HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

My Flaming Shirt + A Baby Furry Mouse!

NOT AS DRAMATIC as the illustration, thank God, namely because I wasn't wearing it when it caught light. I was using said shirt as an oven glove, when ~ DURRR! ~ may I say in mitigation I've got used to retarted electric hotplates and now I've got gas? ~ flames from the top ring set off a smokey smell that made me think "Oo: Mornings in Goa!" (where they burn rubbish nightly on great heaps, so refuse is still smouldering merrily by morning). Then I realized whacking great flames were spouting out, so I had to douse the whole lot in my foot-deep Ikea washing up bowl. Thankfully my trayful of Iceland's best Diddly Crispy Potatoes was spared...

MY LANDLORD, most annoyingly, sent round henchmen the other day. Whenever they come round it's 99 times out of 100 on a timewasting expedition and this was no exception. "My friend! I am fitting buzzer!" So now we have a totally unwanted doorbell system and have a totally useless noise-maker in my room. Useless because one thing I rapidly learned on moving from country (where I grew up) to towns and city (where I've spent my adult life) is that ANYONE who approaches your front door without first telephoning (or, in emergency, yelling your name) is an utter timewaster. My "noisemaker" is now rendered 100% useless because the batteries are sitting on the sideboard waiting for a more worthy appliance...

The only interesting aspect to all this is that unlike old-stylee doorbells which required extensive wiring, this one's radio-controlled. Which I thought might be lots of fun to hide it in the neighbour's front garden and set it off whenever they come home or... I dunno. Can anybody think up a better practical joke?

And that's about it, newswise. O yeah and I've a full-on multistorey trottery now, thanks to various cut-open PG Tips tea boxes... yep and that's it. Here's some dregs from St Patrics day I pulled because I didn't want them sharing a post with my Gran:

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, A QUESTION TO ALL YOU ST PADDY'S CELEBRATORS from IrishSayings.com

An bhfuil tú ar meisce fós?

(It means, "Are you drunk yet?")

OH DUR!!!! I 4got to tell yers about the baby furry mouse.... T'will have ter wait till 2morro...

QUEEN: A KIND OF MAGIC
This is me last Freddy Mercury vid for a while, now I've posted up most of the best they've done...


13 comments:

Tea N. Crumpet said...

I had my husband disconnect the doorbell-- the kids play with it mostly, and it sets the dog off!

Gledwood said...

See! Glad I'm not the only one!!

Anyway if you've got a dog, surely you don't NEED a doorbell..?? Dogs are nature's doorbells...

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

I don't use mine either because it has the most annoying ring to it and it always makes my heart thump when it goes off. Most of the time people knock like in the olden days ;)

Hey check this site out if you haven't already:

www.cuteoverload.com

Gledwood said...

Yeah! Makes me jump out of my skin. Glad I'm not the only one...

'ang on I'm going there now...

Crushed said...

I agree, I never answer the doorbell without a phone call in advance.

Gledwood said...

aye

Jeannie said...

I bought my mother one of those doorbells for Christmas once for her condo. I wasn't sure that she'd like it but she did! And then all her cronies wanted one too. She is a little hard of hearing and couldn't hear knocking on her very heavy door. While outside people have to phone up, other building dwellers don't so her friends would get all worried about her when she didn't answer the door before.

Janice said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother.

I'm also glad you weren't wearing your shirt when it caught on fire, and you put it out on time.

Janice~

Gledwood said...

Jeannie: someone who actually likes a doorbell? wow!

Janice: aye!

Lou said...

GWII, you are right..if they have to ring the doorbell they are unwanted.

Here, schoolchildren constantly come around asking for donations for band trips, new baseball equipment, money for monogrammed soccer shirts, etc.
I NEVER answer a doorbell!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Thank goodness you're OK! Totally agree re people who come to your front door.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood