HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...


I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, September 06, 2008

My Clean Dream

Famous Panda Sneeze
This one's had 20,000,000 Youtube views!!
From Baino: now on my pets blog too...

Hello this is a post lost in the midsts of time (let alone the mists)...

Many a miserable day spent attempting to be "clean" of heroin and just to stick to methadone has ended yet again in FAILURE.

What else am I going to do? I've no idea. And I'm too tired to think about it.

I looked up some things to do with drugs, drugs of choice etc.

There's been a bit of a drought in the heroin supply of late, meaning all manner of weird variations in the ordinary standard of the drug have surfaced. Perhaps the most noteworthy being so-called "China White"... hard white rocks of heroin (though it also comes as a fluffy white powder)... in this case slightly offwhite, cooking up a solution the colour of white wine... exceedingly strong... had me standing in the middle of the room in a collapsing Z-shape...(!)

Also that stuff smells strongly of VINEGAR. Anyone know why?
Or is it just the ACETIC ANHYDRIDE used in the processing of morphine to heroin..?

Righty ho I have to go before I babble yous all out... take care!!
United States Heroin Details

Snowballing/speedballing (injecting heroin & crack mixture ~ I used to be head-over-heels addicted to this) most popular injected drug choice by 80% in UK...

Difference between Afghan Brown and China White heroin...

Afghan Heroin flooding Australia... "needs citric acid"...

Crack compared to crystal meth...

Khat: a Somali drug (leaves I once chewed in the grounds of a mental hospital. When we got bored of chewing leaves we inhaled lighter fluid instead and the Somali nutter's conversation hit us like a punch in the face...)

How Kiwis supposedly make "heroin" from codeine...

PS Remember that "definition" of my name Gledwood the other day, that I didn't believe..?

Well I just MADE UP a name, and here's the spiel thereupon..!

The meaning of Xaser

What Xaser Means

You are incredibly sexy and sensual. You have a naughty vibe that no one can ignore.

You have an unquenchable desire. And you are unrestrained in your passions.

You have a tendency to be unfaithful. Whether you fight it or give in to it is up to you.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.


Nicole said...

That name thing is such a crock of shit. Mine said the most ridiculous things. It also said I was "pretty tightly wound" and then two paragraphs later that I am "totally chilled and relaxed". Like, yeah. I think someone has put all sorts of poo-poo into that database.

Lucinda said...

I know that lemons can give you a nasty fungal infections. So, what do you use for citric acid?

I always feel kinda bad when I write comments, because everyone is so worried about you (don't get me wrong, I am too). I just feel like I'm not anti-drug enough compared to everyone else.

That name thing is totally bogus, though it is also fairly entertaining. = )

Ropi said...

Well, those sites always give positive results to such a test.

Baino said...

Fell off the wagon this week did we? God I can't imagine how difficult it is for you Gleds but keep trying. You're right we've had a 35% increase in the importation of Afghan Brown which is cheaper and being taken up big time in Australia apparently. What gets me is that some addicts can actually 'function' in society. They hold down jobs, earn income, have families . . .how does it debilitate some and be merely recreational for others . . I don't get it. Anyway 'Z' man, have a good weekend!

Vincent said...

I nearly pissed my pants when I saw that panda movie. It's incredibly cute but mostly hilarious. The way the parent is staring like WTF just happened?!?!

Fantastic :-)

Akelamalu said...

I've seen the Panda sneeze before but it still makes me laugh!

Oh Gleds what we gonna do with you? You worry me honey, you really do. x

Miss Understood said...

Loved the sneeze! Didn't love your wagon falling though. x

Fire Byrd said...

So how hard will it be to get back on the wagon?

Gledwood said...

Nicole: I think it gives one paragraph of doings according to each letter you enter...

Lucinda: the citric acid/vitamin c is for ordinary brown heroin you must add it to break it down for injection. I heard in your part of the world a lot of the h is white, so you just cook it up. You're lucky as citric stings like hell if your vein's collapsing

Ropi: did you try yourself?

Baino: thanks. I'm not like the letter Z today...

Gledwood said...

Vincent: I like the lil babe's shonky voice...

Akelamalu: do with me? I've no idea

MissUnderstood: I'm v good at the wagonfalling tho

FireBird: quite hard un4tunately...

Drug Addiction Treatment said...

If you are struggling with an addiction, I hope you can get clean.

Gledwood said...

thank you. are you spam?

Walker said...

The smell comes from what they used to wash the impurities out.
Like ether for coke.
Its one of the resons I can walk past rotting garbage because the smell makes my stomach churned and the brain remember the rush.

Gledwood said...

yeah but I don't get it.

you have #3 and #4

#3 is normally brown; #4 is normally white. #4 you cannot smoke as it's been washed into a hydrochloride salt with hyrdochloric acid and ether. This means it's true injection quality, as avid junkies prefer...

morphine washed with acetic anhydride which smells of vinegar, aparently, makes #3. but #3 smells of OPIUM, whereas #4, which has been through hydrochloric acid on top, so you'd assume all acetic anyhdride is by now washed out~ smells of VINEGAR!!

Gledwood said...

yeah but I don't get it.

you have #3 and #4

#3 is normally brown; #4 is normally white. #4 you cannot smoke as it's been washed into a hydrochloride salt with hyrdochloric acid and ether. This means it's true injection quality, as avid junkies prefer...

morphine washed with acetic anhydride which smells of vinegar, aparently, makes #3. but #3 smells of OPIUM, whereas #4, which has been through hydrochloric acid on top, so you'd assume all acetic anyhdride is by now washed out~ smells of VINEGAR!!

Lucinda said...

Yeah, I know what the citric acid is/does, I was wondering do you like buy like tablets of citric acid and crush it. I just wasn't sure like, I guess, like what form of citric acid you use. I'm phrasing it in a weird way.

Gledwood said...

I used to buy it in packets, usually Rajah brand which was for cooking. The pharmacy did a clean white looking box called "citric acid monohydrate" it was a finer crystalline powder but no more expensive.

Nowadays the drug service gives out free sachets of citric or vitamin C with all fresh works. Though why anyone would pick citric over vitamin C is beyond me...

Anonymous said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

Anonymous said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood