HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Daily Dairy Meeces' Pieces

NOTHING GOT POSTED YESTERDAY because the internet shop was shut at midday. How unforgivable! Also I'm not posting the "thoughtful" piece mentioned last time as it's not completed yet. I've been having lots of rodent dreams.

One dream in particular is based on a joke I ridiculed my good friend from Wiltshire, Parsnipetta, with. I informed her that creamy cheesecakes re more expensive than plain because the piggles round the side are a rare kind of mouse milk only ordinarily available from Harrods' deli. And she believed me!

Then I either saw on telly or read on the internet or had a vivid dream ~ I'm assuming it must have been the dream ~ that there really are mice from the mouse dairy on teeny-weeny milking machines and the cream they produce is a true international delicacy..(!)

Surely it was a dream? You don't actually get dairy mice, do you? My robbies do like it when I coo such crap at them. They gaze up at me all beady-eyed and adoringly... But maybe it's just the sound of my voice...

The neighbours must surely believe I am going crazy. "Have you got perky little petal ones? Yes you have!" (Petal ears: bonsai roses.) Or "glittery little beady ones!" (Eyes.) I wonder if next doors have any idea what I'm talking about?.. Or who I'm talking to?

See! No mention of death, despair or heroin needles! Have a fine weekend, y'all!

G xx

PS My Dairy Mice have nibbled an entire 1/2 of a chalk stick (cobalt blue).

PPS My friend Pascal is no longer taking my calls after I dared feel too ill to ride the back of a motorbike in ill-fitting helmet carrying outsized mirror in pukeworthy condition (the Night of the Vomiting...)

VIDEO:
All Saints: Pure Shores
Official soundtrack to the Leonardo DiCaprio/Cate Blanchett film, The Beach:



Black Coffee
This is classic. Hear this one 2nd

20 comments:

Mrs Tubbymouse said...

You'd never catch me in a mouse dairy. They'd have to pay me WAY MORE than $10,000 a quart, whatever one of those is...

Gledwood said...

I'm sure they would, Mrs Tubbymouse

Carver said...

Mouse dairy is certainly a novel idea, ha.

Gledwood said...

Hey do you think the dairy mice will keep a dairy diary and let Simon & Schuster publish it for a $10 million advance? I'd be well up for that.>!!

Puss-in-Boots said...

A mouse dairy, eh? Who'd actually have fingers small enough to manipulate something like that, I wonder. Maybe there are miniature mice farmers who get up and herd their respective mice into a dairy shed...and...

Baino said...

At least someone else talks to their pets in a wuffly snuffly way. I'm chronic! Fear not Gleds, I have a Skype conversation with an Irish kid most weekends and he plays around on a voice moderator and sings blue football songs to me . .God knows what his flatmates think he's up to!

Monogram Queen said...

Pascal will get over it, you had a legit excuse!

I must be rubbing off on you- you said y'all!!! *smile*

Kahshe Cottager said...

I can not imagine mouse milk anything! I talk to my pets too and they seem to enjoy it so who cares what anyone else thinks!

BTW .. I do have wireless at the KC but no time to be using it! I will be mostly absent from blogland for a few weeks while we pack and move ... then I will be back posting and visiting again. Stay well while I am away please! 8-)

Akelamalu said...

Mouse milk? Surely not?

Tea and Margaritas in My Garden said...

Hiya Gleds

Great to hear from you. Mice milk eh? lol
Hope you`re feeling better!

tea
xo

Rhea said...

I hope the dairy mice thoughts were a dream. ewwww.

Bimbimbie said...

Milking Mice sure, if they can milk snakes why not a mouse ;)

I'm sure Pascal will be back in touch, when he wants another favour most likely *!*

Lucinda said...

I talk to my dog all the time. He's really chill, he sleeps in my bathroom (we constantly crack jokes about him being a drunk waking up on the bathroom floor), he's also a vegetarian. He's just like a person, only he can't speak, which is kinda nice. Haha, he's a 90 lb., golden retriever, named Aden.

Mouse milking wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't partake it in, but if someone else wanted to that's cool. Whatever floats the farmers' boats.

Crushed said...

The beach is a great film...

But it isn't Cate Blanchett it's the Queen out of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Who's name I can't remember. But I can see why you confused them.

Zen Wizard said...

Rodent milk IS a real delicacy--especially if it's imported from Hamsterdam.

(I apologize in advance for that one--the only other thing I had was an observation of Mighty Mouse's girlfriend's breasts--not the blonde one; the Spanish one--and it was not fit for a family page...)

Gledwood said...

Pussinboots: and imagine how many you'd have to milk to get even a tiny bottlefull..!

Baino: how do you know this Irish kid? I'm very nosily intrigued now!!

Monogram: hey he's finally started talking to me again after about 4 days. Silly burke!

Kahshe: your cottage sounds glorious!

Is it true in N America you can get Cable TV even in remote places? ... or are they talking about satellite?

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: !

Tea&margaritas: ta! I am

Rhea: you look like somebody famous... or is your avatar some famous person..?

Bimbimbie: surely they don't milk snakes. Hang on they CAN'T: the definition of MAMMAL is ONE WITH 'MAMARY GLANDS'! cOME ON!!

Gledwood said...

Lucinda: yeah but could you get fingers round the mouse's teets..??!!?????
Crushed:
you serious? not Cate Blanchett? I can never tell who is and who isn't Cate Blanchett ~ she's so good at accents

Zenwizz: Hamsterdam ~ wah~wah~waaaah!!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood