HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I Miss My Little Hammies


YES I most certainly do miss them. No hamster donkey derby with three scurrying the wheel at once, no roborovski carnival. It's all pine-coloured and dull, with only the rumbles of the central heating pipes for company...

Usually to illustrate my posts I had to grab photos of other people's hamsters*, which looked exactly the same as mine, as all roborovskis are "the same" in appearance (no "fancy" varieties available except for the "white-faced" roborovski)...


So here in close up are my actual three: Bashful, Itchy and Spherical, taken just a few months before they all died.

The reason they keep seemingly inspecting the camera up close then vanishing, by the way, is because they were NIBBLING the side of it as I filmed ~ the little swines!

Here's a cute tiny version, if you prefer:

The two illustrated up top are named Tic and Tac, and many thanks to RoborovskiHamsters.Webs.Com for the link ...


Baino said...

Awww I can't imagine a house without pets even little tiny ones.

Sweden said...

are u getting any new pets? maybe try for a cat? or a rat?

Gattina said...

Why don't you buy another one or a cute guinea pig, I just saw some yesterday when I bought food for my cats, they are so cute ! We had one we let him run free and he went on a newspaper for his buisiness, very clever little things !
to the tax free countries, I know of course, but to get a work permit there or even the right of residence you have to be rich ! The boss of my husband had to pay 2500 € to get the right of residence and that was in the 80th !

Janice said...

I'm sorry you still miss your little pets.


Puss-in-Boots said...

You'll just have to buy some more tiny furries, Gleds. Treat yourself for Christmas. I can't imagine life without a cat or two around me. It'd be fairly bleak, I think.

J said...

Gled- look into getting a rat. I have one rat and shes the best pet ive ever owned. Ive never had a pet bond with me so closely. Definitely will cheer you up on the worst of days!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Perhaps you should get some more, Gledds.



Gledwood said...

BAINO: nor can I ~ but I come back to one every day~!!

JANICE: :-<....

GATTINA: Was that Monte Carlo you were talking about? I thought such a tiny country sounded suspiciously too easy to be true to get into on that BBC news report. In need of convenience store tycoons indeed!!
Yes I would like to get guinea swines... they do resemble giant hamsters, after all ...

SWEDES: I don't think so... for one thing, as soon as I come I really AM leaving the country. Had it up to HERE with Britain even MORE than I love the animals... which is quite inconvenient, to be sure...

Gledwood said...

PUSSINBOOTS: I would like to get some, but have to leave Britain ASAP and I don't want to have to dump them on someone...

J: I wanted to get a rat, but only held back because the cage had to be far bigger than mini hamsters... but when I'm in the New York/Berlin/Bahamas, who knows...??

SB: I would love to get more roborovskis when I finally EMIGRATE PERMANENTLY FROM BRITAIN... they would cheer up the homesickness with their cheery anticks....

Syd said...

I miss seeing updates on them too. The photo and the video made me tear up for their loss. I hope that you get a few more to keep you company.

Gledwood said...

one day I shall..!

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood