Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, March 23, 2007

100 things unsaid ...

MAN! I HAVE ONLY 10 mins till closedown so this will have to be done in bulletpointed stylee... if only I could find the infernal bulletpoint on this keyboard...

- Okay, en-rules instead.

- That evil Chinese Mouse has chewed a HUMUNGOUS GREAT HOLE in my elbow. So much for allowing him to set up home there ever again.

- THE ALL SAINTS. Only girl group I like. Never Ever. Black Coffee. The Beach. Do you know these tunes? They are fantastic. Remind me of 1990something ...

- UGLY BETTY Why does it take so long I was tied to the TV for an hour gagging for nicotine.

- ABSCESS ALERT. I have a humungous (well about 2.5-3"x2.5-3" wide bulletprooof hardened patch on the back of my right shin. Or is that called a calf? Or is that a baby cow. Whatever. It came up last night feeling like a wasp sting. Now it's been edging between giant Japanese wasp and relatively innocuous scorpion. Means I'll have to admit to my dr yet again that I've been "shooting up". Hmmm...

- AND THAT'S ABOUT IT. I have to go will log on again tomorrow if can.

Bye

G

STOP PRESS: ALL THE JUNKIES OUT THERE ... I've just gone back thru this post "linking" it all up with bizarre factoids. Have a click on my abscess link
xx; it's full of fascinating facts with a cotton fever ("dirty hit") infolink I'm clicking right back to (or just click here to go str8 there; or click cotton fever to get another link I discovered ...) ... happy reading folks!!
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17 comments:

Deb said...

I love All Saints Gled.

23 March 2007 at 23:34
Deb said...

and wasn't one of them with one of the Gallagher brothers for a stint?

23 March 2007 at 23:35
Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

Man, get that "baby calf" or whatever you called it checked. I have an inquiry...what does the doc say when you admit to him about the drugs? I NEVER admitted such things when I was having my "troubles." The doctors would only proceed to treat me like dog shit.

24 March 2007 at 06:47
Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Hey, Gledwood. Heads up, man. Congratulations, you've just been awarded a Thinking Blogger Award.

Visit below at my site:
http://lonegreysquirrel.blogspot.com/2007/03/i-think-its-thinking-blogger-award.html

24 March 2007 at 09:59
Nicole said...

Congratulations on 100 posts! Put Tea Tree Oil on your calf, that may help. Although... maybe you need antibiotics.

24 March 2007 at 17:12
Deb said...

Gled I "tagged" you over on my blog. Which means there are questions that I've answered and now it's your turn...you can just copy/paste them in your blog then reveal all your secrets. Then you must "tag" three people to carry it on.

So, when you get a chance..........

24 March 2007 at 17:28
RUTH said...

You be careful of that lump. BTW you received an award on my Million Stories blog...only thing is you now have to award 5 other blogs
Rx

24 March 2007 at 22:46
Anonymous said...

incredible!!! i don't even like all saints, but i'm completly mad for those 3 songs. they're the only songs i like from them... ... and you described exactly the same feelings that i've when i'm listening to them!

25 March 2007 at 03:11
rowan said...

I'm confused. I've never seen betty blue but noticed her sudden appearance all over magazines. you dislike it horribly? Also number two: How did you not notice the hampster... oh, sorry CHINESE hampster chomping away at your elbow??

26 March 2007 at 03:43
Anonymous said...

Oh dear, that abcess sounds like something that won't go away on its own. I agree you'll have to talk to the sawbones about it.

Been catching up on your blog -- fascinating stories about Nutnut & rehab. Been through the rehab thing second-hand, when my own Nutnut was in, several of them, never more than two days in her case. Sorry I've been out of touch ... but I'm back now. I think.

26 March 2007 at 12:52
Gledwood said...

Ivy: because he does this furious digging scrabbly thing like he's in a real burrow in the wild when he's only up my sleeve which I found dead cute. Until one day I saw the SWINE had actually bitten & scrabbled a wopping great HOLE in my clothes!!

26 March 2007 at 13:35
Gledwood said...

GREY SQUIRREL: Thank you!! I'm going 2 ur site presently ...

26 March 2007 at 13:36
Gledwood said...

DEBS: I will go get the "tag" in a sec ...

26 March 2007 at 13:36
Edyta said...

All Saints were very specific. Not all that pop, just pretty one of a kind pop, huh? I love the 1990's. My childhood. Sentimental, right? :)

26 March 2007 at 14:03
zennist said...

So continue with your reminiscences already. ;-) Hope your leg is better!

27 March 2007 at 15:42
Anonymous said...

HI CHIPPER Sorry not 2 hav sed it erlier ... no access to computer ... I'm BACK 2NITE, I'M BACK!!!

27 March 2007 at 21:09
Anonymous said...

Aint Never Scared: I get treated like crap by my gp/physician. So I avoid going there. You're right.

30 March 2007 at 01:15

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood