HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Ladybirds!

BIGGLY-BUGGLY FRIDAY ON SATURDAY

Sometimes known as ladybugs in the United States, though internationally biologists prefer the name "lady beetle" because these little critters obviously aren't birds and the term "bug" is considered vulgar...
Whatever you wanna call them, these tiny beetles from the family Coccinellidae are the cutest of all insects, passing through distinct stages in their tiny lives...


Some ladybirds are yellow...


Some are completely spotless...



A funky black-n-cream design... here snacking on some colour-co-ordinated aphids...


Ladybird passion...


Wow look at this. Adds new meaning to that expression "jiggy-wiggy"...


Ladybird lady with clutch of tiny eggs...


Ladybird larva in yellow with black dots...


Terrifying-looking black and red larva savaging aphid...


This is called the pupal stage, just before the larva turns into a ladybird proper...


In a fully-grown ladybug, the candy-coloured outer shell opens up...


... revealing delicate inner wings that are surprisingly huge...


Taking off...


Designed by Volkswagen!

17 comments:

Gledwood said...

Note to self: vemu.blogspot.com
Americans blogging in German!

COME ON SOMEONE LEAVE A LADYBIRD COMMENT; PLEASE :-)

Baino said...

Fly away home! They are cute aren't they? Even close up.

Puss-in-Boots said...

My mum is a keen gardener and an avid fan of ladybird...they eat all the nasties, like aphids!

Talking about designed by Volkswagon...many years ago my sister-in-law had a green Morris Minor which she called "The Aphid"...which has nothing to do with Volkswagon but hey...

molson said...

Those aphids never stood a chance. Ladybird larvae are more vicious than a snapping snarling yapping trotter terrier.

Bimbimbie said...

Clever little ladybirds, they're one of nature's hit squad*!*

Gledwood said...

Baino: yeah that's just what I thought ~ apart from the multiple-leggy underecarriage, they're amazingly cute close up which is really unusual

Puss-in-Boots: Apparently American farmers buy them by the carton-load to release on to their crops and gobble up the nasties :-)
What resemblance does a Morris Minor bear to an aphid? Any at all..? Weren't Morris Minors those almost Tudor-style cars with "wooden" beams stuck all over the outside?... You know the ones I mean. I'd call it a "wooden car" and my dear brother who always, without fail, gets any allusion, metaphor or joke I ever tell e.g. if I say "that man looks like an earth worm" he knows exactly what I'm saying and why... would laugh and laugh his head off :-)

Molson: the tiny trotter terrier might snap and snarl more at a groany bone though than a ladybird would at an aphid... ps talking of groany bones, have you seen my Furry Friday on Saturday about Simi the Golden (Porkshire Cross) Doggie..? She's amazing and the link is here you MUST go and leave a comment.
http://gledwood3.blogspot.com/2010/07/simi-der-schonster-hund-aller-welt.html
If you don't, I shall have Simi savage you ~ and she has a nasty streak ~ just you look at her face.
And don't worry about the German. You can't speak it any worse than Simi and Internet explorer (though not Firefox for some reason) put up a grey bar up top of screen with "this page is in German; click to translate" and you'll get quite an entertaining rendition, which is no doubt better English than my original German!!

Bimbimbie: they're like women. Beautiful yet formidable, no wonder the name lady bird ...

jams o donnell said...

What a beautiful selection of one of my favourit insects!

Lesley said...

'Designed by Volkswagen' LOL! :O)

Thanks for stopping by my blog Gled and I've left you a reply. I'll try to find out the name of the film for you.

Liz said...

Such cuties.

I've been catching up on the suicide posts. All so very sad. Too many damaged people in the world.

Don't beat yourself up, gledwood. There's too much pain already around.

CrystalChick said...

I quite like ladybugs! Interesting photos.

Syd said...

It is supposedly good luck to have one land on you. I have had several do that recently. I'm hoping the luck story is true.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

There are some great photos here, Gledds. Lovely post.

Gledwood said...

Aren't they wondrous? As Baino said up top, they're beautiful even close up. The ultra-cute type with white spots up front, as in the sex film and the last photo, are the usual type we get here...

Sarah said...

I had an ladybird invasion last november! They came through my bedroom window... hundreds of them. Ladybirds... nasty!

Gledwood said...

Are you in America? I heard about ladybird plagues out there... but I've never experienced one here... though I suppose I'd rather ladybirds than flies...

Gledwood said...

O no you're Sarah the German Au Pair in London. DUR! I'm so sorry; the English name threw me and I didn't know your portrait ;-)

Lucinda said...

I love how every time I come to your blog the post is so different from the last. I'm digging the lady bugs, haha.
= )

Hope you're doing a bit better today man!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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