HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Big Brother Entertainment... and where are the neighbours?


I was looking for a picture of the Lynx Alaska "perfume" I've been wearing... only today did I realize IT is the reason I keep smelling FRANKINSENSE everywhere I go ~ it's on me!

But these trotterdonkey cats in the snow ~ real lynxes IN Alaska, look very cute.

It snowed YET AGAIN the other night. But was raining this morning. So I hope it doesn't freeze over again, else the streets will be fatal!



THIS year is the last ever Celebrity Big Brother, so the producers have pulled out all the stops to get some PROPER celebrities for a change (though on night one you can tell half are wondering who on earth the other half ARE!!!)







My favourites this year are Ivana Trump, who is far more down to earth than you'd expect and looks hilarious serving the other housemates dinner dressed in her minimum wage care worker costume and reading glasses... Stephanie Beacham (Dynasty, Seaquest DSV and innumerable others)... former footballing "hardman" Vinnie Jones pictured here famously tormenting Paul Gascgoine... and the American R&B star Sisqo who says "that lady is worth three-digit millions" and following Ivana like a lovesick puppy. All very entertaining.




VIDEO: Come and watch this ~ Ivana Trump dressed in pink and blue overalls as a carehome worker for Celebrity Big Brother... skivvying around serving other far lesser celebrities and former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss, who seems to hate her... absolute classic!


This is absolute classic ~ seeing the multimillionaire socialite dressed in pink and blue overalls skivvying about serving other far lesser celebrities and former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss, who seems to hate her, as a care home worker as part of a game on the reality show:



Classic televisual entertainment ~ from the peak of Stephanie Beacham's career:
IT IS... Stephanie Beacham vs Joan Collins in...
The Alexis-Sable CATFIGHT!!



Stephanie Beacham as canal-boat dwelling Martha dating "boring" Ken Barlow in dowdy British soap Coronation Street:






STOP PRESS!
SHHH!
I don't want to speak too soon, but my noisy neighbours have gone suspiciously QUIET... that can mean many things, but I hope it means just one... that they are NOT THERE ANY MORE!!

AND NEVER COMING BACK!

10 comments:

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thanks for the furry animal post, Gledds. The lynxes are lovely. Celebrity Big Brother sounds great. I wish BBC America would show that series.

Love you lots,

SB

Vincent said...

Those claws! Unreal man.

I hope your neighbours have effed off :-)

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TerminallyUniq said...

Ooooh! I have such a soft spot for beautiful "big cats" ... Okay, and house cats too :) You made me laugh out loud about realizing you are the one smelling of frankinsence... I do this sort of thing all the time for some reason :P

TerminallyUniq said...

OH! and how could I forget! I did not believe I would ever again hear from or see Sisqo, of "The Thong Song" fame (over here anyway, that was pretty much his only hit).

Gledwood said...

They had Sisqo wearing a Borat-style mankini ~ that was hilarious, but before Ivana Trump came in the house...

solar panels?

I'm pretty sure the neighbours have gone. not a hide nor hair of them AT ALL since... 2 or 3 days ago

bbc america probably won't show it as it's on channel 4 though you CAN see bits on youtube or let me find the address:

Gledwood said...

here's the address:

http://www.channel4.com/bigbrother/

and Stephanie, Ivana and topless model Nicola T are comparing stories of when their children were babies, as of "one minute ago" according to Twitter

Baino said...

I LOVE Lady Sovereign. She was out here recently for a rock festival and arranged a game of soccer with a local radio station, it was hilarious. She rounded up 11 rappers and musicians and beat the pants off the radio jocks and listeners. No Big Bro in Oz any more, we just got bored.

Sweden said...

ive been watching celebrity big brother my jaw just dropped when i saw vinnie jones!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!! i also like the swedish dude actually he is just so nice and polite i hope katia doesent break his heart. Lady sov came the the club i was working one night with a small posse i said u have to be searched she stepped aside and said ok and i said EVERYONE has to be searched inc YOU so i did she didnt seem happy about it but whatever lol

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood