!

Kahshe Cottager said...

This sounds very interesting. I have never heard of these glasses before. Looking forward to hearing your results.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

And good luck to you, Gleds - do let us know!

Baino said...

Ah I've had 'new' glasses for 3 months and I hate them. They leave dings either side of my nose and they're blurry and horrible.(Graduated lenses) Going back to the optometrist tomorrow to have a whinge. I have never gone into the optometrist yet without having something prescribed . . makes you wonder whether it's all a big conspiracy . . .my eyesight has got worse since I've been wearing glasses (then I've got older) But sometimes,I think I'd be better off just sitting closer to the PC screen!

Bimbimbie said...

I'm short-sighted and wearing specs is a pain - I find I'm taking mine off more these days when shopping to read the labels and flip through books etc :(

Deb said...

I've noticed that my eyesight's deteriorating since getting a computer. A lot!

I bet you DO look good in glasses...distinguished. ;)

Anonymous said...

cheers, folks!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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