HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

$600 Million for 2 Paintings, Anyone?


These are the two Titian paintings the evidently cash-strapped Duke of Sutherland is asking the National Galleries of England and Scotland the "cut price" of a mere $200 million for the pair, a mere third of the expected commercial auction value...
Top: Diana and Actaeon...
Bottom: Diana and Callisto

By the way, I used to think the painter's name was pronounced "Titty-Ann". I was wrong. The BBC say "Tishn". So there!

BLUE CROSS DOG RESCUE

These TV ads are really sad (what an excellent actor Wilfy is though!)



Park action:
Yesterday I saw a real live fight between a magpie and a squirrel!!!

OK I admit this is not it, but a more dramatic version (let it get going)...



GUMBY TRAILER

This purloined from Lu's blog... real surreal... reminds me of that BBC kiddies' TV superstar of the claymation, Morph... anyone remember him?



THE INTELLECTUAL MEANING OF "GLEDWOOD"!!




What Gledwood Means



You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.



You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.



You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.



You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.

You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.

People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.



You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.

You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.

You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!



You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.



... and who'd have guessed all THAT? (Where on earth they summoned that crap from I've utterly no idea at all!!)

(Crap? Actually it's complete horse****.)

ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS IRAQUI "!CAMEL SPIDER"

This came from a feature in the Sun newspaper "Afghan Mega-Spider Killed Our Dog". A desert camel spider. This has to be thee most pantspissworthy creature I have ever had the misfortune to set my eyes upon. The legs exceed human palm size, the body is far larger than my roborovski hamsters. After seeing the video below I spooked myself so badly with the thought of one running up my sleeve I actually had to stop in the park to publicly shake out my jacket. Yes! I got eebyjeebies that bad!!¬

This m*********r is ENORMOUS... yes that is a REAL SPIDER

WHAT AN UKKKY THING!!!


18 comments:

Miss Understood said...

There is no way in this world I can watch that video. I'd need a straight jacket afterwards!

Gledwood said...

What: the spider one? i nearly pissed myself, seriously ... you couldn't get the props dept of Alien II to make something more disgusting...

... and I stand by my declaration: that is FAR BIGGER than palm sized, no matter what the Sun guestimates...

{%-/...

Gattina said...

Aren't there some things true in this name game ? Sometimes I am surprised when I do one and it's near the truth.
I have followed your blogging a bit during the holidays, I was away quite a lot and have read that it hadn't been so good for you lately.
But as long as you keep your humor and this blog I am not too worried !
It is a pity that we can't heal our souls like a broken leg !

Nicole said...

Hope you're feeling a bit better today. I wish you had a mailing address so I could send you things such as tea.

Walker said...

Ok, that's one spider i don;t want to find in my basement or anywhere else but definitly not my basement.
.

Queenie said...

What the f--k, Jeeeebus GleDwood I'm in on my own tonight, cheers for that!!!

I'll give them a tenner for the paintings, actual I like them...

Baino said...

God I thought our spiders were big but nothing like that. Even our bird eating spider is about the size of a South American Tarantula! Interesting sound track for the squirrel fight! Aggressive little furballs aren't they? Glad you seem a little more chipper today Gleds . . .

Vincent said...

"pantspissworthy"

I had to laugh so much when I read that word that I almost spat out my lunch :-)

Puss-in-Boots said...

$600m for two paintings...oh, is that all, not after much is he?

Pantspissworthy...well that's a different word...I quite like it but one wouldn't want to say it after a few tots of whatever.

As for that spider...no thanks. The buggers are big enough here and they give me the heebies just thinking about them. There's no way I'm watching that video.

TOM said...

I really despise big creepy spiders!!

Ropi said...

Well if it was in Forint maybe some crazy people would buy them.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Ciao, Gleds. Tostart at the end, that spider scared me! As for the paintings, I'll take 6 of each, because , as my Dad would have said , "You might as well get hung for a sheep as a lamb."

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Forgor: I think that name thing is oretty accurate about you! Lovefrom Sicily xx

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

Gattina: I suspect that program reads each letter of the name, giving generalized compliments accordingly (how else? I entered Xaser as a name and STILL got a reading!!)... I know what you're referring to: "numerological" thingies... etc. Hmmm. Not at all sure about that after all they only ride on what HAPPENS to be the spelling through our 26 letters. What if we were Russian, Japanese, Egyptian, Cambodian, Ethiopian? Same name, totally different spellingscript!

Nicole: address is a real problem but I v much appreciate the idea

;->...

Walker: so long as it NEVER EVER LEFT my cellar I'd not be too offended. I'd just never in my lifetime ever want to set eyes on such a grotty disgusting thang..!

Elizabeth I: yeah the paintings are OK, just a bit big. And to be honest a lot scrappier than I'd envisaged. Also what's with all the nude bodies: quite vulgar! I'm surprised some bowdlerizing Victorian didn't add-on painted figleaves!!!

Baino:
yeah I'm a bit better, ta. Squirrels are a bit like tubby Golden Hamsters: quite perkysome (unlike the shy retiring scuttlesome roborovski who dashes off at the 1st sign of anything remotely amiss...)

Wasn't that magpie fight classic. Something told me squirrels and magpies must fight a lot and youtube certainly came up with loads of goods.

What: you have BIRD EATING SPIDERS Down Under. No no no!!! They really WOULD make me piss my pants. Though they're endearingly furry at least. Unlike funnelwebs and the Dreaded Eastern Mouse Spider: now that really is disgusting (and the M more venomous than a funnelweb: once saw an Aussie docu about a family with a plague of 600 mouse spiders a DAY in their back garden... that's how many the pest destroyers fished out. 600 day/night one/ another 400 next time. 1000 spiders of bites DEADLY to a small child, rambling amongst the back lawn... and amll children rambling there too. And they rear up on the last 2 legs and wave the other 6 at you before "striking". Nasty things!!

Gledwood said...

Vincent: pantspissworthy? that was no exaggeration whatsoever...!!!!!

Pussinboots: paintings: "the British Mona Lisa"?... Not sure I'm that v much impressed. I prefer those late-Victorian pre-Raphaelite jobbies to the "real" renaissance works... as for the Mona Lisa, worth over £1 billion or $2 billion I glimpsed it through the 3 bulletproof smoked glass coffee table tops it's concealed under and wasn't so impressed by that either. (For one thing it's really tiny, barely bigger than a sheet of A4...)

Tom: say that again. As I mentioned, props dept from Alien 2 couldn't have come up with anything more revolting

%-?/...

Ropi: "Forint"~??

Welshcakes: tha name: yep it was oddly well not that INaccurate. Quite strangely.

I'd take loads of the paintings too, but like the old Duke, would have them hanging in the national galleries long b4 I ever risked putting that many £100,000,000s worth of art on my own walls!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood