HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Mumzy, Tutankhamun and the Jubilee Line Trauma

FINALLY MUMZY AND I got to see Tutankhamun at the O2 Centre (formerly known as the dreaded Millennium Dome) in North Greenwich. The exhibition was fantastic. It does not include the famous golden Death Mask, but does have lots of other stuff including Neffertiti, Queen Tea (Neff's mother or mother-in-law, I believe) and the white Tut bust illustrated...

... I was in a really Egyptian mood when I left.

This however got totally wiped out by the trauma of having to ride the Jubilee Extension through Canary Wharf (mini New York) and London Bridge Station in hi-tech cattle trucks full of gormless office-zombies (ie folks like me in the future, I expect!!) Dismounted at London Bridge to Change Northern Line only to find out the connexion I wanted was unavailable due to a broken escalator, so cussing, I resumed an extraordinarily crowded train, had to change in the middle of town and finally am home what feels like an hour later (but it was only half an hour tops!)... those trains are so exceedingly sweaty I felt like I was going to melt. How on earth people endure them daily in full business dress unable to change and take a shower on arrival I shall never comprehend... When I'm an international typhoon I shall have bed, kitchen and bathroom in my office (in other words so I never have to go home!!) ... but that's another story or kind of daydream of mine.

Actually the exhibition was so vast my mind started wandering... and rather than admiring the last of the 3200 year-old statues inside them I started wondering whether the plexiglass cases would make nice homes for the Roborovski family...

My Mum was fine by the way... And how was YOUR day..??

PS Next time we're doing Buckingham Palace..(!!)

24 comments:

mutleythedog said...

Talk Like an Egyptian!

I have a guest Golden Hamster here courtesy of my daughter going to Spain with her mother to join the nasty Chinese growler and the shy russian one... ha! I am a three hamster home.

Eileen said...

Gledwood - International Typhoon. Awesome. Glad to hear that you had a nice visit with your Mom and the Egyptians!

Baino said...

I remember seeng the Tut exhibition as a Child at the British museum and it was all decked out like a tomb. We had to walk through all these heiroglyphed hallways and then into the display it made such an impression on me it was FANTASTIC especially the little things like jewellery and furniture. Loved it. I'm still amazed there's no aircon on Trains. (I've never been inside Buck House!) Kinda cute going to see Mummies with Mummy!

grumpygit said...

Hello Gleds. I saw Tut a few weeks ago on a jaunt to London and really enjoyed it. Mrs Git doesn't like the tube, but we used it to get there anyway. If you think ours are crowded, try the one in St Petersburg - talk about sardines!

GG
(www.grumpyworld.co.uk)

CrystalChick said...

Sorry for the terrible travel, but OH HOW WONDERFUL you got to see the Tut Exhibit. Hubby got me tix as a Valentine's gift last year when it was in Philadelphia, I guess that was right before it went to London. How magnificent. We loved it! I posted a blog about things we saw, hmm, back in late August, called Egyptian Splendor.
I'm so glad I got to go!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Why is the song Walk Like An Egyptian now stuck in my head?

Anonymous said...

Hheee, you don't have to be a "gormless office-zombie" in your future to be successful Gledwood! I'm pleased your mummy was good and Egyptian mummies are always my favourite at the museum! How lucky to see Neffertiti!!! Okay, it was hard work but worth it ;)

Lucinda said...

Haha, I feel the same way about commuters here. I do it to get to class, but I don't understand how these men in full business suits do it daily. I have a serious anger problem with people who commute, I don't really know why, but whenever I am on the train I have a large desire to punch them all in the face... I wonder why.

I'm glad your mother is well.

My day was lovely. I ate some Chinese food and wandered around NYC. = )

Deb said...

Sounds like a nice time gleds.

You made me laugh with the mind wandering part though...I do stuff like that. So, would they make good robo homes?

We had a HORRIBLE transit event here in Canada this week...just like it was straight out of a horror movie. A man stabbed then DECAPITATED another young man right on the bus! He then walked around the bus carrying the head. I almost can't believe it's true. What on earth is this world coming to?!?!

Arjan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Arjan said...

Cool! I want to see it too..
But then again I also want to go to Egypt sometime...

Gledwood the businessman..hmm I see you in an office with a big cage full of Roborovski's on your desk ;)

@ Deb..ugh I read about it..really sick.

Vincent said...

Awesome dude, that sounds like a very interesting exhibition. I had to laugh when I read about the plexi glass hehe.

Nicole said...

I think it's wonderful that you do these fun things with your mum. The exhibition sounds like good fun. The public transport sounds as horrid as I remember it being. Like I said, it's no wonder people prefer their own cars.

Monogram Queen said...

Sounds like a great time, I have always wanted to see a Tut exhibit!

Gledwood said...

Mutley: hi to the hammy from me...

Eileen: typhoon! ~~ hey I was wondering if NE1 would spot that one...

Baino: the wooden chests etc were amazingly well-preserved

Grumpy: wasn't it fantastic... (and expensive at close on £20 each admission +£4 for the personal telephone holder audio tour thing...)

Gledwood said...

Crystal: I knew someone I knew had been to see it on the East Coast of America and was wracking my brains as to who... how you've reminded me!!

Preposterous: I've got Sinead O'Connor's Crocodile in Dublin Zoo spinnin' around mine...

hey how are you? I hope things have got better now

Anonymous: no i don't really want to be a gormless office zombie but also didn't want to insult my future employees...(!!)

Lucinda:

Gledwood said...

Lucinda: dur! My mistake above... I did mean to REPLY there... right:

I have to say I was thinking of NYC as we trundled under Canary Wharf... it's like a mini Manhattan, all glass and steel built up into the sky

+ I get massive cravings for Chinese food too...

Debs: what is the world coming too: you're asking ME... o man! sometimes I think no wonder i'm on drugs... you'd be crazy not to

then I think all sensible and respectable thoughts that cancel that one out. her-hmmmMMM

Arjan: yeah man I will definitely have a live hamster ornament on the desk somewhere between the kitchenette, bathroom and personal office swimming pool...

it might come your way after us... it's stay has been extended, so maybe they were negotiating where it goes to next in Europe...

Vincent: it's fantastic you should definitely go if it comes Down Under (I think it's on a world tour so it might well come your way...)

Gledwood said...

Nicole: We always kill 2 birds with 1 stone and "do" something as well as just meet... also my home isn't that hospitable so she would probably go crazy if cooped up in there (haha!!)

Driving a car in London is even MORE of a nightmare and definitely FAR slower than even the tube... though that kept "needlessly" slowing down, probably to keep in line with some silly timetable no commuter EVER goes by as you just go to platform and wait max 5 mins for the next blinkin' train, don't you~!!

Monogram: Shame you couldn't have seen the exhibition when it was your side of the pond... it didn't come any nearer than NYC and Philadelphia, far as I know...

I will try and post up some Tut links if I can...

;->...

Gledwood said...

PS Debs: yes those artefact-storing containers would make excellent robo-homes, specially if installed with diggery one end, lots of wheels and a red robo-night-light...

jmb said...

Hey Gleds, how are you?
I went to the King Tut exhibit in Philadelphia last year and it was absolutely stunning. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it. The presentation was extraordinary.
I hope all is well with you.

Arjan said...

Today I went to the Terracotta warrior exhibition, those were great too! The Egyptians were almost outshined when it came to his tomb-building...really sick stuff (the sheer amount of terracotta warriors and the size of his tomb).

Lucinda said...

I think I may have gone to this exhibit when it was in Philadelphia last summer, or at least a similar one. It was pretty cool.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood