HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Locked Out, Dagger in Washing Machine... A Series of Mishaps...

I WAS INNOCENTLY WASHING CLOTHES last night when, a few minutes into the cycle, a gigantic clunking took hold and sustained itself inside my washing machine. So annoying was this, I was compelled to get up and peer inside... only to view nothing less than a bloody great dagger held fast and lodged inside the rubber seals of the door and methodically stabbing at and slowly shredding my clothes with each turn of the drum.

Dagger ~ shmagger. OK it was my missing Ikea kitchen knife. The one that left a gaping hole in my new knife block. But it's the nearest to a dagger that i possessed. And as much as anything the handiest one.

To say I was upset to catch it destroying my clothes in the washing machine is something of an understatement. I could not get the door open for love nor money. What if a small child had been in there? Or a puppy? Surely they have some system for prematurely opening machines mid-cycle?

In the end I turned it off. No luck with the door even after waiting the requisite three minutes. I finally did get it open ~ with a machine full of grey water, by turning the dial clockwise to the cycle's end, then waiting again. And finally I got my knife back ~ clothes seemingly relatively unharmed.

I shall be writing to Ikea about the bluntness of their chopping knives for this.

Then this morning I left home in a hurry. Door failed to close so I slammed it hard.

Got back and not a single key I found would open the lock.

Of course my in-house neighbours were nowhere to be found when I took to banging downstairs windows... etc. This is one of those double-glazing-type doors where the lock comes out at several points down the frame. Right at the bottom a lever was on display: bent through the frame and stuck. I got it inside. Kept banging at the door turned backwards (facing the street) with my backside. I'm gald I had the intuition to do this because eventually something went click. Key entered. Key turned. And hey presto! In I went!!

But very upset at the occasion...


Ignore this: the link is for my own use... old shorthand manuals at http://gregg.angelfishy.net


Liz said...

What a day, gleds! I should stay indoors doing nothing for the rest of the day if I were you.

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

May I ask how your kitchen knife made it into your laundry?

This is kinda off topic but here is a story for you. The only reason I am regailing you with it is because I initially thought you may have stumbled upon a murder weapon in amongst your clothing or something...

My Uncle lives in BC and frequently went down to Cali on business. Usually he rented cars are drove down. While on his way back up to the Canadian border, in his rental vehicle, he notices something mettalic on the ground. He picks it up and drops it quickly upon noticing that it was a spent bullet from a .45. He calls the State police before hitting the border to report it. Upon further inspection of the vehicle it became evident that it was used to smuggle coke. If it was me I would have most certainly pooped.

Akelamalu said...

It was one of those days wasn't it? ;)

Baino said...

Haha that's hilarious. I thought for a moment some 'crim' had stashed their knife in an inconspicuous place! And if it's any consolation, at least your washing machine works! Mine won't pump so I've been ladeling buckets of water out of it before the spin cycle. There goes another $800 for a newbie. GAH!

Crushed said...

When even inanimate metal objects are conspiring against you, you know you got it hard...

Puss-in-Boots said...

How the hell did that knife get in your washing machine, Gleds?? Did you hide it in your dirty laundry after a deed most foul...or are you loosing your mind...?

Gledwood said...

Liz: that's precisely what I did... except when I went out again. Checking the front door very carefully...

Eileen/R: it was my own tomato-chopping knife that I'd lost days ago. Which was dagger-shaped... How on earth it got in there I've no idea...

Akelamalu: say that again.

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: I meant you can say that again...

Baino: bloody hell. I am glad it works. The clothes were remarkably ok as well... I commiserate about the $800. Why don't you try shoplifting a new one? Nobody would believe you'd actually have the cheek to steal it. You never know security might even hold doors open for you as you exit...

O yeah washing machines are usually bought by delivery. Ho-humm. Well you could always say you're delivering yourself as you live in an Island off the Northern Territory...

Crushed: that is precisely how it felt. I was seriously ANNOYED

Pussinboots: probably I am losing my mind. How the hell it got in there I'd seriously like to know as I was so annoyed to see it in there with the machine merrily trundling on. I nearly had a pink fit, I can tell you...

Audrey said...

You havent lost that lovely ability to tell a tale Gleds had me chuckling at the end....not at your misfortune but been there done thats so I know how frustrating it feels. Loved your lead through on the recipe on the previous post too, can see you on tv hosting a celeb cookery show, with real aplomb

Hope your well and thanks for bringing a smile to my face today

xx Auds

Audrey said...

p.s my post is a bit serious so If your looking for light and humerous give it a miss..ha ha lifes like that though xx

Audrey said...

p.s my post is a bit serious so If your looking for light and humerous give it a miss..ha ha lifes like that though xx

Gledwood said...

Hey did you know I was thinking of becoming the first (famous) internet cook. Can you imagine that?

WAT said...

This story is insane! I too was wondering how that knife got there or why it was even in there in the first place.

"What if a small child had been in there? Or a puppy?"

OH CHRIST! That is so awful yet funny a thought.

Happy Xmas Gledders!

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eda said...




Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood