HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Roast Beef Dinner!

RIGHT! I'VE just gone nuts in Iceland (finally remembered to do it while I still had money fer't trolleydash!) I went berzerk in't boil-int-bag roast beef in gravy, crispy industrially roasted potatoes and Yorkshire puddings isle. Oh aye! I can't wait to get me purchases ont hot stove!

If yer wondering about me Northern voice, I'm sorri I can't 'elp it. I'm all over't shop 'ere. I keep wanting to stick me 'ead out' tut window an gerron wi shoutin' "Yer idle! Yer bloody bone idle!" burrocourse that should be me Am talkin' ter. I console meself by mytherin' tut Trotters: "bin int nest? Aye yer 'ave that!"

For some reason they look at me like I'm utterly deranged...

This has to be a fairly quick post as food's int' oven and ont' 'ob now. I had one RBD last night, then woke up at 4 int' morning and 'ad industrially batter-crisped potato bits (I got industrially fatted roast potatoes as well but tiny ones are nicer...) and Yorkshire puddings, what rise like nobody's business. As I suspected it's far more wuthwhile buying't ingredients separately and slamming together int oven than spending £1.75 on industrial pub lunch platter, which is fine, but the amounts of potatoes, veg and meat (choice of beef or lamb~ woo!) in gravy is rather stingy...

Righto: better go. Trotters say hi!

THIS IS CLASSIC! Purloined here from't Australian Heroin Diaries blog...

Aye an' yer can tell "private party"'s meant ter be dodgi cause o't white girl dancing wit' "negro" around 4mins 17 seconds inter it!


Queenneenee said...

ooooooh...that sounds sooo yummy. What time shall I be there? I would love to share a meal with you Gled, too bad there are so many miles between us. This post makes me want to go out and get me a big fat roast and get to roastin. Yorkshire pudding though, I have never had. I think I shall look it up and see if I can try to make that as well. Have a happy day gled....Denise

Gledwood said...

do you know the entire lot's done in under 0.5 an hour!

How's about this: I'll email you some~!!

Liz said...

I'm sure your trotters must get too much exercise all the pinging they do.

What was I going to say? Oh yes, the accents. I pick up on accents very quickly and find myself talking like it. The other day someone did an impression of Mavis from corrie saying 'I don't really know.' I couldn't stop saying it for days. And now I'll probably start again.

Roasties, mmm. Yorkshire, mmm.

Heroinhead said...

Heroinhead says:

That'll giv yer 'nuvva three 'our doon pit, that will... black loong or not. Fill yer right oop... 'tis a groons oops loonch that it is.

Enjoy yer spoods an' git yer greens doon. Jobs uh good'un.

Matt said...

Ay up Gleds - sound reet tastie!

Do you know what this means -
"Don't thee thou me thee thou thissen and see how tha likes thee thouing"?

You really should have traditional apple pie and custard to follow - today (in the States) is Johnny Appleseed Day. Please take a look at my new blog to find out more.

Great post Gleds!

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

Yorkshire pudding.....mmmmmmmmm. My Grandma makes the best with her roast dinners. Everytime you go over to her house and it's in the oven she tells you that she is horrible at making it. She gets so stressed out about them not rising properly. Rise or not it's still top shelf.

Akelamalu said...

Nice to hear you're eating well. :)

Baino said...

Beef in a bag! What a travesty!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Well, one thing I'll say...you eat well and that's a good thing, Gleds. I've never tasted Yorkshire pud so I can't comment but a properly cooked roast of beef is out of this world and not a plastic bag roast either...a real one. Enjoy your meal.

Gledwood said...

Liz: aye I've bin thinkin' int Northern Accent fer dairz naw, anna caan' stoppit!

Matt: 'ow coom YOU knows 'ow ter wraaat int Northern voice ont computer, when you ARE American, like,,, intit??

Translairshun o't speech gorz summut laaaark:
Don't call me "thou" call it to yourself!
Amma right!??
(Yer not wrong!!)

HH: tut roarst beef dinner's really nice, I'll tell yer that fer nowt!

eileen-Reeny: My industrial ones look like biscuits ("cookies") before going int oven, then they rise massively... there's only 39 calories in each one and less than 2g of fat so they're really healthy. I wonder if you can buy pre-done Yorkie pudz in North America?... aye? or not...???

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: aye!

Baino: yeah but it comes out really nice, honest! It's not as travesterial as microwave dinenrs, honestly I can tell you that. Once bag's open it's really nice ~ Granny Farthing Sunday Lunch Time malarkie!

Puss int Boots: NEVER HAD YORKSHIRE PUD?? And yer white Anglor-Saxon?! And living int' Empire! O lass wharrarwi gorn ter do wi yer??!??

Matt said...

Oo sed I'm American? Ee by gum lad!

Gledwood said...

aye yer not wrong I ain't gorra clue? so wherreXACTLY ARE YER FROM THEN..?

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood