HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Shhh! Listen...! (QUIET!!)

I DON'T WANT TO SAY horrible things about my neighbour, like I hope he has been shot dead, or I hope he has shot someone dead and is doing life ~ well he can't ~ unless he has a looky-likey even more looky-likey than the 25 or so all black kiddy-gang members who pile into his room sporadically and were there this morning... after staying away ALL weekend, except Friday night... Because they're back there this morning.
What is going on? This is so puzzling. When they first came they ~ and I mean all FIFTY of them ~ were there constantly. Their presence was IMPOSSIBLE to miss. Now they're hardly there.
He apparently told my downstairs neighbour, the one I had the row with over not saying hello when I came home to find a stranger staring at me like a psychopath (it was him but my eyesight is so terrible that, until I came right up close it could honestly have been anyone at all!) ~ GLARING at me accusingly ~ which threw me again, because I didn't expect my neighbour, who I hardly knew back then, to be doing that. So I said hello sheepishly ~ not being at all sure whom I was saying hello TO ~ THEN he accused me of being rude and I exploded WHAT ARE YOU SAYING "A HELLO WOULD BE NICE?!? I JUST DID SAY HELLO!" then he VERY rudely, in my opinion said "I DO HAVE EARS!"... NOT a good start to any "friendship"... well this one, who I grew closer to in solidarity in the nuisance situation... said Mr Noise Nuisance Neighbour had spoken to him and said he had a new place several miles away, so was moving out. And indeed ALL WENT QUIET.
And to Mr Nuisance's credit, even though he has come back, there has been little genuine nuisance since then.
I don't know what on earth such people do in their spare time, or how they live their lives. They're not heroin or crack addicts. Not dealing, so far as I can tell. I've shared properties with heroin, crack and "herb" dealers in the past and know the in and out short phone calls "where are you" pattern. That is not it. The constant comings and goings are DIFFERENT, young people. The youngest of whom seem little older than 13, 14. Which I don't like. Underage smoking weed in my house.
The bad attitudes, bad vibes are the worst part. As a group these people are obnoxious...
But individually, when I have said hello, they seem sweet as apple pie.
Curiouser and curiouser. It just saddens me to see these kids so obviously on the WRONG track ~ and doing it under MY ROOF. Sad... so very sad.
And they are STILL HERE...
I hope they leave soon, and leave me in peace!!

PS I FOUND A HAMMYHOUSE FISHTANK on the street yesterday. Took it inside. Maybe I'll get trotterdonkey robbies again...! Who knows.... ;->...

I got the wrong picture on Saturday. THIS is how they look. An entire natural diamond crystal is cut this simply... only 1 in 100,000 gems found are suitable... The cut is patented and available only through Tiffany... and how amazing does it look!!


Jeannie said...

Do you check the crime section of the papers? They could be a pack of thieves - get together to plan the next job.

Or just a bunch of kids doing what kids do.

Lesley said...

Gled, will you email me on the link on my profile page and I can give you a reply to your query? Thanks.

Gledwood said...

JEANNIE: I think they're in between those extremes... kids who will end up in serious trouble in some years' time if they continue down the road they're travelling... which is quite sad...


Anonymous said...

nice article. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did you guys hear that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds

I hope peace and quiet of sorts continues for you from Mr Nuisance.

... by the way, the photo I took a few posts back when we flew into the UK was taken Boxing Day somewhere near Newcastle.

Anonymous said...

great article. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did anyone hear that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.

Anonymous said...

quite interesting post. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did you hear that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.

Syd said...

Weird that there are so many of them coming and going.



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood