I BOUGHT A CHEESECAKE FROM ICELAND that I don't want to eat till later in the week ~ so I was thinking of stashing it in our front garden under all that snow. Wah-waaah!!
Hey did you know we got supposedly the deepest one-day snowfall in two decades? According to the Metro London newspaper the average depth was eight inches across the capital (no wonder the nasty bendy buses weren't running. The only good thing about them is, the very first time you get on one, riding stood dead central with one foot placed in the front section, the other in the back ~ and ~ woo! ~ feel those corners swing! (little things; little minds..!) Anyway, perhaps I live somewhere unusually warm or weird, because our snowfall was little over four inches (10cm) but hey ~ that's deep enough to bury a roborovski (all manner of bizarre snowy hamster games pop pingingly into my head now: Don't do it! They'll freeze!!)
The following is from a comment I left at L's blog last night... She was talking about having had a drink after two months clean of a heroin/oxy habit:
You're talking about breaking your sobriety 60 days and I get where you're coming from: but ask yourself this, was alcohol a part of your using when you were on the heroin and oxycondom (whatever the stuff's called)~?
I've been to enough NA meetings over the years to get a fair idea of what the Fellowship is about. I have the big Blue Book (their "Basic Text" in hardback ~ got it on tick and still haven't paid the "literature man" from my old "home" meeting back... By the way, in this country hardback and paperback both cost £8.75 so you might as well get the more durable version, because if you ARE going to do NA, you might find yourself turning to it a lot...) I even got myself a sponsor once ~ though THAT all fell through. He kept hammering at me to come off methadone when I'd barely been able to stop taking heroin and crack let alone start reducing the meth to zero. Talk about putting the cart before the horse.
I've noticed NA can attract people who take on it's deliberately simplified, rituatlized, repetitious sayings and customs basically not grasping at all what's behind them. Just parroting all this stuff out. I'm sure you've met folks like that yourself. I find the more catchphrases a person comes out with "God= Group of Druggies; Give up or Die" etc etc the more careful you gotta be of them.
Also this "all using is the same" is SO DANGEROUS. I've seen one guy relapse back to heroin and crack because he'd taken a sleeping pill. Of course 2 years clean was thrown to the wall, he had to hand in his service commitments at NA etc etc, felt he'd lost all he'd gained and BANG!... seriously I think that's such a potentially dangerous viewpoint
Also I get rather peeved by some of the silly phrases people come out with. I don't know if you get the same ones but "in the rooms" is one I hear a lot instead of just "at a meeting". Then they take the anonymity thing so far they can't even bring themselves to say CA or AA they have to say "at another fellowship" ~ I mean come ON! Then there's another guy who gives shares and chairs and goes on and on "drug of choice"... "my drug of choice this... that" without ever naming it. If he's a raving smackhead why can't he just say? So instead of hearing him I spend the entire time trying to figure out what precise drug of choice this might be. The whole meeting through I'm twisting and turning "this sounds like heroin... no he's talking about cocaine... I wonder if he was just snorting it"... etc and the point becomes lost under a welter of wonderings.
Don't get me wrong: I've been to NA enough times and over enough years to see that for those who do the programme ("it works if you work it") and keep coming back those 12 steps can produce wonders. I just believe a step backwards and a dash of circumspection is required at times. And though terminal druggies find it immensely difficult to do anything in moderation (now THAT is definitely part of the illness...) one would be wise to try and keep some sense of perspective, if one can, as one hurtles down the amazing waterslide (well that's how I see it) that is CLEAN and RECOVERING.
Yeah and it's something I ain't done yet that's for certain. C'mon folks: gimme some feedback, please~
It was Christmas eve in a war zone - I just about managed to rise this morning but shining is still a long way off. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I had my usual stress dream last night....
8 hours ago