HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Bashful, Itchy and Spherical Online!


O WOW! I can't believe I managed to do this (with loads of help, hmmm...) For the first time ever you get to see my very own roborovskis in their scruffiest not very photogenic (Sun newspaper nibblings) nest...

(NB: the photograph is just a generic image for illustration; the film stars my own three furries!)




Video 2:
TAMING ROBOROVSKIS
This shows quite nicely just how frustrating these furry swines can be to (try and) handle when you first get them. Watch this and watch mine and see how remarkably laid back (indeed half asleep with a camera in the face) Bashful-Itchy-TrottersterSpherical have gone. Also what you didn't see was Spherical's snaggle-nose nibbling determinedly on the side of the phone whenever she was out of shot...



31 comments:

Liz said...

Aww, look at their little faces! Bless 'em.

Well done, you!

Gledwood said...

what you didn't see was how they grabbed hold and started nibbling the sides of the camera while I was stil filming...

Gledwood said...

ps what does everyone think of the music: nice or horrible?

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

Man, I can't see this at work :( S'pose that means I have to actually DO WORK. I'll check it out at home...

Jeannie said...

Something happened the first time I checked this morning - watched most of your video and everything shut down. There was no music then?
I can hear it now. Had my volume way loud and got a little stunned.

Your robos are very sweet. The camera seemed close (and they seemed interested in it) so I didn't get an idea of how tiny they are. It's so cool that you can show us now and not just tell us.

gledwood said...

EILEEN/REENY: But how come you can look at blogs but not videos? Did they blockade youtube? That wouldn't surprise me..??!!

JEANNIE: you're right in hinting they might be better focused if the camera were pulled back. I thought it was more "value" in close-up with them sniffing the phone like that. they found it awfully interesting...

kellylebelly said...

are they still starstruck?
Maybe you could do Warhol type screen tests of them or '24 hour Robos'.

They're lovely. I like the scruffy one that looked a bit more camera shy than its 2 pals.

gledwood said...

o yeah that would be Itchy. she's the tamest by far. see how laid back she is!!!

kellylebelly said...

i thought so, just scrolled and saw her pic (right hand side), so sorry, she's not scruffy.. just noticed they are natural black markings on her head that the other 2 don't have.

warmed to her immediately... takes one to know one.

r they all girls?

Gledwood said...

O yeah. Otherwise I'd not have 3 but 300 by now ;->...
in the beginning I thought Itchy was a boy bc she kept trying to climb on Spherical, who looked pregnant in comparison...
Itchy did not enjoy walking about on a CD case being "sexed" ~haha
I see what you mean about scruffy her coat looks dead greasy on film
all their fur is 3-coloured ie if you blow on it you see the bottom is black, then it goes wheat coloured, the fur-tips are frost-coloured
I will try and film again in more flattering light. Also I know they need tidying out. They just hate new bedding it doesn't smell of them and they run frantically on the wheel to try & get away from it..!

Gattina said...

You see animal trainer is a very hard job ! Training hamsters is even worse than elephants or tigers I tell you !! with my cats I gave it up long time ago, lol !

Gledwood said...

I only really tamed Itchy, and even she has been known to go "oh fck this!" and bunnyhop on the floor where it takes DAYS to get her back...

... Bashful will walk resentfully on my hands but hops off at the v first juncture.

Spherical will sniff away as you see, but absolutely loathes being handled!

kellylebelly said...

maybe they're lesbians, Spherical would be the big butch one I suppose.

don't worry, my cat is gay. except he plays football (pawball); goalie and striker.

about their new bedding, do they shed any fur? if so, maybe you could gather the clumps and mix them with the bedding. also if it's warm (near a radiator) i think the smells will permeate faster.

Syd said...

They are cute little things.

Crushed said...

I quite like the music actually...

The hamsters are cute :)

Bimbimbie said...

They are tiny, gorgeous. I like the pose Itchy has adopted very blase - camera can move around me thanks. *!*

Gledwood said...

KELLY: their fur is so slight once shed you don't see it, they never "moult" cat-wise

you're supposed to save some of the old bedding and mix in but that never worked with mine. It's the newness that does their heads in ~ sometimes they run round for literally hours

I think I will compromise by clearing out most of the old bedding and leaving their loo unwashed, which is a tube. That might do something...

SYD: aye!

CRUSHED: I luurve that tune it's originally by Sting...

hey what happened at yours: something to do with an oversensitive eejut and the dreaded N word..?

BIMBIMBIE: ooo you flatterer ;->...

Katarina said...

hey gledwood have u heard the new pet shop boys video/song, its FANTASTIC
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InBiaRBUjUs

Lucinda said...

I love the video, the hammies are adorable!

The song was very bizarre, haha, but that's just not cup of tea in general, so its probably just me. I just thought it was really bizarre in conjunction with the hamsters... But, my brain ain't functioning right at the moment.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Wow! I am glad I came over. You are clever, Gleds. And the hammies are so sweet! More, please!

molson said...

Couldn't see the vid. My puter isn't playing nice with youtube. Too old I guess.

Deb said...

Ooooooh, so glad I finally get to "meet" your hammies. They're SO cute and, yes, pretty laid back alright.

I didn't hear any music though.

I was wishing you spoke in the video...a little commentary to go along with the picture? :)

Have missed you...I've been busy.

Baino said...

fighting the urge to speak in baby lingo here. Very cute little possums . .well hammies . .actually I opened the shed to feed the horses tonight and a possum jumped off the hay bale. . .reminded me of a rather large hammy as it 'pinged' off into the bush! No music on my end either.

Gledwood said...

KATARINA: ok I'm Youtubing as we speak....

LUCINDA: you don't have to apologize for not liking Sugababes. They're industrially concocted pop but this is by far their greatest tune. Though of course by no means their most popular amongst all the crap they've put out!!

WELSHCAKES: I would love to put more up, but what on earth the procedure was to get that video up there I could not tell you. It involved quite inconveniently loading stuff INTO the computer, lots and LOTS of right-clicking, doubleclicking etc etc I'm going to have to learn properly how to do it and write it all down...!

Gledwood said...

MOLSON: you need something called "Real Player" I think, to view youtubes. The other thing is called Microsoft's own player but I could not tell for £1million what it's called....

DEBS: you might count yourself lucky you couldn't hear my taste in harp-plucking pop...

Debs: I hope you are all right.

BAINO: o wow I wish I'd seen that possum. Are they those things that look like furry teddybears that sit there still and extra-furry-cute? I think I've seen one on an Australian soap opera, just sitting on the kitchen side looking rpetty...

Vincent said...

Wow, that's really cool. It's nice to see your robo's for real. They are very cute :-)

Nicole said...

BRILLIANT! I was so excited to see the little critters! You'll have to upload yourself one of these days too and some of your cooking creations as well!

Gledwood said...

Vincent: I'm glad you like 'em. The swines were trying to EAT the camera as well

Nicole: I was going to try and do cookery demos as well. But haven't a stand. Well I could make one out of a shoebox as well...

selina said...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood