HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Water Voles


Formerly known as water-rats, these are actually a species of vole, and are more closely related to hamsters than rats.

Unlike wild rats they rarely bite when cornered, and are really furry and cute:

They live in burrows in river-banks...

Aren't they beautiful?

Ratty from Wind in the Willows was actually a water-vole...

Water vole numbers are dwindling sa their habitats become increasingly threatened...

Of course water-voles love swimming...

If you keep your eyes open next time you visit the countryside you may well see a sight like this

If we don't look after their habitat, these beautiful furry animals will soon become extinct...


Bimbimbie said...

Hope you managed to shake off old Rip and got a quality 8 hours of sleep.

I love Wind in the Willows and do you remember Tales from the Riverbank? You should look them up on utube, all those furry conversations wonderful.


Gledwood said...

Tales from the Riverbank was amazing. Those little hamsters and guineau pigs acting all together. Hilarious!

Syd said...

Those are really neat critters. There are so many animals that need protecting.

Gledwood said...

Aye ~ do you have water volies Stateside? That's something I meant to mention in my article, but didn't want to overcomplicate my cute picture-story

Lucinda said...

Wind in the willows! I loved that book as a kid. And the water voles are adorable.

jams o donnell said...

They are utterly delightful animals. It saddens me to think that they are so vulnerable

Bimbimbie said...

I never knew that the show originated in Canada and when their tv station passed over the pilot the creators went to BBC

"but that is another story" as Johnny Morris always ended each story*!*

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Great lot of photos of the water voles - I don't think we have them here, but I may be wrong.
The Wind in the Willows was a good title and you sure like little furry
creatures. The German seems to be progressing. Take great care, my friend, With Best Wishes, Merle.

Gledwood said...

Lucinda: Hi aren't they cute?
Long time no hear, hope all is well with you. I noted your French seemed to be coming along nicely. I'm saying nothing, but thez do say pillowtalk is the very best way of learning anz language..(!)

Jams: I once saw one paddling up a stream when I was a lil boy, it was so furry and cute (and soggy-looking, it has to be said...)

Bimbimbie: yeah did you know the Muppets was commissioned and produced in the UK even though it was an American show... Something to do with the vagiaries of TV production "lore"...

Merle: I do love a furry animal as you know, Merle.
I would imagine water voles are not indiginous to Australia, though I might be wrong, too.
Then again you have dunnarts. I saw the Attenborough docco on them - hilarious!
I actually get compliments on my German, would you believe it!! Though people do point out I have a "style of my own" (ie quite a foreign-sounding yet highly articulate one, I like to think!)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

They are adorable, Gledds.

Hope all is well with you.





Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood