HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Mother Hubbard In Hospital

MY V. GOOD FRIEND MOTHER HUBBS has just returned from a trip Down Under a couple of days ago. All went wrong in the last week. Weather was stifling in Melbourne anyhow but she got extremely hot and sweaty. Then terrible bellyache broke in... turned out it was pancreatitis which is really nasty and an inflamed gall bladder. If she'd not got to hospital in a 150-mile ambulance-dash (they were near Melbourne; not in it!) the Aussie doctors say her pancreas would have ruptured and she could have died. MH is not one to make a fuss about health issues (or pain; unless she's in agony). When she did say she was ill in the night her partner just wanted to roll over and leave it till morning. But she insisted and we're all glad she did. Now she's in hospital over here and awaiting an operation. We all hope she will be all right...

And what a horrible end to a holiday, but! (As they might say down in Victoria...)


(That is not her in the picture: I'm reliant on stock images...!)

I told her about my moving and my Mum and Ikea and she said I'm glowing... (cool!!)

My only problem in the new place is the continuing invasion of cockroaches. My Mum says they are a metropolis-wide problem in London. Out of town, where she is, infestations are barely heard of. But here, nearly all professional kitchens have chronic low-level infestation. And rented accommodation is rife with it.

Having already used an entire can of Raid Crawling Insect Spray (33% Extra Free: 0.2% pyrethrum; 0.2% permethrin) it sends the poor things into jigs and jitters and unless you get them full-on drowned in spray death takes over an hour to "embrace" them... I used the entire thing in a week. And that was being sparing. So today for a bargainacious £1.29 I got a 400g 0.5% permethrin powder to dust right along all skirting and cupboard tops/etc: already half done with half my place and a new red Raid spray, writing in French and Arabic. I checked the active chemicals and they were different and at far lower concentrations. So I was just about to put it back on the shelf in despair, thinking "this is health and safety gone mad: now the product's even weaker" when I realized it was the West African version where they have mega-bugs. And sure enough I got it home and it knocks 'em dead within 10 seconds. Amazing!

*

The late Pandable's looky-likey's Pet of the Day in The London Paper...

Have you got Sky TV? If so watch Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict tonight at 10pm. It gets a really good write up in the London paper (have a clickonit and read...)

13 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Sorry to hear about MH I will send her positive thoughts and Reiki.

Cockroaches? Ugh!

Baino said...

Sorry to hear about your friend Gleds. It's a long flight home when you're in pain! I find that cockroach 'baits' work well you just slip them under beds and couches and they work for three months without any toxic smells . . I'll send you a skink to clean up the corpses! hehe.

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

Hope MH is feeling better soon!

Cockroaches are horrid little creatures, the bain of a city dwellers existence! We had an infestation in one of our apartments and ended up spending about $40 for this small tube of whatever exterminators use. The same result 10 secs and they were all DEED.

Fire Byrd said...

Gawd and I thought having the badgers in my garden was bad enough!!!

molson said...

Best wishes to Mother Hubbs...

I lived in a roach infested apartment in college. No way to kill all of them as they lived in the walls and moved freely from apartment to apartment. My roomies and I found that dish detergent and Lysol disinfectant bathroom cleaner killed the bastards pretty quickly. I remember, before moving into the apartment, seeing roaches that were damn near 2 inches long in the basement of the college dorm. They were slow and harmless and never left the basement. I recall hearing somewhere that they lived on electrical insulation covering the wiring. I don't know if that one is true. All I know is they were some damn big roaches. Good luck with the roach war, but keep in mind that the roaches will far outlive humanity.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Poor MH. Do tell her how much your online friends are rooting for her, Gleds. Mind you don't inhale the fumes from those cans now!

Zen Wizard said...

I recommend Pic Boric Acid Roach Killer III for roaches.

It has the venerable quality of not being very toxic to humans but highly toxic to roaches.

I thought I would NEVER GET rid of my roaches.

This causes them to die a slow, painful death--and every roach they come in contact with gets it on them.

I bought a shitload if you didn't live in such a pain in the ass place to mail stuff to I would just give you a bottle.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oh poor MH, sounds like she was very lucky...just as well she insisted on going to hospital. But painful...ow...I know what gallstones are like and hers would have been so much worse involving the pancreas.

As for cockroaches, I think they're the curse of mankind. Those things would survive a nuclear blast...and so would ants apparently. Lovely...

Gledwood said...

AKELAMALU: reiki by proxy..? you really can do that, can't you?

BAINO: they gave her morphine for the planeride!

EILEEN/REENY: ALL in 10 secs, or just the ones you could see? I'm having some success but it's gonna be a long battle. Even dead cockroaches can breed from fertile eggs hatching in the corpse of mothers-to-be. You gotta kill those babies b4 they breed THEN you definitely got them all

FIREBIRD: badgers in your garden??: have you seen them?? how cute! Pandable had special badger-stripes...

Gledwood said...

MOLSON: I've seen those slow-moving enormous ones. They're about 2 inches long. The size of a fullygrown Roborovski... don't know what they're called. I've got two types in my kitchen. Smaller brown ones and bigger blacker ones. The bigger blacker ones are harder to kill with permethrin that's for sure. They've a noticable resistance... that West African Raid is fantastic though!!

WELSHCAKES: I once nearly died after letting off 2 cans in a row in one of my old houses...

ZENWIZZ: boric acid? I will try that!

PUSSINBOOTS: that nuclear blst thing is surely true. I know I microwaved one for a few secs on high power and it survived!

Squirrel said...

cockroach poison might do harm to other small creatures should they venture from their habitrails.
toxic!
I never used bug spray even when living in nyc apts. there are other ways I'm sure there are online recipes.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood