HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...


I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, January 28, 2010


I AM LOOKING INTO getting a laptop or notebook computer. Features features features. My head is in a whirlwind. Big or little; notebook/laptop. Which one? Why?... Can anybody give me advice?

As far as I can tell, I would probably do better with a little notebook. Bear in mind I live in VERY low security accommodation, so you need to be able to stash stuff inconspicuously. Also notebooks are far more portable. The only thing they don't have, as far as I can see, is a DVD drive. But if you want one of those, you can just plug one in, surely...?

The keyboard needs to be proper size because I slogged away for months at college learning proper touch typing, which you cannot do on minikeys.

I just had a go on an Inspiron netbook in a mobile phone shop and it was fine. I don't mind no numeric pad.

Is there any other advantage/disadvantage I need to bear in mind while making a choice of machine? I noticed the diddy ones have only 1GB RAM. Can't you get a booster put in for 3 or 4GBs like a laptop..?

O I don't know. Somebody help me, please!!

HAVE I FOUND the real life "giant hellhound", who "looks like a brown bear" Gwendolina dog? Here she is: a Tibetan Mastiff!
Nearest thing I've found to her (my fictional invention) so far:

Isn't she beautiful..!


Reeny's Ramblin' said...

An Ikeda would work for your dog character as well....

Syd said...

Get a Mac--easy to use, minimum virus infection, wonderful graphics, few breakdowns, and awesome service.

Baino said...

Can't help with the notebooks but both my kids have laptops. Adam has a little 15 inch and Clare the 17 inch Power Mac which was expensive but very, very good and loads of memory and all the gidgets and gadgets. And my SIL has a Tibetan Mastiff called Kohi but he's only 6 months old and already eating off the table!

Baino said...

Can't help with the notebooks but both my kids have laptops. Adam has a little 15 inch and Clare the 17 inch Power Mac which was expensive but very, very good and loads of memory and all the gidgets and gadgets. And my SIL has a Tibetan Mastiff called Kohi but he's only 6 months old and already eating off the table!

molson said...

Hmmm. You are correct. There is much to consider when buying a laptop or a netbook. If you need an optical drive to play DVD's, then get the laptop. Optical drives take up space so the laptop will be bigger than say a netbook which won't have an optical drive. The lack of an optical drive makes the netbook smaller and more stashable. Netbooks also tend to cost less since they lack the optical drive and they use a lower power processor usually an Intel Atom processor. A netbook would probably work fine for you. They have plenty of power to surf the net and watch online videos. You will probably be fine without the optical drive. I have an optical drive in my Macbook and rarely use it. I can find all the movies I want to see online. That said I know some people would recommend a Mac and I would too, but Macs are pricey. There is no way around it. Check the online Apple Store and you will see what I mean. A netbook is clearly the best value. Now be sure not to go smaller than a 10" screen. Any smaller is just no good. Dell now makes a Netbook with a 12" screen. There maybe some others too. The Macbook I have has a 13" screen and that is about perfect for viewing size and portability. Good luck in your quest and here is a link to a netbook buying guide. Hope it helps.

Netbook Buying Guide

molson said...

Not sure if can swing it Gledwood, but the Dell Inspiron 11 looks like a real nice small notebook for the money. Plenty of power in this thing for anything you would want to do. Here is a link to the production on Amazon. Not sure how it would price in the UK.

Dell Inspiron 11

Laura said...

I had a Chow Chow that looked identical to this one. His name was Wally and he had a black coat. I love the breed.

TBL said...

What a very interesting page, good to see another relatively 'normal'? user, at least I assume you are by your blogs description.

Please check out my blog if you get the chance, nothing on the scale of this however, ;)

Take care...

J said...

Tibetan mastiffs are wonderful, although the brown/tan coloration is more common. Theyre HUGE alpha dogs with wonderful personalities. -- I might get my first foster mastiff soon!

On the computer front, the dell 11 is nice but its a bit expensive.. Acer and Asus make rather cheap but super reliable netbooks. Steer clear of Macs! on top of being overly proprietary and trendy, theyre also overpriced. Macs are much more 'desireable', too for some reason, so i imagine it could get stolen easily. Personally, I would look into an entry level Vaio laptop- theyre small, reliable, and wonderfully easy to use. I am currently on a baby pink vaio- 2 years old- better than most top of the line dells, hps, etc, in my opinion!

Good luck!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I don't know anything about notebooks but I'd say it depends how portable you want it to be and where you want to take it. No point in carting around a big thing that's like carrying a "Mug me" label. The dog is gorgeous!



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood