HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Regent's Park

FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I went for a ramble into town yesterday!

Found myself in Regent's Park. A very posh royal park (formerly a royal hunting-ground).

Gold-tipped railings. Everything immaculately kept.

I wandered along the Outer Circle, peering through the hedges at the exclusive homes of Chester Terrace (top right).

One day I'm going to live in a house like that and nobody will be able to call me scum.

Though North of the Park (Hyde Park!)/South of the River. Inconsolably vulgar! Plus miles from the shops (that is, the proper shops of Knightsbridge, Sloane Square and the Kings Road) though Regents Park does have the consolation of being near Camden, most convenient for the individual who wishes to live in a 5-storey £10 million* single-fronted stucco'd townhouse in easy reach of indoor markets selling funky fluorescing clubgear...

{*ooo! correction less than £5 million. Number 9 Chester terrace is on sale as we speak. As I say they were only 5 stories and single-fronted (I'd prefer the double-fronted cuboid houses with gargantuan bay windows in Holland Park; that's where I'd actually go if not Chelsea or Knightsbridge) ~ not to mention vulgarly north of "thee" park and execrably pokey.

{I certainly wouldn't feel out of place in prime West London property. And unlike certain vulgar celebrities, when I make my millions I most certainly shall not be shipping out to an outsized Barrat Home in East Essex!

{(Though Barratt have knocked up some delightfully steel-and-glass yuppie flats in the former East London docklands...)...}

Madonna lives near Regent's Park, but I didn't catch sight of her jogging.

The main attraction here (apart from London zoo which I didn't have time, let alone money to poke round) was the supposed red squirrels of North Regents Park, which I've seen with my own eyes (albeit when I was all of seven years old).

But disappointment on disappointment. Nary a squirrel to be found...

And the only ones that were were grey

VIDEOS:

1: PINGPING: WORLD'S SMALLEST MAN!

It's oGuinness Book of Recordsfficial. He Pingping, from Chinese inner Mongolia, aged 20 is a big hit with the ladies. This week he was in London promoting the 2009 , in which he claims said title. This guy is barely more than 2 ft tall!

!

2: JACK RUSSEL VS KITTYCAT

There was supposed to be a video of Pingping wrestling a housecat. But being as I can't find that, thought this dwarf dog rolling on the carpet with a much larger tabby would suffice...


16 comments:

Crushed said...

Yes, but imagine the house parties you could have in a house like that!

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

Sounds like a good day all in all. I love strolling and having no destination, that's when you find the most interesting things.

Gledwood said...

Crushed: I know. + within easy reach of Camden. I'd make sure Amy Winehouse came... My absolutely ideal home would have a ballroom though...

Eileen: I just wish I'd had more energy to scroll to wherever those red squirrels have gone into hiding...

Baino said...

A Ballroom! You mean a place to dance not the Ikea, plonk your kids in a basement full of plastic balls kind of ballroom? Why you old twinkle toes you!
My absolute ideal home would have a Theatre and recliners and surround sound so loud it makes the walls vibrate!
(erm stop peering through bushes . .you might look a bit sus!)

Gledwood said...

Oh yes ... I want at least a personal bedroom for every day of the week plus a room for every purpose. So not only a classical ballroom but a rave room, a home theatre, home cinema plus a mezzanine'd room full of plastic balls so you can jump down in off the balcony!

Of course I simply must have an indoor (not to mention outdoor) swimming pool.

Monogram Queen said...

I SO want to visit London one day - while i'm still able to get around under my own steam that is!

Akelamalu said...

You're talking a lottery win to buy a house like that Gleds. I live in hope though I wouldn't move to London for all the tea in China - I'm a norther gal!

Lucinda said...

My ideal house would have a billiards room and a library, probably a theatre where bands could play. One of those tube maze things (like at McDonald's, only larger). Haha, it would be sweet. I'd also get a chef so that I could have lots of tasty food right in the house instead of far away. That would be awesome. Also a stable, I want some horses too. = )

Nicole said...

Vincent and I live in the garden room in the back of my parent's garden and also dream of what our home might be one day!

ROHIT said...

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Bimbimbie said...

The video of the cat and dog wrestling is hilarious. Do you suppose they got the cat to do this so they don't have to walk the dog for it's business do daas*?*

Didn't Madonna recently buy the house next door to her and uses it as her private gym ... I saw her on tv a couple of months ago come out of one town house jog a few paces and into the one next door. Gym fees are exy in London ;)

sally in norfolk said...

sounds like you had a great walk and good to dream too...sometimes your dreams come true :-)

Gledwood said...

Monogram: go! This is Centre of the Universe (New York can be Center of the Universe) ;->...

Akelamalu: t'would have to be a rollover.

Or my book when it's an international bestseller!!!!

Lucinda: I'd have a gold card with the local Chinese takeaway...

Nicole: Do you know I didn't even realize you were still "dossing" I had assumed you rented a flat or even got a mortgage... hardly the best time for new mortgages now though...

Gledwood said...

Rohit: is this a piece of spam I see before me..?

Bimbimbie: yes, absolutely true re Madonna. According to The Sun newspaper...

Sally: hope so!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood