HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Tiny Trotters on Film!

I FOUND A REALLY NICE MOBILE PHONE in the internet shop an hour before closing. So I sat with it and minded it, waiting for it to ring (hoping no-one would). Nobody rang and I wasn't up for handing it in for someone else to "appropriate". And one technical hitch aside, when I turned it on and off only to get demanded some crackpot security code (Googling Nokia instructions manuals told me the default code was 12345 and I got straight in) I am now the proud owner not only of a telephone registered in FRANCE but a two megapixel camera with videotastic features for filming furries! Which is just about all I have done with it since.

So enthusiastic has been my homemoviemaking with Baby Itchy as star that the batteries are so seriously low I'm about to be terminated.

I've got all sorts of furry film of her looking tiny as a ping-pong ball and half-heartedly doing her party trick where she vanishes inside the magic wand only to reappear looking surprised at the other end. Usually she would use this juncture to clamber out, but my having to film one-handedly made things awfully awkward and every time her pink nose appeared at the other end, followed by a kindly sniff-around, she promptly reversed up to re-appear fur brushed backwards looking like a fluffy furball with beady eyes on my hand.

Oh and of course all the background clutter really shows up on camera. A certain sign that I really really need to tidy up!!

If anyone can reveal to me how on earth I get to post these up on Youtube ~ bearing in mind I know NOTHING and have never used a USB cable in my life. In fact don't own them as I "inherited" said telephone... Also how do I post my own photographs on blogger? I've a lovely over-exposed one of Itchy rambling on my hand. She's so washed out by such major flash she looks blue.

And that's all I have to say on an otherwise killer-drab Sunday. I'm missing EastEnders' omnibus to post this so I hope y'all are happy!!

Laters, peeps ~ and take it easy:~~...

The Saturdays ~ Issues
this has been going round and round in my head; it's got a real catchy "hook" this one...


Jeannie said...

I'm guessing you would have to purchase both a charger and an interface cord for the phone. Once you plug the phone into the computer, I'm guessing a box will pop up asking what you want to do. To upload to the blog, you would just click on either the photo graphic or the film graphic accordingly, and do what it says.

Lucinda said...

If the phone gets internet, you should be able to get onto blogger, and log in. Once done, I'm pretty sure you can upload a photo like you usually would. You could also get into your e-mail, and e-mail the photos to yourself. It's just like using a regular computer, except, instead of a mouse, you have to select the links by scrawling up or down with the arrows.

I hope that helps... maybe?

Baino said...

Yep the girls are right you can email the pic or plug it directly into your PC but you need to 'appropriate' the cable, then just click on the photo box in blogger as usual. As for You Tube, just get an account by following the prompts and you can upload in much the same way.

molson said...

If the phone has a removable memory card, you can use any computer with a memory card slot reader to get the files off without needing the phone. You will likely need an adapter for the card slot reader if it is a micro SD card like in my celly. If not, you can transfer files using bluetooth if the phone is a bluetooth capable phone. The computer has to have a bluetooth card as well. What is bluetooth you ask? You're right. Bad idea. It would take too long to explain on the blogger thingy. Maybe somebody in the internet cafe could help you?

Crushed said...

Pretty woman in your video...

I wonder why people buy Cameras these days, unless they're photography buffs.

Same goes for Calculators. and Calendars. and a lot of things.

Won't be long before we have an all purpose Communications wristwatch.

Anonymous said...

No idea, sorry. But just as I was looking at that cute hamster, my gerbik started running madly on his wheel. He must have known.

Anonymous said...

No idea, sorry. But just as I was looking at that cute hamster, my gerbik started running madly on his wheel. He must have known.

Gledwood said...

aye ~ thank y'all! i shall try these whizzy things today or tomorrow ;->...

Anonymous said...

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood