HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, September 01, 2008

Chalky Roborovskies

I RETRIEVED A COLLECTION OF COLOURED CHALK STICKS from under a bus stop on my early morning fag-hunt. Chalk I had originally been minded to use for Pavement Art, a business I was peripherally involved with some years ago. So after decorating various doors and boxes with psychedelia, shrubs and daisies with mystical inscriptions beneath, I turned my attention to my hamsters who, according to an old owners' manual can, in full-blown hissyfit mode (and if you've never seen a hammy throw a full-blown tantrum you don't know what you're missing: the paw-stomping, teeth-gnashing, up-in-the-air-springing and yes poisonous-serpent-style hissings are not easily forgotten, especially as one's just witnessed one's docile (but ordinarily vigorous) tubby pet turn from domesticated furball into ferral streetfighter. They can allegedly in such revved-up states, easily snap a stick of chalk in half with one single chomp of 2cm razor-gnashers!

Not so Bashful Tubbymouse-Roborovski. Having examined said mineralistic intrusion with some consternation, she did seize it with little hands and took to nibbling it with quite some inquisitiveness. Tiny little toothmarks were left all over it. Spherical took one glance, fled, then glared at me furious through one of many Bashfully-chewed-out holes in the toothpaste-box! Itchy took to gnawing with far more enthusiasm than Bashful. Then promptly bit the end off!

All of which has set me to pondering what vital collective memories of long ago eves on the Mongolian steppes might be revived by such nibbles. I've heard pregnant roborovskis do well to gnaw on a posh piece of chalk called a "mineral lick" ... so I'm off to purchase the very same right now and see how well they do on it. Mineral lick? Mineral Chomp, once "Baby" Itchy's gnashers get anywhere near it..!

Speaking of which, here's a song by Noel Coward, specially adapted for Spherical:

Don't let your daughter get the mange Mrs Tubbymouse;
Don't let your daughter get the mange!
She'll itch, Mrs Tubbymouse;
She'll bitch, Mrs Tubbymouse ~
So don't let Baby Itchy get the mange!


To be sung to the tune of "Don't Put Your Daughter On The Stage, Mrs Worthington" (click below)...

20 comments:

Akelamalu said...

I wonder who lost the chalk? :0

Miss Understood said...

Chalk at a bus stop? I bet some little kid has gone to school in tears!

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: a pavement artist, perhaps?

MissUnderstood: surely kiddies don't bring chalk TO school, they get it given there~~?

Also, don't the teachers use squeaky and more-expensive-on-the-pens whiteboards these days..?

Walker said...

I have a crate here is you want and will throw in a couple of 4 year old artists for free.
I don't think their parents would mind.

BenTheRotti said...

My skinkids have loads of chalk.. I shall send them out to decorate the local pavements now.. if they get arrested I'm coming to you for the bail money hehehe

Ben

Alexys Fairfield said...

Hey Gleds,
Maybe the Hamsters can write a book in chalk?

Hamsters are very clever. They even run America. ;D

Hope all is well with you.

Baino said...

"Fag Hunt"? Gawd . .

Hammies, must have a need for calcium or something . . .sharp little toofs for tiny tubbies!

Nicole said...

Somewhere in the world a child is crying because it lost a packet of chalk! LOL!

Lucinda said...

There's a giant chalk drawing going on at my school tomorrow in the parking lot. Everyone in my class is supposed to come and draw with chalk... I'm debating whether to go or not.

Trixie said...

*Waves madly*

HOLA!

I'm back from Spain and madly trying to get through the 400 posts on my bloglines. Just to let you know I'm back and will catch up properly soon.

Bimbimbie said...

Hehe I'm sure those chalk drawings you left on doors and boxes will be appreciated ... someone might even be blogging about what the mystical inscriptions might mean.

... hope Mrs Tubbymouse is listening*!*

Puss-in-Boots said...

Chalk under a bus??? Fag hunt??? Those are very unusual pastimes, Gleds.

I didn't know your critters would eat the stuff...curiouser and curiouser.

CrystalChick said...

I think my daughter, who is 24, was making a few designs on our patio not too long ago. It's fun for all ages!
Interesting song in the vid.

Monogram Queen said...

Oh my I need to see a hamster hissy fit! LOL

Eileen said...

Chalk is fun. Hopscotch. Writing messages for passerbyers. It's not just for writing out lines in detention any longer.

"I will not use Gledwood's comment box as my own blog forum"

"I will not use Gledwood's comments box as my own blog forum"

"I will not use Gledwood's comments box as my own blog forum"

Ok enough. Cheers!

Gledwood said...

Walker: ha! hey you're Darth Vader ~ slay 'em with ur lightsabre!

BenTheRotti: yeah you used to be able to make good ££ chalking pavements, if you could get passersby to feel sorry for you (well the art couldn't speak loudly enough for itself I'm afraid...)

Alexys: hey long time no hear... dunno if they did it but SOMEBODY wrote a swear word on my hamsters' toilet...

Baino: fag hunt: I'm not paying extortionate govt fag taxes!

Gledwood said...

Nicole: ;->...

Lucinda: o I see everyone does a square and it gets giant. cool idea!

Biombiombie: sorry for the spelling mistake but it looked so entertaining... o yeah Mrs Tubbymouse is always eardropping on me!!! (Don't let ur daughter get the mange now Mrs Tubbymouse!)

Trixie: hola! donde esta la cerveza y la playa?

that's the only spanish i know...

Gledwood said...

Pussinboots: I know they're unusual passtimes but hey... no i never guessed they'd nibble on it really... spose they must all like the taste and maybe it DOES have handy minerals for them... I have to find that mineral lick as they might really like that and it might make their fur furrier and their ears perkier...

Crystalchick: excellent stuff. my old next door neighbour made a roman mosaic. it looked excellent. they were breaking up old plates for months and months and i wondered what on earth they were doing

MQ: only "normal" golden hammies i've ever seen do this... pandable used to take exception to being woken and do it

Eileen: ;->...aarghbeingcutoffyetagain...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood