HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Slam Door Argument in Hallway...

WHAT IS IT WITH SOME PEOPLE..? I'm just leaving the house nary an hour ago on my way here when I'm confronted by the new people downstairs. The new resident is a white girl: very young, quite depressed looking. She doesn't look heavily into drugs and appears to have her sanity (two big pluses against most of the inhabitants of this standard of accommodation..(!!) but I get the feeling she comes from a miserable and highly disturbed background (that is, that she was probably in "care", is an "orphan" or has been otherwise abused. It's unusual for such a young person to end up in "emergency accommodation" unless they're here directly from a foster home type situation...

... Earlier on I had returned home exhausted, wet, tired, ill, hungry and all-round not feeling very good, only to glimpse her at the end of my road. "Oh no," I thought, as I was not feeling up for conversation of any kind... thankfully she promptly disappeared into her room, leaving the front door open for me. I ran inside and banged it shut behind me thinking at least she's considerate enough to leave the door open for me ~ how atypical of the younger generation.

A couple of minutes later a tapping at my door that I did not answer. I was irritatedly pinpricking something at my foot in the bathroom. Something to take the nastiness of the day away. And was seriously not up for discussions of any type. Especially "are you my new housemate" type cooings as I (rather magnanimously, as it turns out) ASSUMED this might be...

On leaving I'm confronted by her, her tiny female friend, also about 17-18-ish and short and a great fat black bloke. I said "alright?" to them, as they had been banging about as if locked out. I don't know what their problem was.

Black guy promptly squares up to me saying "we all keep ourselves to ourselves in this house, right? Well what's this slamming doors in her face?" and he indicates New Girl.

I was utterly flummoxed, I have to admit. I did not understand what on earth he was going on about.

Turns out he was accusing me of having "slammed the door in her face".

Only afterwards did the overwhelming ridiculousness of the situation really hit me: that she's a grown woman and why on earth should she need this amateur-would-be-bouncer-type "threatening" me..?

I said what? Did was someone outside? I didn't realize. I'm sorry. Nothing intended.

Then he blahblahblahed like well it's OK then let's drop it. So I spoke directly to her: "did I slam the door in your face? I'm so sorry!"

She quite aggresively countered: "just forget it, OK!"

Point being, NOBODY was outside, door slammed in NOBODY's face. That's called trying to stir up doggy-do's where there is none!

Well I have the measure of THEM. But if they think they're even edging towards the league of my old house they're sadly mistaken (very 17-year old attitudes). I had a neckful of crap at my old house and I aint' taking no more off THESE type of pretenders..!!

PS Especially for ME {thanks Bimbimbie!} Red and Rainbow Queenslander garden parrots!!


VIDEO:
THE HOOBS
"Hubba Hubba steals the show"..!

This is the former "favourite children's TV prog" I used to go on about well over a year ago...

... (little else to say about it now..!!)


17 comments:

Baino said...

Thats a bit unreasonable, some people just go looking for trouble and I don't understand why . . .shame you can't pick your neighbours . .

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Well, it seems the adolescent “house mate” likes to play damsel in distress and whine to the would-be dragon slayers. And you got to be the dragon!

Shit! I mean, I’m glad you didn’t accept the shit and I believe you did the absolute best thing in confronting the would-be damsel directly rather than messing with her rescuer!

Great job! I applaud your handling of the situation.

Anonymous said...

Hhehee Nick has said it all! You handled it well Gledwood, best avoid the trio from now on.

BEWARE: do not bounce along gathering bluebirds. They will bite!

Vincent said...

What a twat man. Someone's going to be ignored for a while I think.

Flipside said...

Good evening Gledwood!

Sometimes Saintly Nick makes some very valid points.

Your house-mate may just be attention-seeking!

Girls can be very sensitive :o) You were consciously avoiding your house-mate, but she left the door open for you. That was an indication that she was aware of you, and made a friendly gesture. You then "banged the door"? She may have seen this as an aggressive response, and been disappointed! Maybe she was expecting
a shout, "Thanks for leaving the door for me!"?

Does she fancy you?! (She effectively got close and spoke to you, and got you to speak to her (!) without incurring the wrath of her big fat "bodyguard"!)

The man may have been attempting to sus you out and establish "Pecking order".

You skilfully defused a potentially explosive situation by employing a biblical technique, (ie "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.")

PS Intrigued to know who I am ? - why? I'm also intrigued to know if it would make any difference to your response if I was a rock star, a waitress, or the heir apparent? ;->
In time you will know me.::::::::::

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds, I'm in agreement with Nick, you did the right thing speaking directly to the girl. Hopefully she's a quick learner and won't try that one with you again.

... would you believe the great seed trail brought two King Parrots around for breakfast just one day after my telling you I hadn't seen them for weeks. They must have heard your request ;)

Akelamalu said...

Some folk can cause trouble in an empty house! I hope this wasn't a taste of things to come for you Gleds.

K.C. said...

Good for you, honestly, writing it out and getting it out. Can't change what others do.. only how you react to what others do. How you react will determine how the situation will evolve...

I didn't know you at all until a few days ago, and now I find myself thinking of you several times during my day and wishing you all the best... you will change lives.

Kayce

Nicole said...

What stupidity. It's probably just mental illness of some sort, but still nothing you should be putting up with, you've got enough worries of your own.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Would you say that behaviour is drug related, or is she just an attention seeker? Good idea to keep clear of them, Gleds...idiots they are...what's with the black dude, is he their pimp??

Kahshe Cottager said...

How very annoying, but it sounds like you handled it very well. I wonder why people do things like that? It seems a waste of energy to me.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Oh, dear, Gleds .. there's just no fathoming some people! You take care.

Megan said...

Wow. "Overwhelmingly ridiculous" is right.

Monogram Queen said...

Yes just avoid them if at all possible. I hate smart-ass whippersnappers!

Gledwood said...

Thanks everyone: I'm replying to these points in my today's post ;->...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood